Little By Little. 

Little By Little. 

Radhika puffed out her cheeks ruefully.

Placing Shaur on the bed and pulling the duvet gently over him, she sat beside him quietly. Her gaze remained fixed on his sleeping face, warmth slowly blooming inside her chest.

It was strange thinking about how grown he would be in just a few years. One day, these tiny moments would become memories. These were the golden days she had with him, and she wanted to treasure every single one of them.

A quiet smile stayed on her lips as she watched his tiny chest rise and fall.

His tiny face looked so peaceful whenever he wasn’t occupied with some mischievous little scheme. For such a small child, he carried endless energy within him.

The thought alone was enough to bring another soft smile to her lips. Even his mischief had become something she looked forward to now. Life around him was never truly quiet, yet she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He was growing up well now, and to her, nothing mattered more than that. She refused to miss even a single moment of his childhood for anyone. These were moments she knew would never come back once they passed. Every new trick of his somehow turned out more mischievous than the last, yet all it ever did was make her smile. Most of all when he puffed up his tiny cheeks in pure offense whenever someone laughed at him.

Even his sulking was unbearably adorable to her. Watching him grow had quietly become the happiest part of her life.

In moments like these, the rest of the world hardly seemed important anymore.

Carefully, she brushed a few strands of hair away from his forehead. His hair had grown quite long now.

Her fingers absentmindedly stroked his tiny hand resting above the blanket. Somehow, that small hand comforted her like nothing else could.

The warmth of his tiny hand somehow eased the heaviness inside her chest. She breathed out calmly. 

The room had grown calm now, wrapped in the stillness of the night. Only the soft sound of his breathing filled the silence around her, while the warm yellow light bathed the room in a quiet sense of peace.

Watching him like this made something inside her soften every single time. Somehow, his presence alone made everything feel a little easier to bear.

Somewhere along the way, he had quietly become the brightest part of her life. The weight of each exhausting day seemed to ease whenever she looked at him. In a world that often felt unbearably harsh, Shaur remained her softest comfort.

Sometimes, the thought of how quickly he was growing frightened her. She wished she could preserve these tiny moments forever before time inevitably carried them away.

One day, this little boy would no longer fit so perfectly beneath her arm. And perhaps that was why she treasured every second so desperately. The thought alone made her chest ache softly.

Time was moving far too quickly for her liking.

Even in his sleep, his lips twitched ever so slightly, as though he were already planning another mischievous little stunt. His tiny fingers remained curled around the edge of the duvet instinctively.

The faint pout lingering on his face from earlier only made him look more adorable.

She had to resist the urge to kiss his puffed-up cheeks. So she settled with her fingers lightly poking one cheek instead, unable to completely resist him. Carefully, she tucked the duvet a little closer around him.

She gently brushed her thumb across his soft cheek, a fond smile lingering on her lips.

“You’re going to become one fine man, aren’t you, Shaur?”

Deep down, she knew he would.

Lying down beside him, she gently snuggled against his tiny form. For a while, her thoughts remained occupied with him, warm and certain.

But then reality crept back in.

A reality she had desperately avoided acknowledging because of the storm it threatened to unleash inside her mind.

She had been so immersed in thoughts of her baby brother that she had almost forgotten.

Almost.

Him.

His arrival.

Her body stiffened almost instantly at the thought. The warmth inside her chest slowly gave way to something colder. Her fingers tightened unconsciously around the blanket. A faint unease curled deep within her stomach.

Just the thought of him unsettled the fragile peace she had built moments ago.

His presence lingered at the edge of her thoughts like something she feared naming aloud. It was frightening how quickly one thought of him could unravel her calm. She had spent so long trying not to think about what his arrival truly meant. 

She hated how easily her mind returned to him. Even surrounded by warmth, the shadow of him still found its way back to her.

The comfort she had felt moments ago now seemed painfully fragile.

It was as though her mind had deliberately avoided the thought until now. The realization hit her slowly, then all at once.

She had been distracting herself without even realizing it.

Remembering him left a bitter taste in her mouth. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t forget the way he had made her feel.

Time heals all wounds?

No. People merely grow accustomed to carrying the pain.

Yet the moment her thoughts drifted toward him, those old wounds began aching all over again.

The reality was both disheartening and terrifying. Because with his presence came the reality she had nearly managed to forget.

Hadn’t she?

The answer was obvious.

Her chest felt unbearably tight at the thought. The comfort she had felt moments ago slowly slipped through her fingers.

A strange unease crawled beneath her skin.

Her body instinctively tensed, as though even the memory of him unsettled her. She hated how easily one thought of him could disturb her peace.

No matter how much time passed, he still lingered in the darkest corners of her mind. She had convinced herself she was doing better. But perhaps she had merely been avoiding it.

His arrival threatened to unravel everything she had desperately tried to hold together. Because his presence forced her to confront truths she no longer wished to remember. He was a reminder of everything she had tried so hard to escape.

Beside her, Shaur slept peacefully, completely unaware of the storm slowly building inside her mind. The soft rhythm of Shaur’s breathing grounded her just enough to keep herself from spiraling further.

She instinctively pulled herself closer to Shaur, as though his warmth could shield her from those thoughts.

If only. 

Radhika closed her eyes slowly, though sleep felt impossibly far away.

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