I don’t think i am ready

Hela

My mind has been replaying the same two words that my father uttered since yesterday.

I couldn’t believe my ears, so I stormed out of the office to think, calm down and reason for a bit. It feels like we are moving too fast and at this point I just want my mind to stop functioning because my head is clouded with “what if” thoughts and I am getting lost, so lost that I did not sense my brother’s presence.

“Hela.” he called and i was so startled that i was on the verge of shifting to protect myself from danger.

“You do know you will be long gone before you get to shift if someone was actually planning on killing you.” He all but said as he gave me a are you kidding me look.

“You literally scared the daylights out of me. I am sorry I could not sense you coming, I was lost in my thoughts. How did you know I will be here?”

I had to ask him because I made sure no one knew I was here. I really just wanted to be alone with my thoughts and process everything that has been said, done and will soon take place.

Sitting down on the log of wood i was sitting on too he says,

“Sometimes I feel like you forget that I am your twin brother and that we grew up together, so I basically know you in and out, especially where you will be in times like this.”

Unable to hold back the tears i have been trying to hold since yesterday which came flowing out like a dam i turned to my brother to bare my heart to him. I could not bear the thought of getting married to a stranger but that was the list of my worries. The one that sat on top that list was the problem that could arise if I did not partake of this ceremonial partnership.

“You know… i sniffled my nose as i continued,

“I don’t think I am ready for this”.

Playfully nudging my shoulders, he said “I don't think anyone is ever prepared for unexpected things like this, we just try our best to make it work out.”

Teary eyed I looked up to my brother to see that he was looking at me with a face filled with hope and reassurance and I could not stop the fresh new tears that streamed down my face.

Hugging me and rubbing my back my brother teased me “Oh my, it's been quite a long time since I have seen you cry like this big sister, I thought you were supposed to be the stronger one amongst both of us. Now here you are, bawling your eyes out and feeding snots to my favorite maroon five t-shirt which you will be buying back apparently because eww.”

He pushed me away, putting a distance between me and his shirt, while he scrunched his face up in disgust and I could not help but laugh.

“But it's not that bad, besides it’s washable.”

He clicked his tongue in refusal, insisting that I get him a new one.

“Fine, I will get you a new one.”

“That's more like it.” the annoying Wolf cheered

“I wonder how your former boyfriends coped or how your mate will?” it was quite known that my brother was gay, but not everyone was in support of that, es pecially my father who is quite biased on the matter. I love my brother so much and will support him even if the world is against him.

“They did just fine, and eventually so will my mate .” he said and sighed and we both fell into a comfortable silence and I got lost in the silence but before I could go further, my brother's voice brought me to reality.

“Hey can i ask why you feel like you are not ready yet?, like i get, no one is ever prepared for this kind of thing but i feel like it’s more than that, like you are stalling.”

Fuck, am i really that easy to read, or is it because he is my twin that he is able to tell that there is more than i letting out. I really didn’t want to delve further into this topic, but since he brought it up, i might as well tell him what has really been troubling me.

“So you noticed?” i kicked a pebble and watched it fly.

“Yeah i did sis, noting passes me by.”

Another sigh escapes my lips, i guess i am really that easy to read. “Like i said earlier, i am not ready. I am not ready to marry someone i have barely seen not talk of love. What if i meet my mate and i am already married to that ruthless man, will i able to leave him for my own love and if i decide to satisfy my own selfish desire, what will become of the peace our pack will gain from the marriage. Oh dear brother my heart and mind is in turmoil.” i kicked another pebble but with much force this time.

“I don’t pursuing your heart desire is selfish. Apart from that i understand your worries. I can not give full assurance because i have no say for the future, but as we are in the present, the best we can do is make a decision and stick to the path the decision creates.” he shrugged and continued

“Hela, this what i am going to tell you and it is something i say almost everyday of our lives, no matter the decision you take, i will always stand by you. I know this is hard but i trust you will make a good choice because what you do is going to determine your happiness and that of the pack.

“Wow, i can’t belive my baby brother is all grown up and giving out free advices like this.” he smiled at my words. “I am glad i shared my troubles with you. I seriously don’t know what i will do without you.” hugging him seemed to be the only right thing to do to show how much i appreciated his words.

There and then i made up my mind and decided to do what i feel is best for me and the pack. “Okay that’s enough, let’s start heading home as i am quite famished. I can’t believe i left food to come find you.” his eye roll took me as i hunched back in fits of laughter.

I really wished happy moments like this but i guess fate has other plans because as we got, we were met with unfamiliar faces and a voice that stood greeted.

“Hello there, you must be Hela.”