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75: My responsibility
"If you ever get a second chance in life for something, you’ve got to go all the way.
~Lance Armstrong“I hate myself for saying this, but I prefer him when he didn't have his memory. He was happier even though he didn't know much about himself and even though he was trapped in a wheelchair and woke up surrounded by people he didn't know. Maybe it's because I got used to him being happy and grateful for life, but with his memory back, he just pushes me away.
He's only responsive with Kemi and a part of me feels jealous of the fact that she can reach him in a way that I might never be able to.
I miss those days he'd be beside me holding my hand after a rough day or when he'd say a few stupid things just so I could smile. I miss him, his bright smile, his happy face and the way he held onto me. I miss his delicate touch on my skin, I miss the way he always said Alex and
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His Dark Desires 76: One more chance
"I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be."~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations. As though reading my mind and its scepticism, he says, "I have been having a hard time sleeping on my own since you moved out of the bedroom and that was even before my memory came back. I know it was all my idea that you move, but I regretted it immediately and didn't know how to take it all back. I'm sorry, please can I stay?"He needs me and even though I've warned myself to not get too attached after what he did because I'd only get hurt, I step away from the door and let him in. He pushes his wheelchair into the room and towards my bed. Once there, he quickly helps himself onto the bed before arranging himself and laying down. He's having a hang of this, just like he was doing before he got h
His Dark Desires 77: The best birthday present
"I just want you to know that you're very special... and the only reason I'm telling you is that I don't know if anyone else ever has." ~Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a WallflowerTwo months laterAs I step into the room, from another hectic day at work and I see the whole family present in the parlour. There's an event taking place and I have no idea what it is and I slow down my mind, not wanting to look like a complete fool and I begin to calculate what today is and where there are so many people here, or is it our wedding? No, that's still a few weeks away and it isn't Rayge's birthday yet neither is it, Rogue... Well, whose celebration?Oh shit."Happy birthday, Alex!!" they all exclaim and I cover my face up, taken back by surprise and my eyes close
His Dark Desires 78: When bad news comes
"You never fail to amaze me. Every day there is something new that makes me love you even more than the day before."~AnonymousThree weeks laterI moan a little, my consciousness returns with the flicker of the ray of the sun on my face and as my lashes slowly lift, I see Rogue laying next to me and staring at me quietly. There is a small adorable smile that stays on his face as though he's staring at the sunset for a new day. My eyes shutter almost as they meet his and I turn away quickly because the embarrassing feeling of not looking too good for the morning washes over me, I'm not a rough sleeper neither am I a heavy one, but I don't think that I'm the prettiest when I sleep either. So having him watch me while I sleep is creepy in a cute way but really embarrassing."Oh come on," he protests to my action and he takes hold small of my shoulder with h
His Dark Desires 79: Family time
"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word."~George R.R. Martin"Mama!" Rayge calls out excitedly as he sees me enters his room and he claps his hands cheerfully. His mouth is covered up with cereals and I can see that he's done with his morning food. Luckily for me, Rayge isn't a troublesome baby and his bath, feeding and sleeping times are some of the best times and while I had read articles of first babies being a handful, Rayge is the exact opposite of that. He's calm and quiet and peaceful and I feel blessed.I beam at him and reach into his cradle to take him out into my arms. "I just gave him his breakfast!" Announces Gloria, Rayge nanny as she steps out of the bathroom confirming my earlier suspicion."It's your bathing time!" I squeal with wide eyes at Rayge and he smiles into a loud giggle.Gloria comes over to me t
His Dark Desires 80: The change we see
"I've never had a moment's doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life."~Ian McEwan, AtonementThe next week followed with Rogue not going back to the subject of Lorenzo and I hate that my mind kept taking me back there, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know if Rogue thought about what the warden told him a week ago all the while he went to work and attend all those conference meetings, but I did. And I didn't mean to take matters that weren't my concern up but I couldn't stop.If today I get informed that the man that raped me many years ago is now at the point of death I wouldn't stop thinking and wondering what to do or how to act. I would think about it, I will think about everything he did to me and everything I went through because of that very act of wickedness.But Rogue is Rogue and Ale
His Dark Desires 81: For me alone
Two weeks laterArriving at home, I see Rogue's car parked in the parking lot. I glance down at my wristwatch which reads 5:30 p.m. and I know he's already home maybe even earlier than he normally used to, but that is a good thing.Things have been very awkward between us and I believe I played an equal part in it.I did take Kemi's advise and be a lover and a wife and a fighter beside Rogue, but it been two weeks and I don't know how effective that has been.I make my way into the house which is awfully quiet and that is unusual because there is always something going on and I decided to ignore that and make my way upstairs. As I get up the stairs, I head straight for Rayge's room to check up on him, but when I get there, I don't find him in his cradle. I panic the first few seconds that pass then I come to the awareness that Rogue is home and probably with him and I waste no
His Dark Desires 82: So cute
“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues… are created, strengthened and maintained.” –~Winston ChurchillWe step out of the shower wrapped in the bathroom towel and wiping the water off our bodies. As my body dries up, I change into my nightgown after applying my body lotion on my skin. I am almost done with that when Rogue begins to speak."I always hated him," he says and I feel a little lost and needing him to explain but in no way trying to speak for him or jump to conclusion in my mind I remain quiet. "I hated him as much as I hated every wicked thing he did to me while I was still with him, I hated him more than anything in life. I did wish I could kill him, but I knew I didn't possess such power or strength in myself and I hated
His Dark Desires 83: She fell in love with you
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths."~Elisabeth Kübler-RossFlashbackThree months after meeting Lucas.The door opened and Lucas and I stepped into the hotel room, the trial just ended and I was found not guilty by the judge on the count of first-degree murder of my foster mother Audrey and after the verdict was made, Lucas offered to take me in as my guardian and when the court saw I didn't object they let me go with him. He informed me about the legal process of becoming my guardian and it involves papers works and most importantly my consent. I didn't have so much option or choice in the situation.Lucas
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- His Dark Desires 91: Ever after happily
- His Dark Desires 90: It was for a good cause
- His Dark Desires 89: The need to be a good girl
- His Dark Desires 88: A long, pleasure-filled day ahead
- His Dark Desires 87: Not a quitter
- His Dark Desires 86: Here he lies
- His Dark Desires 85: Leaving the past behind
- His Dark Desires 84: Being his father
- His Dark Desires 83: She fell in love with you
