Gone with the Wind

I ended the video call and opened my chat history with Zach as my hands shook. When I scrolled up, all I saw were my messages.

I had sent sunsets, sweet and sour ribs from the cafeteria, and orange cats crouched by the road. He didn't say much in the chat, just a few things here and there. One "yeah" every few hours. One "okay" every couple of days. Sometimes, only a sticker.

I exited the messaging app and opened his Facebook.

The background photo had changed. Previously, it was a photo of the two of us on New Year's Eve. Now, it was a group photo from an award ceremony.

Amy stood on his right, their heads tilted slightly toward each other like the perfect partners.

My eyes burned. I blinked hard, trying to hold it in, but the tears fell first.

Just as I was about to lock the screen, Amy's message popped up at the top of my phone.

[Megan, I've thought about this for a long time, but I still think I should tell you. If you really care about Zach, stop sending him those random updates all day. He studies until dawn every night. Whenever his phone lights up, he can't help checking it, and after he reads your message, it takes him another ten minutes to focus again.]

[Those cats, dogs, and dinner photos... They mean nothing to him. He doesn't want to reply, but he feels bad if he doesn't. So, he hesitates for ages every time. Do you know how draining that is?]

[His target university has such a high entry requirement. How many more nights does he have to push through just to close that gap? You say you're doing this for him, but what have you done that actually helped him?]

I stared at the screen. Every word felt like a dagger stabbing into my chest. I typed a line, but in the end, I only sent one sentence. [Does he... Know you're sending me this?]

She replied almost at once: [Of course he does. He said you keep sending pointless messages, but he's too embarrassed to say it directly because he's worried about hurting your pride. He's the one who asked me to tell you.]

I stared at the words "he asked me to tell you", and I felt as though something was choking me.

Amy sent another message. [Also, he asked me to tell you not to call during study time anymore. If something happens, send a message. He'll read it, but he might not reply. Please try to understand.]

I tapped into Amy's social feed as if something had taken over me. Her latest post was from yesterday, with a photo taken at a steak house. Zach sat across from her. The beef on his plate was something she had put there for him. The caption read: [Weekend rest with the top student.]

Farther back, there was a hike from last week. The two of them were posing with peace signs at the summit. Earlier there were blossoming crabapple trees. Then, there were the late-night study rooms. Then, a new dessert shop.

He was in every photo.

Zach.

He had always told me things like "I don't have time" and "I'm busy studying". It was not because he had no time, but because he had given all his time to someone else.

During the call, I had meant to tell him that I had secured a spot in a graduate school. The university was in his city, and I finally would not have to wait for his replies through a screen anymore.

But now those words are stuck in my throat.

I typed in four words.

[We should break up.]