Chapter 2: Unwanted

Rebel POV

It’s a rare day off for me. I’m so excited that I make myself some brisket sandwiches, with the leftover brisket I made earlier in the week. I like smoking my own meats, but my family thinks it’s not refined enough for their social status. Being a Beta’s daughter, I have a very healthy appetite. I train privately with my dad, so I’m strong. I’m not allowed to go to the training grounds, because my family is embarrassed of me. Even though I am strong and I can fight and defend myself, I don’t look the part. While other she-wolves are thin and beautiful, with soft curves and still muscular, I am chubby. At 5’9” and 180lbs, I’m not exactly fitting the mold. But that is okay with me. I like to work out, but I also like food. Both are essential, and while apparently, I don’t have the wolf gene that would keep me looking fit, I figure there is a reason why I am built this way, and no one has been smart enough to figure it out yet. 

Aside from how I look, the main reason I’m not allowed to go to the training grounds and train with everyone else, is because I’m my father’s dirty little secret. He is embarrassed that I am a love child. The illegitimate daughter of the former beta of the Ironclaw pack. His reputation takes precedence over the life of his first daughter. Of course, he doesn’t treat my half-sister Rachel that way. She got to go to school and make friends, learn alongside classmates, go to outings with the groups and all other things pups get to do when they are young. My father taught me to read, write, and basic math. He gave me books to read and told me to learn what I could from them.

In any event, I want to play my guitar and have a solo picnic today. Roxie, my wolf, needs to be let out. I don’t get to let her out often because my family want to keep up appearances. It’s sad really, but I don’t let it get me down. I just have to fake it, til I make it. I pack up the brisket sandwiches, a couple of salted caramel brownies, some strawberries, a few bottles of water into my backpack, and make my way to the woods. Roxie wants to go to the lake today and I agree with her. It’s a beautiful day, and sunlight, fresh air and good food sounds like a perfect afternoon for us both. 

“Damn right it is!” Roxie snickers. She loves our days off. We only get one day a month. Otherwise, we are cooking, cleaning and training. My stepmother, Jules, well, she doesn’t like me at all. Before my father Harris met his fated mate, he had been in a relationship with my mother. She died giving birth to me and my dad wasn’t about to abandon me, so he brought me home. When I was two years old, my dad met his fated mate, my stepmother. She wanted me gone, but my father said no and said he was responsible for me. Not that he loved me or wanted me. He was just responsible for me. Of course, then my dad and Jules had my half-sister, Rachel. Both my dad and Jules dote on Rachel. My dad felt a sense of responsibility for me but didn’t really want me. Jules took complete advantage of my dad’s feelings towards me. She said I was unwanted, but her mate was obligated to take care of me, so she was going to allow me to stay in the attic and I would have to help the omegas with cooking and cleaning. In addition to that, I had to attend to my sister Rachel and be at her beck and call. At 10 years old, my room was giving to my sister to use as a walk-in closet. My dad spent thousands of dollars to have a custom designed closet installed for her. My things were chucked in boxes and sent to the attic. Since then, the attic became my space.

My father called me his ward instead of his daughter if anyone ever saw me, so he didn’t have to acknowledge me or provide me with the same benefits or privileges that my sister received. Over the years, my sister regarded me as the help instead of her sister. Jules would always treat me like garbage. She would insult and belittle me. She always made it a point to try and make me feel unwanted. As a result, Rachel started treating me the same way. I used to pray to the moon goddess to take me away from here, but my prayers fell on deaf ears, so I adapted. I stayed out of Jules and Rachel’s way. I stayed hidden, since I was my family’s disgrace. I trained with my dad every morning in private so he wouldn’t be embarrassed to show his chubby, illegitimate and unwanted daughter in public. I appealed to my dad to have one day off a month to get rest and fresh air, and he conceded, much to my stepmother’s displeasure. I took my day of solitude every month and it has helped to keep me balanced and find peace to continue for another month of working from morning until the late evenings. 

So, here I am. At the lake, having lunch by myself, strumming my guitar, and enjoying my peace. ‘Rebel, I don’t think we are alone.’ Roxie said. She was fidgeting anxiously. ‘Do you sense danger Rox?’ I put my guitar down and start looking around and listening for any sounds. Suddenly, an amazing scent hits my nostrils. It smells like fresh cut grass and cedar. It’s a wonderful smell, and I turn around to see who the scent belongs to, and I see Alpha Cullen. Then Roxie says loudly, “MATE!” 

A smile plays on my lips. It’s the first time I have felt excited with anticipation. My fated mate! The moon goddess made Alpha Cullen my fated mate. I used to hear Rachel say how handsome is he and that he is kind to everyone. She has pictures of him in her room. I know she daydreams all the time about him. Rachel has been vying for his attention, but she doesn’t turn 18 years old until next week. Meanwhile, I’m 23 years old, and because I’m never allowed out and my only day off is usually spent in solitude, I have never found my mate. I don’t think the pictures do him justice. He is very attractive.

I read in an old book my father gave me and heard from the Omegas that have mates, that fated mates are the moon goddess’ will and that they are the other half of our souls. Our mates are supposed to complete the other’s life and complement each other. It’s supposed to be an unconditional love. I can believe it too. My father may not love or want me, but I have seen how he looks at Jules. It’s unconditional. When I was younger, I used to dream about having that kind of love. To be cherished, WANTED. I never thought I would be either, so imagine my surprise that Alpha Cullen turns out to be my mate.

I stepped forward, but realized quickly, he doesn’t look as excited as I am. In fact, he looks like a mix between disgusted and angry. ‘Roxie? Are you sure he is our mate? He doesn’t look happy to see us.’

‘Yes! He’s our mate! Go to him Rebel! I want our mate!’ she yipped. 

I move to walk towards him. Just as I take a step, he says, “Stop. This must be a mistake. I could never be mated to someone, like…you.” 

My hope and brief moment of excitement and anticipation just crash landed on rocky terrain. He isn't happy to be mated to us. He doesn’t want us. Roxie starts howling with sorrow. My eyes start to water. “Someone like me?” I ask. 

“Yes, I mean, look at you. No Alpha wants a Luna that looks like you to be their mate. You don’t look refined, your clothes are old, not to mention you are not attractive. Maybe if you lost weight, then you could be passable. The moon goddess made a mistake. There is no way I can accept you as my mate. What is your name?” He sneers. 

“Rebel Lawson” I reply. I know the rejection is coming. I’ve heard rejection is rare but painful. With my lips trembling and tears that sting my eyes, I brace for the impact that is coming. 

“Let’s get this over with, I have things to do. Just so you understand, I need a strong and BEAUTIFUL Luna by my side. I, Alpha Cullen Niles, of the Ironclaw Pack, reject you, Rebel Lawson, as my mate and Luna.” 

Instantly, my chest feels like it is ripped open and gutted. The pain is the worst I’ve ever felt. But I refuse to show pain in front of Alpha Cullen. I stay rigid and force my face not to react. Roxie is howling in desperation, because she wants her mate and he just rejected us, causing her immense pain too. The sooner I accept, the sooner we can move on. “I, Rebel Lawson, accept your rejection.” It was like a final death blow. I see Alpha Cullen grab his chest, taking deep breaths. Then after a couple of minutes he stood straight up. I still haven’t moved. Bearing all the pain until Roxie and I can be alone. “You will not mention this to anyone, do you understand?” As much pain as I was in, I couldn’t muster up the strength to say yes, so I just nodded. “Good, I can’t have people knowing I was mated to such a she-wolf.” With that, he turned and walked away. 

I turned and went back to the lake, sat down next to my guitar and then the barriers crumbled. I held on to my chest and cried for hours. Roxie feeling weak from the rejection, retreated to the back of my mind. She was still talking to me, but it was much quieter. I felt so incredibly alone. Fated mates were supposed to love each other, no matter what. He was supposed to protect, cherish and love me. However, I never felt more unwanted and alone.