Chapter 45– Cole’s Guilt

(Cole’s POV)

The first rays of dawn cut through the window blinds, it sliced light right across the cabin in thing golden slashes. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, I began tracing the familiar knots and staring at them as if they could offer me answers to question I had churning within me. The thought of the life growing inside her should have been able to anchor me, should have been able to keep me steadied. Instead it felt like chains, that only tightened around my chest.

Guilt flickered across me like a candle in the wind. I had made promises, even sworn that I would always protect her. And yet, I had break the promise I made. Sasha’s shadow still lingered in the corners of my mind, and despite my determination, despite the bond and the life I had helped create, I had still sought her out. I had let myself be drawn into her web, even when every fiber of me screamed that it was wrong.

I sat up, running a hand through my hair, eyes narrowing as I thought of the mornings spent with Ella. Her voice, gentle but firm, replayed in my mind. The way she had given me the news, the way she had watched me, waiting, trusting me with the new I hadn’t earned the rights to know. The memory should have ignited pride in me, responsibility, or even love. Instead, all it did was ignited a tempest of shame.

I tried to keep myself grounded, tried taking slow breathes, but the memory of Sasha’s smile, the way her fingers had brushed mine, the way her whispers had tempted me back into recklessness that clawed at my restraint. Even in ways I hadn’t expected, she was dangerous, the familiarity of the pull between Sasha and i is one that I had underestimated. The unspoken promises shared between us, the chaos that had always fascinated me.

My gaze drifted towards the door. The mere thought of seeing Sasha again, of feeling that spark, that temptation that made my chest tighten. I wanted to fight the pull, wanted to be able to stay with Ella, wanted to honor the bond, the child, but I just couldn’t.

I rose up, catching my reflection on the mirror as I walked passed it. Dark circles under my eyes, the tight set of my jaw, the way my hands trembled slightly, it was all evidence of the storm brewing in me. Even with all this I’m feeling, I still let myself slip into Sasha temptation. Still let myself imagine her, the feel of her, to feel the pull of her influence.

The bond pulsed sharply then, insistent and almost accusing. I flinched, closing my eyes. Ella must be sensing me now, feeling the wrong choices I was about making, feeling the tension, the guilt, the divided heart I refused to acknowledge openly. The bond was a living reminder that what actions I took mattered and yet were consequences attached to it.

I shook my head, muttering under my breath. “I’m strong… I can control this… I can…” But even as I spoke the words, I knew they were empty words. I felt my control slipping out of my hands like smoke. My guilt coiled tighter in my chest, a relentless reminder that I was failing her, failing the child, failing myself.

I quickly dressed, moving silently through the cabin. Every sound, every shift of weight, seemed to be louder than it should have been. I couldn’t let anyone see me—not yet. Not the pack, not Marcus, not even Ella. I needed this one moment of selfishness before I could face the consequences that I know would tag along with my actions. Before I could be able to be the mate she truly deserves.

The forest beyond the cabin greeted me with its cool, misted air, leaves glistening with dew. My movement were filled with quiet precision. Every step brought me closer to Sasha, closer to the danger I knew I was beginning to court, I was getting closer to the betrayal I could already feel in my bones.

In the distance, her place appeared,it was framed by the dense trees. I paused at the edge, catching my breath, trying to steady the storm I’m feeling inside. She was already waiting there, a faint smile tugging at her lips, it was as if she knew I would come. I’m sure she had always known I would easily falter, how hungry the pull of her presence still affected me.

“You finally came,” she said softly, voice like silk.

I nodded, swallowing hard. “I—yes. I had to…” The words faltered. Here, the truth was a stranger, and even my own voice sounded foreign to me.

She stepped closer, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from her. “Cole, there is no need to hide anything from me. Not now. Not ever.”

The guilt surged within me, it felt sharp and relentless. Ella face appeared in my mind, the way her gaze is always gentle, the way she placed her hands on her stomach, the trust that was laced in her voice. And I felt myself begin to break under the weight of what I was about doing. Every step I took toward Sasha felt like I was taking steps away from Ella, from the new life growing within her.

The lure of the temptation was something I found r just bring myself to ignore. She reached out towards me, brushing a strand of hair from my face, and I let my hands hover near hers. The bond quivered within me trying to remind of where I truly belonged, and the guilt dug into me like a knife.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, voice low. “I… I shouldn’t even be here.”

Sasha’s lips curved into a sly smile. “But here you are. And that tells me everything I need to know, Cole. You’re still mine… at least in some way. You can’t deny it.”

Her words twisted in my chest, twisting the knife further. I wanted to deny it. I wanted to turn and run back to Ella, back to the bond, back to the life that demanded my loyalty. But part of me… part of me craved the chaos, craved the familiarity, craved the temptation that only her could offer.

I stepped back, shaking my head. “This… this can’t happen. Not at this moment… not now. I—”

She laughed softly, a sound that should have been charming but grated against my nerves. “Do you really think you will be able resist me? You can try but it will be for nothing. But this—this bond, this… responsibility—it doesn’t erase what we share or what we feel. What we were. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it.”

I clenched my fists, trying to anchor myself, trying to remember the child growing within Ella , trying to remember the trust that Ella had put in me. But the pull was relentless, and I realized with a sinking heart that my guilt was spiraling. The more I tried to resist, the more I felt tethered to her, to Sasha, to the chaos that threatened to undo everything.

“I… I can’t do this,” I said finally, voice rough. “I… I’m going. I have to—”

But the words were weak, fragile, almost laughable even to my ears. Her eyes held me in place, and the bond beneath my skin throbbed insistently, echoing Ella’s presence, her emotions, her awareness of every misstep I had taken.

I turned, retreating away from her presence, the forest around me felt thick and watchful. My heart pounded, in equal measure guilt and desire were churning within me, it left me feeling dizzy with the knowledge that I had almost lost myself entirely. The bond tugged insistently now, insistent, making it impossible to ignore. Ella’s emotions, her cautious hope, her fear, reached me with full clarity.

I exhaled shakily, voice almost a whisper to myself. “I… I can’t keep doing this. I won’t. Not anymore.”

But even as I spoke, I knew cycle was going to be hard to break. Sasha’s influence over me still lingered, and I know the temptation would return. I found myself between two worlds—the life I had promised to protect and the pull of a past that still lingered within me. The guilt throbbed in my chest like a living thing, reminding me that seeking redemption will take more effort from me, honesty, and the zeal to finally choose what life really mattered most to me.

The bond pulsed one last time before fading slightly, a quiet reminder of what awaited me. Ella was still out there, waiting, trusting, depending on me, even if I was too blind or weak to honor it. And I realized that for the first time in weeks, I understood whet steps I had to take. I had to face the consequences of my actions, confront the chaos I had allowed into my life, and start the slow, painful path back to the woman I was meant to protect.

Because no matter how strong the temptation felt, no matter how compelling the chaos, one truth still remained: the life inside her, the bond between us, and the fragile trust we shared demanded more from me than desire ever could.