Chapter 1

Shay's POV

I stared at Ryan Holt's phone after the screen went dark again. I hesitated for all of three seconds before entering Winnie Lowe's birthday as the passcode.

The phone unlocked.

After Ryan and Winnie broke up, Winnie changed her number and disappeared completely. That long string of digits Ryan kept typing from memory was the only way he still had to reach her.

The call rang for barely three seconds before someone answered.

I hadn't even had time to say, "I'm planning to divorce Ryan," when Winnie's choked, tearful voice burst through the speaker.

"Ryan! You finally called me!

"I knew you couldn't really let me go. We love each other so much we'd give up our lives for each other.

"How could you just leave like that? We said we'd face everything together. You have ALS. It's not an immediate death sentence. And even if it were, I'd still stay with you. I'd die with you if I had to.

"I know you don't want to burden me, but... I'm really scared Ms. Moore won't take good care of you. What does she know how to do besides get jealous and act crazy?"

Her sobs mingled with the faint static on the line.

The truth hit me like a crack of thunder.

All at once, I remembered that night six months ago.

Ryan had stood in front of me looking exhausted, his voice hoarse. Then he tore up the divorce papers and said, "Shay, can we not get divorced?"

By then, the marriage had already drained me.

From the day I caught him cheating to the day I forced him to end things with Winnie, I'd behaved like someone possessed. I told people everywhere we went that he'd betrayed me.

I slapped him twice in front of his parents. I made him get on his knees and swear he'd never betray me again.

Every time he brought me another set of divorce papers, I tore them up.

I clung to the marriage with everything I had.

Ryan and I had grown up together. We'd had twenty years between us, and I kept telling myself Winnie was just one wrong turn he'd taken.

I believed we still had a chance.

But when Ryan finally put that chance in front of me himself, I lost my nerve.

"Why?" I asked.

Ryan stayed silent for a long time.

In the end, he didn't explain.

Only now did I finally understand.

He was sick.

He couldn't bear the thought of burdening Winnie.

But burdening me was apparently fine.

I thought the realization would hurt. I thought it would tear through me the way it had the day I discovered his affair.

But strangely, it didn't.

While Ryan had spent the past six months trying to get over Winnie, I had been slowly getting over him too.

A bitter smile tugged at my lips. I ended the call and deleted it from his call history.

Ryan had just finished showering when he stopped behind me.

His voice was a little hoarse. "Who were you calling?"

"Someone I just met," I said casually.

Ryan paused before replying, just as casually, "Oh. She sounded a lot like someone I used to know."

I lowered my eyes, hiding the mockery in them.

Even with the shower running, he'd recognized Winnie's voice.

What else could that be but love?

I must have been out of my mind six months ago. I'd clung desperately to a cheating man who didn't deserve it, and I had nearly committed the rest of my life to caring for someone who was dying.

When I got up, Ryan stepped forward and reached out as if he wanted to pull me into his arms.

I evaded him.

Then I looked him straight in the eye.

"I have a physical tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?"

His hands paused in midair. A moment later, his gaze shifted.

"I just had a checkup last month. I'll skip it."

"How did it go?"

"I'm perfectly healthy."

Ryan smiled faintly, took my hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Don't stress yourself out. Even if something is wrong, we can face it together."

His eyes flickered, almost as though he were testing me.

"If something ever happened to me, you'd stay with me too, wouldn't you?"

No, Ryan.

I wouldn't.

The Shay Moore who had once loved you with everything she had would have stayed.

But the Shay Moore you came back to because you needed someone to clean up the mess wouldn't.

I calmly pulled my hand from his and left his question unanswered.

"Let's get some sleep. I have a physical tomorrow, so I can't stay up late."

Ryan frowned and instinctively stepped toward me, looking as if he wanted to say something else.

Before he could, his phone suddenly started ringing.

He looked at the screen once, and his expression changed immediately.

I knew at once who it was.

Winnie was calling him back.

Thunder exploded outside, and a flash of white light lit up Ryan's face.

For six months, his eyes had been quiet and dull.

Now, for the first time, they came alive with a brightness I'd never seen before.

He stood frozen in the living room for so long that I almost thought he was going to let the call ring out.

Then he answered.

A second later, he grabbed his umbrella and coat and headed for the door.

"Something urgent came up at work. I need to go in."

He didn't even wait for me to respond before the door slammed shut behind him.

I stood alone in the dark living room for a long time before I went into the study, opened the bottom drawer, and pulled out an old divorce agreement.

Ryan had signed it back when he'd been desperate to get rid of me.

Under the terms of the agreement, he would leave the marriage with nothing.

I wondered if Winnie would still be willing to take care of him once she found out he'd be broke and disabled.