Chapter 6 : the miscarriage

I was fifteen weeks pregnant now. The morning sickness had finally passed, replaced by a small but undeniable bump. I'd felt the baby move little flutters that the books called "quickening," like my child was trying to wake me up to something.

Maybe it was.

I'd tried to show Marcus one night, placing his hand on my stomach. "Feel that? The baby's moving."

He'd smiled, said "that's amazing," and moved his hand after exactly three seconds. Then his phone had buzzed, and he'd been gone mentally first, physically five minutes later. "Emergency at work Be back soon."

He'd come home at 2 AM.

That was two days ago.

Now, I sat in my car outside a Starbucks on Wilshire, hands shaking as I stared at my phone screen.

I'd told myself I wouldn't do this. Wouldn't check up on him. Wouldn't become that wife who tracked her husband's location like a detective.

But desperation made liars of everyone.

I'd noticed the Find My Friends app was still sharing his location he'd probably forgotten to turn it off. For weeks, I'd resisted looking. But this morning, when he'd left at 6 AM for a "breakfast meeting with Jensen," something had snapped inside me.

So I looked.

The blue dot that represented my husband wasn't at his office. Wasn't at any restaurant I recognized.

It was at The Grandview Hotel.

The same hotel. Room 512, if I had to guess.

Six in the morning. At a hotel.

My phone buzzed. A text from Marcus.

Marcus: Meeting running long. Probably won't make it home for dinner. Order something for yourself. Love you.

I stared at that message at the casual cruelty of it, the ease with which he lied and something inside me ignited.

Not sadness.

Rage.

Pure, white-hot, pregnant-woman rage.

I started the car.

The Grandview Hotel was one of those boutique places that tried too hard all exposed brick and Edison bulbs and overpriced cocktails. The kind of place Marcus liked to take clients.

The kind of place he'd been taking Kelly for months.

I walked through the lobby in my work clothes a blue dress that barely accommodated my bump now, flats because my feet had started swelling. I probably looked exactly like what I was a tired, pregnant woman who'd finally had enough.

The elevator ride to the fifth floor felt like descending into hell.

Room 512 was at the end of the hall.

I stood outside the door, hand raised to knock, and heard A woman's voice, light and carefree. "Stop, you're going to make me spill my coffee."

Then Marcus's voice, warm in a way it never was with me anymore. "Then don't distract me when I'm trying to work."

"This is working?" More laughter. "Could've fooled me."

The sound of kissing Soft murmurs.

My hand dropped to my stomach, protective, instinctive. The baby fluttered against my palm, like it could sense my distress.

I knocked.

The voices inside went silent. Scrambling sounds. Footsteps.

The door opened.

Marcus stood there in his dress shirt untucked, top three buttons undone and stopped breathing when he saw me.

"Eleanor." My name came out strangled. "What are you…how did you"

"Find My Friends." My voice was eerily calm. "You forgot to turn it off."

Behind him, I could see the room Unmade bed. Two coffee cups on the nightstand. A woman's jacket draped over a chair.

"Babe, this isn't"

"Don't." I held up my hand. "Don't you dare tell me this isn't what it looks like."

A woman appeared behind him. Kelly, presumably. Younger than I had imagined mid-twenties at most, with dark hair still mussed from bed and wearing one of Marcus's shirts.

His shirt.

Something on my face must have been terrifying because Kelly took a step back.

"You told me it was over," I said quietly, looking at Marcus. "You promised you swore you ended it."

"I tried"

"You TRIED?" My voice rose. "You're in a hotel room with her at six in the fucking morning and you TRIED?"

"Okay, yes, I lied." His hands came up, defensive now Caught. "But can we not do this here? Can we go home and talk"

"Home?" I laughed, high and broken. "You want to go home? To the place where I'm carrying your child while you're" I gestured at the room, at Kelly, at the evidence of his betrayal. "While you're FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE?"

"I think I should go," Kelly said quietly, grabbing her purse.

"Yeah, you should," I snapped. "And while you're at it, you should know that the man you're sleeping with has a pregnant wife at home. Fifteen weeks In case he forgot to mention that detail."

Kelly's face went white she looked at Marcus. "You said you were separated."

"WE'RE NOT SEPARATED!" I screamed. "We live together! We sleep in the same bed! I'm having his BABY!"

"Oh my god." Kelly grabbed her jacket. "I can't…I didn't know"

She pushed past us both and fled down the hallway.

Leaving me and Marcus alone.

"You told her we were separated," I said slowly. "You told your mistress that your pregnant wife didn't exist."

"Eleanor, please"

"How long?" I stepped into the room, and he backed up. "How long has this been going on? And don't lie to me I'm done with your lies."

"Since... since before you got pregnant."

The world tilted.

"Before?

"Six months maybe seven I don't.."

"SEVEN MONTHS?" My voice cracked. "You've been cheating on me for seven months? You got me pregnant while you were fucking someone else?

"It wasn't like that"

"WHAT WAS IT LIKE THEN?" I was screaming now, all the rage and hurt and betrayal of the past months pouring out. "Tell me! What was it like? Was it fun? Was she better than me? Is that why you can barely stand to touch me anymore?"

"You want the truth?" His face hardened, the mask finally dropping completely. "Fine Yes It was fun.

Yes, she's exciting and spontaneous and doesn't nag me about every little thing. And no, I didn't plan for you to get pregnant. That wasn't supposed to happen."

The words hit like physical blows.

"Wasn't supposed to happen," I repeated numbly.

"We weren't even trying! You went off birth control without telling me"

"We TALKED about starting a family! You said you wanted"

"I said what you wanted to hear! Because that's what I always do say what you want to hear so you'll stop asking questions and let me live my life!"

Silence crashed between us.

"Your life," I whispered. "Is that what I am? An interruption to your life?"

"I didn't mean"

"Yes, you did." Tears streamed down my face now. "You meant every word. I'm an obligation the baby is a mistake and Kelly" My voice broke "Kelly is what you actually want."

"Eleanor"

"Do you even love me?" The question came out small, broken. "Did you ever?"

He didn't answer that was answer enough.

Something shifted in my chest. Not broke it had been breaking for months. This was different this was the final piece falling into place the moment of absolute clarity.

"I want a divorce."

The words surprised me as much as they surprised him.

"What?"

"I want a divorce. I'm done I'm done being your obligation. I'm done pretending. I'm done"

A cramp hit, sharp and sudden, stealing my breath.