[6] Unbridled Tide Of Wishes

◔ Ryan ◔

I was literally so furious with her antics. I don't know how to explain her the reason 

I don't know how to explain my worries to her. The more I try to explain to her, the stronger I feel like I am incapable of explaining anything to anyone. My self-confidence began to fall with my every attempt.

Anything could have happened if Amanda hadn't informed me on time. 

Even though I don't prefer Amanda personally but this habit of her always backed me to track whenever Maze is in any kind of trouble. I should treat her with dinner, though her motive wasn't innocent at all, yet it did assist me out.

I just wanted to break those hands around his waist. But She would be displeased if I dare to do that. I wanted to be mad with her but she was already upset so I didn't want to exaggerate things and let it go over a savory treat. She loves to eat more whenever she is disturbed by anything. 

Gosh, she can eat non-stop. So the dinner plan was really a good move by me to tackle the situation.

She is beautiful to ignore for anyone yet was never arrogant over her beauty. She never likes to display her charm wearing short body-hugging dresses. She just has one flaw and that was she is way too short-tempered and strong-head. At times she can really be over adamant that piss me off yet I can't stay angry with her for long. What to do she is such types of person on whom none can stay mad for long. And the rate of her unintentionally destroying anything was just hectic. And the bizarre item she cooks or I should say she invent can really kill people.

Even after all this imperfection, to me, she was perfect in every aspect.

While thinking about all these silly things actually about my past daring experiences, we reached her home soon. 

I got out of the driving seat. Moving to her side, I unfastened her seat belt, picked her in a bridal style, and moved towards her house. But I had to stop and stood in front of her door as I was busy thinking about how to unlock the door when my both hand were busy holding her. So, I decided to wake her up.

"Maze !! Wake up...Maze" I with a gentle and careful approach tried to wake her up. Actually, I want her to stay in my arm, like this, sleeping peacefully, forever. 

I got alerted, as her body responded slightly. Her long eyelash quivered a few times.

She slowly opens her eyes with an annoyed frown on her face. 

Her earthy brown eyes made my heart beating faster than ever.

 My breath hitched in my throat as I couldn't stand it longer.

She rubbed her eyes trying to remove the sleepiness from them. The moment her beautiful dark brown eyes met mine, her eyes snapped open. She looked perplexed and confusion bloomed in them.

She tried to recognize the situation she was in and soon her face flushed red with shame and anger realizing herself in my lap.

I love her flushed red face. I know she doesn't like this kind of behavior. But what can I do, I just can't stop myself from coming close to her. Her mere presence is enough to sweep me off the ground.

I know for her I am just a friend But for me, she is my world, a beautiful dream, bitter yet sweet torture of love.

I prepared myself for her outburst. And I know she isn't going to spare me this time.

She creased her brows darkening her face, "Why do you just keep doing this? You know how much I hate this kind of stuff"

"I...Just...Um....." I stuttered being unable to deliver a proper speech. Finally, I gave up, lowering my gaze just chose to apologize, I'm sorry"

She hissed, I could feel her anger through her clenched jaw, "Don't ever come to show me your face"

With that, she flounced out of my lap and hurriedly moved inside unlocking her door. I stayed there dumbfoundedly. I know sometimes being silent is better than exaggerating. And I really was at fault for touching her without her approval. And for this blunder...I can only blame my inner desire.

As I was about to leave I noticed something, that silly girl left the key in her door-lock out of rage. I walked towards the door, took the key and shove it in my pocket. She is really ...I don't have any word for now to explain...

She was still fuming. Her sullen face snapped my every attempt to console her.

I apologized to her again and again, finally, she calmed down a bit.

I know she can't stay annoyed with anyone for long. It kept bothering her from inside until she fixed her reason for irritation.

"Don't be happy. I haven't forgiven you for what you just did" She said mocking me.

It doesn't matter as I know she will let it go soon.

If I hadn't known her better then I would think that she really wanted me to leave. But I know her thoroughly from inside out. She could only lash all her anger, her frustration at only just one person...And that's me. I am happy to possess that part in her life.

We watched Harry Potter together. She loves it especially the character Harry potter. A few years back she even used potter like round glasses out of her fancy over Harry Potter.

At that time she really looked like a dumb nerdy kid, but I always had to lie saying "She is looking beautiful" As I didn't want to die at this age.

She is the whimsical character that can't stay steady not even for a moment.

Gradually she fell asleep while watching the Tv. I was sleepy too.

But I couldn't restrain myself when my eyes fall on her, she is the only person who can make my heart flutter this way. I tried hard but finally gave in to my desire and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

I wanted to kiss those pink plumpy lips but it'll make her aware of my actions.

So I just keep repress myself from doing anything stupid like this. I wish she could understand my feelings without even expressing them.

I just don't wanna lose my only family stating my stupid feelings to her. And I know she would never love me back the way I do.

But this wasn't the only reason I was keeping her away from mine. Would she love me back if she knew who I was for real?! Would she accept me and my reality? Would she be angry with me for hiding my truth from her? Would she forgive me? 

Should I tell her? Or should I keep her in dark?

These wild thoughts of mine drove me crazy sometimes, but I do control myself every time just because of her. I don't want to force her to share the same black shadow that I do.

But only if I can I would have shown her what was she for me !!

Life was too unfair, why can't I proceed her with my feelings even after loving her more than anything in this world.

A cringing pain took over my soul making me hard to breathe.

I let out a deep sigh allowing my body muscles to relax a bit and trap my useless thoughts in a deep dark room letting them rot there. 

The black shadow of my life should never touch her.

I wish I could be jealous over her, break someone's hand or face for touching her, hold her in my arm, caress her hair, kiss her forehead with legit rights.

I wish...." Stop Ryan !! Stop right here. Don't even think of beginning something that you can't take responsibility for.

 It's better than not to do anything rather than leaving it in halfway" The voice inside my head dragged me out of my "Long list of wishes" and discarded me with a hard slap of reality on my face. 

I am happy at least my wishes know where should it stop.

I moved far away from her as I don't know whether I can control my unbridled tide of wishes if I stay this close to her. Something is better to be cherished from afar than touching or stepping close to it.