CHAPTER 14

"Husband want Tink get club?" she asked. "Just in case?"

He ran his hand through her hair, then rubbed his thumb along one of her horns. She purred in delight, and leaned into his thigh.

"It should be fine," he told her with a smile, his hands automatically supporting her. "But maybe keep the swearing down until she gets to know you."

"Fucking bug-eater," Tink grumbled, then walked inside. "Tink no care what spider girl thinks."

Everyone had spread out in the living room. Tink joined Kisa on the couch with Jenny sitting between them, and Quetzalli held a food platter with one hand while using the other to stuff her face with pigs-in-a-blanket. Cecilia hovered by the window, a look of concern on her face.

Realizing that everyone had decided to stay and watch, he shooed them off while waving his hands. Tink grumbled as she stormed up the stairs with Kisa, and Cecilia simply vanished. Sofia grabbed Quetzalli's tray with a promise of more if she came to the kitchen, and the dragon followed her.

He didn't want Eulalie to feel like she was being put on trial, and was grateful when nobody complained. He did ask Beth and Dana to stay. Lily stood in the corner of the room because he knew better than to try to shoo her off, and he saw Jenny had tucked herself in a corner to watch. That, too, was also not a battle he was going to win, so let her stay.

When the toilet flushed, Mike wondered how Eulalie had managed to go to the bathroom. Did she have a human butt? Or maybe she peed like people do? These were stupid questions to wonder about his guest, but his mind was much happier pondering these things until she stepped back into the hallway.

It was the legs. Each one was black and glossy, and they rustled when she moved. He wondered if she could walk along the wall or even the ceiling, and if the plaster could sustain her weight. A cold chill went up his spine as she came out of the hallway. Once back in the living room, her whole body moved upward a foot now that she wasn't about to hit her head on the ceiling.

"That's so much better," Eulalie said, then looked at everyone. "I'm so sorry for showing up unannounced, I didn't have a choice."

"You should have called," Dana told her. "Or sent an email."

"I would have if I could." While Eulalie spoke, one of her legs lifted and stretched out. When it eventually settled back to the ground, another one lifted and went through the same routine. "But that was no longer an option."

"Apparently," Lily grumbled from her corner. "You fucking Fed-Ex'd yourself across the country."

"It wasn't technically Fed-Ex," she said, then assumed a weird squat that made it look like she was sitting. This put her at eye level with Mike, which gave him something to focus on other than her body. "But yes, I did cram myself in a box and mail myself here. An overachiever at the post office decided to be nice and put extra nails in the box, which meant I couldn't get out."

"What brings you here?" Mike asked, his voice squeaking a little.

"I don't know," Eulalie said, turning her focus on him. He could see his reflection in all the extra eyes on her forehead. "Wait, sorry, that came out wrong. I have good reasons for coming, but am unsure of the root cause. My sister and I disagree on the severity of the situation. As Caretaker, I believe that you may hold the key to solving our dilemma."

"That's my job." His voice was steady this time. "Tell me everything."

"Thank you." She crossed her hands across her belly. "To begin with, my father Darren passed away over the winter."

Lily let out a noise like a squeak and left the room. Mike found this to be an odd reaction, but kept his attention on Eulalie. Trying to figure out what was going on inside Lily's brain was a madman's game.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "Was he, uh, like you?" He looked at her legs again.

"No, he was human," she said with a wistful smile. "And he was wonderful. The only reason I bring it up is because it relates to why I am here. Everything that I'm about to tell you started shortly after his death. When he died, it was like a change had come over the forest. It seemed circumstantial at first, but a pattern started to emerge. My sister refused to see it, but my whole life is patterns, and she's just being stubborn."

"What do you mean by patterns?" asked Dana.

"There's a barrier around our home, much like your own," Eulalie said. "The former Caretaker Emily gave my mother permission to live there, where she would be safe from people hunting her. The magic that protects the place distracts and confuses anyone from entering who doesn't belong."

"We could use some of that here," Beth grumbled. "Maybe people would quit loitering in our yard."

"The magic isn't foolproof. Anyone determined can breach the barrier, or even just someone who gets really lost. My father used to patrol the boundary almost every day. He would occasionally find a lost hiker, or even a hunter who had tracked game into the area. Nothing too problematic."

"But after he died, no more patrols?" Mike asked.

Eulalie nodded. "For a time. My sister took them up, along with Uncle Foot. Sorry, Bigfoot."

"The actual Bigfoot?" Beth's eyes were shining with curiosity. "The real deal?"

"The one and only," Eulalie replied. "He also goes by Sasquatch, but don't call him a Yeti if you meet him. He's been living with my family since before I was born. It's why his sightings have been less frequent lately. Usually he would only leave to have meetings with other cryptids, or maybe he would get in a fight with my dad and leave to cool off."

"What the hell? What would your dad want to fight with Bigfoot about?" Beth was leaning forward so far that it looked like she may fall off her seat.

Eulalie chuckled. "One time, Bigfoot drank all of my dad's whiskey. It was a Special Reserve he had managed to pick up on one of his trips, but Uncle Foot felt like getting tanked and drained the entire bottle in less than an hour. While Uncle Foot was passed out drunk, my dad got pissed and shaved a reverse mohawk from his forehead down his back. When he woke him, Dad told him if he was going to be a giant, hairy ass then he should look like one."