Easier Said

Update, two days later: I still can't stop thinking about Bram. Actually... my obsession with him is getting worse by the day.

By the hour.

Today when I walked into the conference room and saw him leaning over a table, telling some elaborate story to Savannah and the others with bright eyes—wearing a tight black shirt that shows off his big arms—I felt that stupid flutter again, except that it turned into a huge flutter. Like, a thrum.

And then, during the meeting, I focused on Bram the whole time. It was so bad, I completely lost my train of thought and had to end the meeting early.

I'm being completely ridiculous and this needs to stop.

That’s why as soon as I come back to my apartment, I get ready to do what I always do when I'm spiraling and I want to distract myself.

I open a new book, make some tea and read about a new fictional world where everything is easy, men aren’t evil psychopaths and there are no bad consequences to pursuing love.

But somewhere between chapter seven and eight, I let my mind go rogue for just a second. So it casts Bram Kent as the leading male. Protective, possessive and crazy with want.

I bet he'd be like that in real life too, except a lot more charming and talkative than this guy. And with a way better butt.

And…

➿➿➿➿➿

I blame the book.

It turned smutty out of goddamn nowhere, so it put ideas into my head. And it also made it impossible for me to put it down or for me to stop picturing Bram as the guy... and me as the girl.

So, when I fall asleep, the dream starts forming like a movie I'm too weak to turn off.

We're at the office, but it's empty. The lights in my office are low, the city glows through the windows, and there's electricity in the air when he walks inside. There’s sizzling chemistry between us. It’s scorching hot.

Bram is wearing his hockey outfit for some reason. No dumbass helmet, though. Just sweaty, messy golden hair.

"Here you are," he says, voice deep and sexy. He walks closer to me, "I've missed you, Annie."

"Me too," I respond, breathless already and just absorbing all of him before he gets to me and picks me up by the waist. He pushes all the shit on my desk off before dropping my ass there, then starts taking off his clothes right in front of me.

Fortunately, for the sake of this dream, I have seen what he looks like without his clothes on. There's a very popular video of his teammates stripping him down to his tight black boxers and shoving him to the ice as they all laugh and he struggles not to bust his ass there.

He’s more beefy than muscular, but still, a lot of him is solid muscle. He has very round pecs, tiny pink nips and marked abs, with just enough body hair leading south. But my favorite thing about him is his perfectly round butt and his thick thighs.

He looks like he could squat me… like three of me, actually.

I've watched that video like a thousand times trying to catch a glimpse of his bulge, but he has a big hand very firmly protecting the goods, so I didn't see anything.

Still, I have a great imagination and my mind can fill in the blanks. So when he finally strips all the way down, I just stare at him, hard and ready for me.

"I can't wait anymore, Sia, let me fuck you," he begs pathetically, just the way I like. I nod and allow him to take my clothes off.

Immediately, his eyes fall to my chest and the reaction is similar to the other guys I’ve been with.

He looks entranced and delighted by how big my tits are, but I don't let him waste too much time there. I need to know how it's like to be kissed by him before this dream is over.

I grab him by that full set of hair and force him closer to me until I get to taste those plump lips. I moan on them and suck on the fat bottom one before tasting him with my tongue.

Bram moves back from our kiss for a second just to stare at me, like he wants to keep me in his mind forever. One of his hands moves to grab me by the back of my neck and he caresses me under my ear with his thumb, as if he knows how sensitive I am there.

Then he comes back to give me another kiss, deeper and slower this time, licking me and making me squirm with need.

I can feel myself getting uncomfortably wet, so I roll my hips up, begging him to do something about it.

I need this so bad.

"I didn't know you were such a dirty fucking slut," he finally lets out, his voice turning ugly all of a sudden. His mouth turning hard and dry instead of soft and sweet. This isn't Bram anymore... this is Isaac all over again. My stomach drops in dread and I try to move back, but my ex grabs me by the hair and keeps me in place for a second, "He will never fucking like you, Anastasia."

I finally snap out of that dream with a gasp and sit up in my bed, shaking my whole body to get rid of the last bit.

What the fuck is Isaac doing in my dreams again? He just showed up to ruin it before it even got to the good part.

I catch my breath and force myself to get out of bed, even if it's about an hour earlier than usual. I don't want to give that motherfucker a chance to steal my happiness.

The happiness I get with this new, healthy and harmless crush.

Because Bram is nothing like Isaac (probably) (I mean, you never really know), but I’m almost sure.

And yeah, I know he'll never like me, but that's fine. At least now I know I'm not broken inside. This is proof that I CAN like men again. I just... have high standards now, apparently.

I don't allow my ex to stay in my mind for even one second longer, so instead of wallowing in the feelings of the end of the dream, I grab my favorite clit-sucker and bring it inside with me to the shower.

Now I can do something extremely unprofessional while picturing my employee.

To be honest, it doesn't take long. All I have to do is imagine Bram’s pink lips sucking on my clit.

I come embarrassingly fast with that image on my mind and afterwards, a wave of deep shame and guilt makes me rush with the rest of my shower.

When I’m done, I decide to cover that shame with my favorite 5XL hoodie, the one that goes down to the top of my knees and has a huge hood that covers my whole head.

I put it over some leggings and then head to the office like that, with my hair dripping wet, my huge hoodie covering my body and the hood covering my shameful face.

As I walk inside, I tell myself I won’t act insane about Bram Kent today… but then I see him in the lounge area, making himself something, which instantly makes the thrum in my heart come back.

And then I start walking straight to him.