He Killed My Babies Thirty-Six Times

Nyra’s POV

“Luna Blackthorne, congratulations. You’re pregnant.”

For a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

The healer’s voice echoed inside my head, distant and unreal, as though the words had traveled through water before reaching me.

Pregnant? My fingers tightened slowly around the edge of the table.

No, this had to be a dream.

After seven years and thirty-six failed pregnancies. After endless tonics, rituals, prayers, medicines, and sleepless nights, I was finally pregnant.

A sharp breath escaped me and only then did I realize tears were rolling down my cheeks.

My entire body trembled.

“Are… are you sure?” I whispered.

The healer nodded slowly, but something about her expression made the joy in my chest falter.

There was no happiness in her eyes, only pity. Cold dread crept beneath my skin.

“What’s wrong?” I asked quietly.

The healer hesitated before speaking carefully. “Your body is too weak, Luna.”

My smile faded completely. “What does that mean?”

“Your wolf has suffered severe damage from the repeated miscarriages.” Her voice softened. “If you continue this pregnancy… There is a very high chance you will die.”

Silence filled the room as my hand moved instinctively to my stomach.

There was life inside me, a baby. Mine and Cassian’s baby.

For years, I had prayed to the Moon Goddess until my knees bruised against cold temple floors.

I had swallowed countless medicines, endured painful treatments, and smiled through humiliation whenever pack members whispered that perhaps their Luna was barren.

And every single time I lost another child, Cassian held me in his arms while I cried myself to sleep.

“We’ll try again,” he would whisper while brushing my hair back.

So many nights, I had clung to those words like salvation. Now, after all those years our prayers and efforts have paid off.

My eyes hardened as I stared at the healer, “I’ll keep it.”

The healer looked at me, alarm flashing across her face. “Luna—”

“I’ve made my decision,” I cut in sharply. “I’m not changing my mind.”

“Perhaps, take some time to consider it. We can still terminate the pup, it’s still very early. I’m sure if you inform the Alpha—”

“Silence!” I snapped, my wolf stirring faintly beneath my anger. “Not one word about terminating my pup. And not one word about this to Cassian.”

I held her gaze, my voice steady despite the storm inside me.

“I’ve waited seven years for this child. I will give Cassian an heir… even if it costs me my life.”

The healer eventually lowered her head.

“As you wish, Luna.”

After she left, I remained seated for several seconds, staring blankly at my trembling hands.

I was finally pregnant. Despite everything my body had finally succeeded.

A weak whimper echoed faintly inside my mind. It was my wolf.

For years she had grown quieter and weaker after every miscarriage, but now I felt the faintest flicker of warmth from her.

I smiled through my tears.

“We did it,” I whispered.

Then I hurried out of the healing ward, my heart pounding wildly. I needed to tell Cassian. He’d be over the moon with joy.

I barely made it down the hallway before voices drifted from the room behind me.

“...I really pity Luna Nyra.”

My steps halted as the healer’s voice from earlier sounded.

“She loves the Alpha so much she’s willing to die just to give him an heir.”

A faint sigh followed.

“Too bad the Alpha doesn’t want one.”

My breath caught in my throat as I stepped back soundlessly, my hands slipping from the wall as their words echoed in my head.

Everything inside me froze as the world became strangely quiet.

I stared ahead blankly.

Cassian didn’t want an heir?

No, that wasn’t possible. Cassian wanted children more than anyone. He was always patient after every miscarriage, always gentle, and always comforting.

I remembered nights where he stayed awake beside me feeding me soup because I was too weak to hold a spoon.

I remembered him rubbing my swollen feet while murmuring:

“We’ll have our baby someday.”

I remembered the way he looked at me after every loss, with tenderness and love.

“No…” I whispered shakily.

They were wrong. They had to be.

I forced myself to walk away before they noticed me listening, but their words followed me like ghosts.

My chest tightened painfully but I quickened my pace.

Cassian would prove them wrong.

—

By the time I reached his study, my thoughts were spiraling uncontrollably.

As I rounded the hallway, I heard hushed voices. I thought he was having a meeting so I decided to come back later but the next words I heard had me freezing in place.

“She’ll be back soon, increase the dosage of the wolfsbane, and feed her the soup.”

I heard the cold and clear unmistakable voice of Cassian. My mouth went dry and I tried to calm my racing heart. I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.

But the next words I heard had me reeling with shock.

“But Alpha, if I increase the dose, Luna Nyra could die. Her wolf is already silent and weak from years of feeding her wolfsbane, I'm not sure her body can take any more.”

That voice belonged to my housekeeper, she was the one in charge of making my meals. What is going on?

“I don’t care if she dies, I don’t want any pup from her. Just do your job and keep your mouth shut!” Cassian snarled coldly.

“If you despise her so much, why not reject her rather than poisoning her slowly and causing her pain,” the woman said quietly.

“This is Nyra’s punishment. She’s the reason Isolde is dead and she will spend the rest of her life paying for it,” he said.

Punishment? The word ripped through me as my vision blurred instantly.

Seven years of pain and all this time it was all him.

The man I love was punishing me for the death of his first love — a woman he abandoned during the explosion and saved me instead when the mate bond between us was activated.

I slid slowly onto the floor, my body shaking violently.

Thirty-six miscarriages. I remembered every single one. The blood, the pain, and the unbearable emptiness afterward.

I remembered clutching Cassian while sobbing into his chest when all along he had been poisoning me himself.

My stomach twisted violently and suddenly I couldn’t stop shaking.

How many times had I blamed myself? How many nights had I cried silently because I thought my body was defective?

I had loved him so much that I destroyed myself willingly.

I curled up on the floor, my body shaking as silent sobs tore through me. My nails dug into my palm but I felt nothing. All I could see was the blood of all my pups that Cassian killed.