LOGINDawn’s Point of View
“Damian?”
His name comes out small, and I hate myself for it. Hate myself for loving him like this.
“Shit. Dawn.” He pulls away from Bree, and I do not miss the smile that spreads across her face. Like she just won something.
Her green eyes spark with it, her perfectly shaped lips curling slowly and satisfied.
“I can explain,” he says, moving towards me.
I step back by instinct.
“Baby, just put her out of her misery and tell her the truth,” Bree says from behind him.
I blink hard. I can see the regret in his eyes, but regret is not enough. Not even close. He betrayed me.
“I’m sorry, Dawn,” he whispers. He drops his head, and when he raises it again, there is a flicker of pain in his expression.
He cannot even hold my gaze.
“Bree and I...”
“We are together,” Bree says, wrapping her arm around him.
I wait.
I stand there and wait for him to pull away, to tell her to stop, to say she is lying. He looks at her arm. Then he looks back at me.
He says nothing.
“You promised.” The words fall out of me, and so do the tears. That you would never go near her. That even if she were the last person on earth, he would rather mankind be extinct than get with her.
“I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you, I just...” he starts.
I turn on my heel. He lied to me. The one person who told me he would never betray me just did.
“Dawn!” he shouts.
I am already running.
“Let her go. I’m tired of hiding,” Bree calls after him.
He calls after me, but I don’t look back.
I keep waiting to hear his footsteps behind me because he is my best friend, and he always comes after me. He always does.
I glance over my shoulder. He is not there.
I collide with someone and quickly apologize, pushing towards the door, but the guy grabs the hood of my jumper and pulls me back hard. My throat hurts so badly, and I wince in pain.
“Come here, bitch! You just ruined my Jordans!”
I stumble before catching my balance. I blink back tears and turn to see whose shoes I just scuffed.
Shit. Connor.
As if this night needed anything else to make it worse for me.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Connor,” I say.
“Are you stupid?” he snarls. “Who shows up to a party looking like that?”
The room has already turned our way. I know better than to make this worse. Killian hates scenes at his parties, and if I blow this up, he will make the rest of the semester unbearable. We literally just started back.
“If you’re that sorry, lick the dirt off my shoe,” he says. Stretching his foot forward.
“Connor,” I whisper.
People are already murmuring. Some have their phones out, making videos of the scene unfolding between us.
“I heard you suck cocks with herpes. Quite sure a shoe is still better than that,” he says.
I flinch. That rumor has followed me since high school, all thanks to Bree. Another reason I hate her.
I look around the room, hoping for a single person willing to step in. There is no one. Not even my best friend.
“Connor, please. I can get them dry-cleaned. Just...”
“You can pay another way,” he laughs, grabbing himself.
The disgust that moves through me makes bile come up my throat. I would genuinely rather put my mouth on his shoe than anywhere near him.
“I’ll...” I start, letting the tears fall, and the room laughs with him.
‘Where are you, Damian?’ I beg silently, already knowing the answer.
I understand now why he kept bailing on me over the last four months. I was never a priority. It was Bree. He chose her over me.
“On your knees,” Connor orders.
I look between his shoes and his crotch. Neither is a choice I want to be making. I am not touching him.
“She’s actually doing it,” a girl breathes behind me.
I can feel every eye in the room. Not a day goes by without someone finding a new way to remind me that I do not belong here.
“What the fuck, Connor!” Damian’s voice is low and furious.
Connor shrugs. “She messed up my shoes. She pays.”
I scan the room without meaning to, and I find the eyes I was dreading before they find mine. He is leaning back, watching, taking a slow swig of his beer.
He doesn’t look angry, not even amused. Just bored, that means something is coming for me.
I already know.
“Shit happens at parties, Connor. Get a grip,” Damian says through his teeth, and then he hauls me out of the room, through the house, and onto the porch.
“What the hell, Dawn?” he snaps.
I yank my hand away. “Don’t touch me. Not with those hands.”
He exhales hard, dragging a hand through his hair as if this is the exhausting part of his evening. Like I am.
“Dawn, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, okay?”
“It’s not just that, Damian. It’s Bree. Or have you forgotten what she is?”
“Bree isn’t who you think she is once you actually know her...”
“I know her.” My voice rises before I can stop it. “I know exactly who she is. I know what she’s capable of, and I know what she did to me. Or have you forgotten that, too?”
“It was her friends, not her.”
“Because she told them to!” My throat aches from how loudly I scream.
He was there. He watched what they did to me. He saw all of it, and some days he would hold me when it was too much.
I stare at him, chest heaving. He does not look sorry.
“How could you be with someone like her?” I ask, and my voice cracks on the last word. Bree is the worst person I have ever been with. She’s like venom that slowly spreads before finally killing you.
He looks at the ground, then back at me. “I can’t choose which parts of her to love.”
I go still; I barely recognize my voice. “You love her?”
“Yes. And I just wish—”
“No,” I shake my head, more tears falling. “I don’t want to hear it. I want nothing to do with either of you.”
“Dawn, come on. That’s not fair.”
“It is perfectly fair. You chose the girl who stuffed used tampons in my mouth. Who made me crawl two hundred yards over a parking spot? Who has spent years making sure I hated the person I saw in the mirror.” I stop because I can’t take the weight of what she has made me go through. “You know what she took from me. You know all of it. And you still chose her.”
My voice drops to almost nothing. I hate that it does.
“Dawn...”
“We are done, Damian. Please don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”
I walk away without looking back and stand beside my car, tears sliding quietly down my face.
He chose her. He actually chose her.
I want to fall apart, but not here. I will make it back to my room first, then break down.
I get in the car, and my chest seizes. I try the breathing exercises my therapist taught me. They are not working. I reach into the glove compartment for my rubber band and find nothing.
I look up, eyes darting around. A group of guys passes on the street, cigarettes between their fingers. They will have a lighter. That is all I need.
I push the door open and step out because I need to feel something.
“Well, if it isn’t Damian’s little dog.”
Killian.
I shake my head. I do not have the energy for him right now. I change my mind about the lighter and turn back to my car. I parked far enough from the party that leaving should be easy.
I reach for the door handle. He slams it shut and grabs my arm.
“Not so fast, Dawn.”
Dawn’s Point of View“I know some guys who would be interested in you, if you’re that desperate,” Bree offers pleasantly.“Bree—”“What, babe? I am genuinely tired of hearing her name. She was your friend, fine, people move on. You don’t owe her anything. You literally told me she was annoying.” Her voice rises.Damian says nothing. He does not deny it. He does not even try.She keeps talking about how exhausting I am, so I just turn around and walk away.He does not come after me this time either. I have lost my best friend.I keep moving, the ground feeling unsteady beneath me. Everything I did over these years, every choice, and every compromise I made with him somewhere in it. He was the constant. He was my safe place. And he was telling her I was annoying while I was out here building my entire world around him.“Dawny, wait!” he calls.I keep walking, tears burning behind my eyes, and I don’t think I know how to breathe anymore.“About what she said—”“Am I annoying?” I stop, tu
Dawn’s Point of ViewI have cried. I have stared at the ceiling. I have told myself repeatedly that I need to go to class, and eventually I listen, forcing myself up and into the bathroom to put on enough makeup to bury the evidence under my eyes.Damian tried yesterday. He stayed outside my door for an hour before he finally gave up. I could not open it. I cannot look at him right now without seeing everything he chose, and everything that choice says about how little I meant.He dated the girl who made my life hell. The girl who is the reason I cannot look at myself without flinching.I do not use the mirror. Whatever makeup ends up on my face is applied entirely from memory and instinct.I am dreading today. They will both be there, and I have no choice but to walk into the same room and act like I am fine.But I still do it. I get to school from my dorm, and once I push the car into park, my eyes dart around, making sure I don’t see him.I make my way out and am already heading to
Dawn’s Point of View“Let go of me, Killian.”He does not let go.I try to yank my arm free, but he pulls me closer instead, and I am forced to tilt my head back just to look at him.“Please, Kill. I didn’t...” I start, but he presses a single finger to my lips, and my heart does something it has no business doing.“I’m sorry, okay? I just need to...” my voice cracks. He leans in until I can feel the warmth of his breath against my ear.“I told you I would take him away from you.” He pauses, letting it sink in. “Look at you. No one left.”I close my eyes. My chest pulls tight like something is collapsing inside it. Did he do this?I make the mistake of lifting my head to look at him properly, and my lips accidentally brush against his.I go completely still, even as a chill goes down my spine.He is going to kill me.He closes his eyes. Draws in a slow breath. When he opens them again, his pupils have gone wide and dark.“Do that again,” he says.I open my mouth to say something, anyt
Dawn’s Point of View“Damian?”His name comes out small, and I hate myself for it. Hate myself for loving him like this.“Shit. Dawn.” He pulls away from Bree, and I do not miss the smile that spreads across her face. Like she just won something. Her green eyes spark with it, her perfectly shaped lips curling slowly and satisfied.“I can explain,” he says, moving towards me.I step back by instinct.“Baby, just put her out of her misery and tell her the truth,” Bree says from behind him.I blink hard. I can see the regret in his eyes, but regret is not enough. Not even close. He betrayed me.“I’m sorry, Dawn,” he whispers. He drops his head, and when he raises it again, there is a flicker of pain in his expression.He cannot even hold my gaze.“Bree and I...”“We are together,” Bree says, wrapping her arm around him.I wait. I stand there and wait for him to pull away, to tell her to stop, to say she is lying. He looks at her arm. Then he looks back at me.He says nothing.“You pro
Dawn's Point of ViewI have made plenty of bad decisions in my life. Getting wasted the night before an exam. Skipping class to get high because my best friend Damian asked me to. Poor choices, all of them, but ones with which I could live.Coming to this party, though, is the second-worst decision I have ever made. The first is the very reason I’m standing here in the first place.“I want you to take my virginity,” I tell my best friend.He chokes on his drink. His eyes go wide, blinking at me as if he misheard me.“Dawn.”“Not now, obviously. Just promise me you won’t let me turn twenty still a virgin,” I say, biting my lower lip. He stares at me like I just sprouted two horns.His eyes move slowly across my face. His lips part. He says nothing.“Dawn,” he whispers.I know Damian, though. He is my person. He won’t make fun of me or use this against me. I have heard that the first time hurts, and that is exactly why I want it to be with him. Someone who knows me. Someone who actually







