LOGINDawn’s Point of View
“Damian?”
His name comes out small, and I hate myself for it. Hate myself for loving him like this.
“Shit. Dawn.” He pulls away from Bree, and I do not miss the smile that spreads across her face. Like she just won something.
Her green eyes spark with it, her perfectly shaped lips curling slowly and satisfied.
“I can explain,” he says, moving towards me.
I step back by instinct.
“Baby, just put her out of her misery and tell her the truth,” Bree says from behind him.
I blink hard. I can see the regret in his eyes, but regret is not enough. Not even close. He betrayed me.
“I’m sorry, Dawn,” he whispers. He drops his head, and when he raises it again, there is a flicker of pain in his expression.
He cannot even hold my gaze.
“Bree and I...”
“We are together,” Bree says, wrapping her arm around him.
I wait.
I stand there and wait for him to pull away, to tell her to stop, to say she is lying. He looks at her arm. Then he looks back at me.
He says nothing.
“You promised.” The words fall out of me, and so do the tears. That you would never go near her. That even if she were the last person on earth, he would rather mankind be extinct than get with her.
“I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you, I just...” he starts.
I turn on my heel. He lied to me. The one person who told me he would never betray me just did.
“Dawn!” he shouts.
I am already running.
“Let her go. I’m tired of hiding,” Bree calls after him.
He calls after me, but I don’t look back.
I keep waiting to hear his footsteps behind me because he is my best friend, and he always comes after me. He always does.
I glance over my shoulder. He is not there.
I collide with someone and quickly apologize, pushing towards the door, but the guy grabs the hood of my jumper and pulls me back hard. My throat hurts so badly, and I wince in pain.
“Come here, bitch! You just ruined my Jordans!”
I stumble before catching my balance. I blink back tears and turn to see whose shoes I just scuffed.
Shit. Connor.
As if this night needed anything else to make it worse for me.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Connor,” I say.
“Are you stupid?” he snarls. “Who shows up to a party looking like that?”
The room has already turned our way. I know better than to make this worse. Killian hates scenes at his parties, and if I blow this up, he will make the rest of the semester unbearable. We literally just started back.
“If you’re that sorry, lick the dirt off my shoe,” he says. Stretching his foot forward.
“Connor,” I whisper.
People are already murmuring. Some have their phones out, making videos of the scene unfolding between us.
“I heard you suck cocks with herpes. Quite sure a shoe is still better than that,” he says.
I flinch. That rumor has followed me since high school, all thanks to Bree. Another reason I hate her.
I look around the room, hoping for a single person willing to step in. There is no one. Not even my best friend.
“Connor, please. I can get them dry-cleaned. Just...”
“You can pay another way,” he laughs, grabbing himself.
The disgust that moves through me makes bile come up my throat. I would genuinely rather put my mouth on his shoe than anywhere near him.
“I’ll...” I start, letting the tears fall, and the room laughs with him.
‘Where are you, Damian?’ I beg silently, already knowing the answer.
I understand now why he kept bailing on me over the last four months. I was never a priority. It was Bree. He chose her over me.
“On your knees,” Connor orders.
I look between his shoes and his crotch. Neither is a choice I want to be making. I am not touching him.
“She’s actually doing it,” a girl breathes behind me.
I can feel every eye in the room. Not a day goes by without someone finding a new way to remind me that I do not belong here.
“What the fuck, Connor!” Damian’s voice is low and furious.
Connor shrugs. “She messed up my shoes. She pays.”
I scan the room without meaning to, and I find the eyes I was dreading before they find mine. He is leaning back, watching, taking a slow swig of his beer.
He doesn’t look angry, not even amused. Just bored, that means something is coming for me.
I already know.
“Shit happens at parties, Connor. Get a grip,” Damian says through his teeth, and then he hauls me out of the room, through the house, and onto the porch.
“What the hell, Dawn?” he snaps.
I yank my hand away. “Don’t touch me. Not with those hands.”
He exhales hard, dragging a hand through his hair as if this is the exhausting part of his evening. Like I am.
“Dawn, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, okay?”
“It’s not just that, Damian. It’s Bree. Or have you forgotten what she is?”
“Bree isn’t who you think she is once you actually know her...”
“I know her.” My voice rises before I can stop it. “I know exactly who she is. I know what she’s capable of, and I know what she did to me. Or have you forgotten that, too?”
“It was her friends, not her.”
“Because she told them to!” My throat aches from how loudly I scream.
He was there. He watched what they did to me. He saw all of it, and some days he would hold me when it was too much.
I stare at him, chest heaving. He does not look sorry.
“How could you be with someone like her?” I ask, and my voice cracks on the last word. Bree is the worst person I have ever been with. She’s like venom that slowly spreads before finally killing you.
He looks at the ground, then back at me. “I can’t choose which parts of her to love.”
I go still; I barely recognize my voice. “You love her?”
“Yes. And I just wish—”
“No,” I shake my head, more tears falling. “I don’t want to hear it. I want nothing to do with either of you.”
“Dawn, come on. That’s not fair.”
“It is perfectly fair. You chose the girl who stuffed used tampons in my mouth. Who made me crawl two hundred yards over a parking spot? Who has spent years making sure I hated the person I saw in the mirror.” I stop because I can’t take the weight of what she has made me go through. “You know what she took from me. You know all of it. And you still chose her.”
My voice drops to almost nothing. I hate that it does.
“Dawn...”
“We are done, Damian. Please don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”
I walk away without looking back and stand beside my car, tears sliding quietly down my face.
He chose her. He actually chose her.
I want to fall apart, but not here. I will make it back to my room first, then break down.
I get in the car, and my chest seizes. I try the breathing exercises my therapist taught me. They are not working. I reach into the glove compartment for my rubber band and find nothing.
I look up, eyes darting around. A group of guys passes on the street, cigarettes between their fingers. They will have a lighter. That is all I need.
I push the door open and step out because I need to feel something.
“Well, if it isn’t Damian’s little dog.”
Killian.
I shake my head. I do not have the energy for him right now. I change my mind about the lighter and turn back to my car. I parked far enough from the party that leaving should be easy.
I reach for the door handle. He slams it shut and grabs my arm.
“Not so fast, Dawn.”
Dawn’s Point of ViewBeing back on campus after over three weeks feels like something else entirely. But the second I get out of my car, Hazel, who, by the way, came by my house to drop notes for me five days ago and simply never stopped visiting, comes sprinting toward me."Baby D!" She wraps both arms around me, pulling me in tight, and I laugh softly, hugging her back just as hard."I missed you.""You were literally at my house yesterday, Hazel.""Doesn't mean I didn't miss you in the meantime." She grins, and I can't help but laugh as I finally pull back.She loops her arm through mine, and we start walking toward the lecture hall together. The second LJ spots me, she squeals loud enough to turn heads, dropping everything in her arms and sprinting straight for me.I hadn't told her I was coming back today; I wanted it to be a surprise, but she throws herself at me so hard I nearly stumble backward, and I hold on to her just as tight, both of us clinging to each other like it's be
Killian’s Point of View"What happened, Killian? Why did Dawn leave?" Devon asks, and I finally let it all come out.The first time I ever saw her, when her family moved into the neighborhood, how obsessed I got with her almost immediately, how I used to find excuses to follow her around the block just to catch a glimpse of her walking her dog.I tell them everything about Damian, about the recording, about driving to her mother's house that day, and finally, the two of us standing in that driveway while she ended it.By the time I finish, I'm shaking, tears streaming down my face without any real effort to stop them."Shit. I didn't know any of this was happening," Devon says quietly, but Andrea stays unusually silent. I already suspect he knows more than he's letting on, since he's been spending an awful lot of time with LJ lately, thinking nobody's noticed."If it's meant to be, you two will find your way back to each other," Connor says, and I lift my head, genuinely surprised, be
Killian’s Point of ViewNo. I can't believe she actually just broke up with me. I feel like I can't breathe. My chest feels like it's being crushed from the inside, and no amount of air is getting through.Tears roll down my face, and I want to scream. She came out there just to end it.I didn't know a heart could actually break like this. I thought that was just something people said.I stand outside her mother's house for what feels like an hour before I finally find the strength to move, climbing into my car on complete autopilot, driving home without really registering a single turn.When I get there, there's some kind of party already going, Devon arguing with Hazel about something over by the kitchen, but I'm still moving on autopilot, heading straight up to my room."Kill?" Andrea looks concerned, stepping toward me, but I just wave him off, grabbing the whiskey bottle off the nearest table and taking the stairs two at a time.I am going to drink myself to sleep if that's what
Dawn’s point of viewKillian's standing there, looking like he hasn't slept in days. Maybe he actually hasn't, because from what LJ's told me, he hasn't been playing well in the last two games either, missing chances he would've buried without thinking twice a month ago."Don't you think I deserved to know who actually saved me that night?" I ask him, and he lowers his head, unable to meet my eyes."For years I believed—""He loved you," he cuts in, and I shake my head, because someone who actually loves you would never do what Damian did. He had no problem doing exactly that."He never did, Kill.""Yes, he did, baby. Ever since you were kids, he's loved you, but—""But what? He slept with your girlfriend. Knowing I was always there.""I don't know, Dawn. He's got his reasons, whatever twisted version of them exists in his head. Damian's messed up in his own way, but one thing I know for certain is that he loves you."I laugh, humorless, shaking my head as I pull back, wrapping my arm
Killian’s Point of ViewI'm leaning against my car, hands shoved deep in my pockets, staring at the door that's stayed closed in front of me for days now. When I got here, her mother just told me, "Not today, Killian," and closed the door again.It's been like this since it happened: me showing up, trying to talk to her, getting ignored every single time. When LJ called me that first night, practically shouting into the phone asking where Dawn was, I knew immediately something had gone seriously wrong. That night I drove off from the arena and just drank myself into a stupor, barely remembering how I even got to bed.I woke up the next morning to LJ already yelling downstairs."Where's Dawn?" she demanded the second she saw me."I don't know, I never saw her after the game." I rubbed at my throbbing head. "What happened?""That's what I'm asking you!"“I don’t know, L. When was the last time you spoke to her?”“The day of the game. She came after you.” Then she went on to explain that
Dawn’s Point of View"LJ?" I ask, genuinely stunned, because I didn't think I'd see her today of all days. I walk into the foyer, and there she is, already smiling at me."Hey. Missed me?"I break down instantly, running straight into her arms, and she drops everything she's carrying just to catch me.She's crying too by the time we meet in the middle."I hate you," she whispers, holding on tight as if her life depends on it."I'm sorry, it's just—" I choke back a sob, unable to get the rest of the sentence out, and she just holds me through it.Once we finally stop crying, she pulls me away from the foyer, leading me upstairs to my room, still holding the box out like it's the whole point of her being here."You did all this?" I ask, staring down at the pastries, the little handwritten label on the flowers."I did." She sets the box on my bed, already popping the lid open like she can't wait for me to see it properly. "Wanted to come sooner, honestly, but I could not find that stupid
Dawn’s Point of View“I know some guys who would be interested in you, if you’re that desperate,” Bree offers pleasantly.“Bree—”“What, babe? I am genuinely tired of hearing her name. She was your friend, fine, people move on. You don’t owe her anything. You literally told me she was annoying.” He
Dawn’s Point of ViewI have cried. I have stared at the ceiling. I have told myself repeatedly that I need to go to class, and eventually I listen, forcing myself up and into the bathroom to put on enough makeup to bury the evidence under my eyes.Damian tried yesterday. He stayed outside my door f
Dawn’s Point of View“Let go of me, Killian.”He does not let go.I try to yank my arm free, but he pulls me closer instead, and I am forced to tilt my head back just to look at him.“Please, Kill. I didn’t...” I start, but he presses a single finger to my lips, and my heart does something it has n
Dawn's Point of ViewI have made plenty of bad decisions in my life. Getting wasted the night before an exam. Skipping class to get high because my best friend Damian asked me to. Poor choices, all of them, but ones with which I could live.Coming to this party, though, is the second-worst decision







