35—A Feeling She Couldn't Shake.

35—A Feeling She Couldn't Shake.

"The degree or level of pain is different for everybody. You cannot compare it with anybody else through your own depiction of it."

—Saumya Tripathi. 

"I don't like this." She frowned. "No matter how much I try brushing it off, it keeps bothering me."

A pause.

"Honestly... sometimes my instincts frighten me more than the possibilities themselves."

Radhika couldn't help herself from voicing how she felt without even realizing it.

"Radha? What are you mumbling about?" 

Suddenly she heard Sabba questioning her. Later she realized she was audible. 

"Huh? Oh. It's just... there's this feeling." She hesitated, pressing her lips together.

"Tell me. You know you can trust me, right?"

She gulped. Opening up had never been easy for her, but she did trust her. Although, the words sat heavily in her throat, refusing to come out. 

"Hey."

When Radhika finally looked up, Sabba smiled softly.

"You don't have to explain it perfectly. Just tell me what's going on. What's keeping you so preoccupied?”

Biting her lips, she looked away.

Sabba turned toward her fully.

"If your instincts are bothering you this much, then tell me." Her voice softened. "You don't have to carry it alone.”

Nodding, she did. "Do you ever get this feeling?" she asked quietly. "Like something's wrong, but you can't explain why?"

A pause settled between them. Knowing her well enough, Sabba gave her the silence she needed to gather her thoughts.

"I've been trying to ignore it, but it just won't leave."

Another pause.

"Sometimes I think my instincts scare me more than whatever I'm actually afraid of.”

Sabba stayed quiet, giving her space.

"I know it sounds stupid," she whispered. "But I can't shake this feeling that something is wrong."

Patiently Sabba listened to her. 

Her fingers tightened around themselves. "And what scares me isn't the feeling itself..." She lowered her gaze. "...it's how much I want to believe it's nothing.”

They both stayed quiet for a while. 

Radhika sighed quietly.

"I'm tired, Sabba."

She looked away as she spoke, unable to maintain eye contact with her anymore. Somehow, she felt too vulnerable. 

"I'm tired of not knowing whether I'm protecting myself or just scaring myself.”

"No, it isn't stupid." Sabba frowned slightly. Taking both of her hands into hers, she offered a small smile. "Maybe it's a warning." 

She shook her head moments later.

"Or maybe it's anxiety pretending to be one." After a pause, she added, "Or maybe it's just your instincts talking?”

Radhika lowered her gaze.

"I don't know."

She pressed her lips together.

"That's what scares me. I don't know which one it is.”

"If it is, then maybe you shouldn't ignore it." Sabba said softly. "Instincts don't always appear without reason,” she paused for a while before adding, "But maybe you're also overthinking because you're anxious."

 She shrugged lightly.

"Not every uneasy feeling means something bad is waiting around the corner."

Radhika stayed quiet for a moment.

Logically, she understood what Sabba meant. Emotionally, however, was another matter entirely. 

Turning towards her fully, Sabba tried again. 

"You know..." Sabba sighed. "Sometimes instincts are right. And sometimes they're just fear wearing a convincing disguise."

She nudged her lightly.

"You don't have to figure out which one it is alone though."

"Maybe I'm just overthinking." Radhika forced a small smile. "It wouldn't be the first time my mind decided to torture me for no reason."

Sabba remained quiet briefly. 

Then she spoke softly. "Maybe." She squeezed her hands gently. "But you've been carrying this feeling around long enough that it's clearly bothering you."

A pause.

"So for now... stop trying to solve it."

She nudged her lightly.

"Just let me keep you company instead.”

She looked at Radhika.

"Either way, worrying yourself sick before anything even happens won't help."

Radhika remained quiet for a moment yet again. 

"What if I'm not wrong though?" she asked softly. "What if something really is going to happen?"

Sabba sighed softly.

"Radhika, if something happens, then we'll handle it.”

She nudged her shoulder lightly.

"And if nothing happens, then congratulations—you stressed yourself for free."

Despite herself, a small smile crept onto Radhika's face at Sabba's tone.

"Promise me you'll stop thinking about it for now and just enjoy this with me?"

After a brief hesitation, she nodded.

Sabba smiled triumphantly.

"Good."

She linked her arm with hers.

"Now stop making that face before I start charging therapy fees."

A small laugh escaped Radhika before she could stop it.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. The uneasy feeling hadn't disappeared. It still lingered somewhere deep inside her.

But somehow—It didn't feel as heavy anymore.

Sabba bumped her shoulder again.

This time, Radhika didn't move away.

Sabba squeezed her hand once before letting go.

She nodded. Though even as she did, her fingers curled slightly into themselves.

Old habits died hard. Worrying was one of them.

Somehow, hearing someone else acknowledge her fear made carrying it easier.

For the first time that evening, the weight inside her chest felt lighter.

It wasn't much.

But it was enough.

Sabba bumped her shoulder lightly again.

This time, a small laugh escaped Radhika.

“Alright?”

“Yes.”

“Good, now let's have fun!”

Radhika nodded with a smile. 

“Shall we?”

“Okay!”

Silence stretched between them, though it no longer felt uncomfortable.

Softer this time.

After a while, it happened again. 

Radhika wanted to believe Sabba. She truly did.

But something inside her refused to settle. Yet somewhere deep inside her, that stubborn feeling continued clawing quietly at the corners of her mind. As though the unease she had been trying so desperately to ignore had merely gone quiet rather than disappeared after the talk with Sabba. 

Unable to ignore it any longer, she leaned her head against the window beside her and risked a glance toward the intimidating brute seated in the passenger seat, unintentionally. 

To her horror, those intense black eyes were already fixed on her through the rearview mirror. She immediately looked away from the scorching intensity of his gaze…

She took a shaky deep breath, trying to calm the sudden pounding of her heart.

Their gazes had only met for a couple of seconds, yet her heart had lurched violently inside her chest. Even now, the lingering feeling of being watched unnerved her, heat prickling uncomfortably across her skin.

Drawing in a sharp breath, she tried ignoring the burning sensation creeping along the side of her face.

But to her growing trepidation, it proved entirely futile.

"Why is he looking at me like that?" Radhika seemed to ask aloud.

"Did you say something? I couldn't hear you properly." Sabba turned toward her.

"No. No, I didn't." she denied quickly.

Yet she could still feel those intense eyes lingering on her.

A few moments passed.

Sabba narrowed her eyes slightly and stared at her for a moment longer.

"Then why are you suddenly sitting like someone threatened your entire bloodline?"

Radhika blinked.

"I am not."

Sabba raised an eyebrow.

"Radha, you're practically glued to the window.”

"No. No, I am not."

She looked away quickly.

Silence settled between them again.

Yet the feeling remained.

Heavy.

Suffocating.

Sabba glanced at her once more.

"You're still thinking about it, aren't you?"

Radhika remained quiet because she didn't want to lie anymore. 

Not to her. 

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