Ten

It was from the hospital.

My perfect and careless Sunday had shattered with that one phone call.

It was horrifying how one moment was all it took to make my previous worries seem insignificant.

It was unbelievable.

Hiro-san had tried his best to remain calm while relaying the news to us. Well, mostly to me. There had been an accident. A pretty bad one too. A T-junction. Hikaru-nii’s car and a truck. Those were all the points of information that my brain could take in.

People on-site had reacted quickly. The two people in the car had been sent to the hospital immediately. The call was from a nurse there. Hikaru-nii had been conscious enough to convey to her that she needed to call me. By the time we had gotten to the hospital, the anxiety and fear had eaten me up alive for we had received no further information about it. Carrying a very confused Aki-chan, when we got there, the attending doctor informed us that Hikaru-nii had been taken in for an emergency operation but that he would be able to pull through.

Kaori-nee had been declared dead on arrival. In fact, she had died on the spot. It was too late by the time anyone could get to her. The passenger’s side of the car had taken the hit directly. There was no way that she could have survived… or so I was told.

I was allowed to see her only long enough to identify her. When I returned to Hiro-san who was looking after Aki-chan after that, I felt absolutely numb. Looking back on it, the whole experience was a huge haze of a lot of things happening altogether.

Kaori-nee had died and Hikaru-nii had undergone surgery for a head injury. I was standing in the God-forsaken hospital corridor outside Hikaru-nii’s door with his three-year-old daughter and best friend. How could I… How was I supposed to tell him? How was he going to take the news about Kaori-nee? How was I going to tell the precious daughter of theirs that her mother had died? How could… she have died? How could this have happened at all?

Because Aki-chan was constantly clinging to me, I remembered feeling the need to stay composed for her sake. She was incredibly perplexed and scared. A lot was happening around her and we were at a hospital and no one was telling her anything properly. Through all her questions, the only assurance she had gotten was my presence. While Hiro-san and I took care of the hospital proceedings, hers was the one hand that I could absolutely not let go of, for both our sakes. I was the one most likely to break down if I did let go.

They were my family. We were family.

Family. My people.

Hikaru-nii did not take it well. None of us had expected him to. He was already in bad shape because of the accident and I had wanted to delay telling him as much as possible simply because I could not bring myself to tell him but… what choice did I have when the first word he uttered on opening his eyes was her name?

He was in pain from the surgery and he cried despite it. Seeing her father cry, Aki-chan cried without even knowing whom they were crying for.

I couldn’t. I could not watch the scene but I could not look away either. For the sake of the innocent child who knew nothing and for my brother, I could not take my eyes off of them.

Hiro-san’s presence throughout the entire ordeal made a significant difference. It meant a lot to us. Even though I kept myself together as best as I could through it all, it was as though he was the only sane person around at times. I often found myself dazed or lost, especially immediately after seeing my brother as broken as he was. I had tried to stay by his side as much as I could have but there were occasions when he would drive even me out of his hospital room.

My brother had changed.

I had written it off as being an immediate result of the loss and the accident and I had convinced myself that he would overcome it eventually. He had Aki-chan to look after, after all. He had to collect himself for her sake.

“Kake-jii…” A quiet voice awoke me in the middle of the night. I had just managed to fall asleep after putting Aki-chan to bed and had not gone into deep sleep yet.

“Aki-chan?” I propped myself up on my elbow and strained my eyes to look at her.

She was crying.

“Aki-chan, are you okay?” I sat up and helped her onto the bed and into my arms. She hugged me and began crying all the more. “Did something happen? Can’t sleep?” I spoke as soothingly as I could and stoked her back and hair, holding her close.

“Un. I can’t sleep but…” She sniffed and hicked. “Otou-san… Otou-san can’t sleep either.”

Hikaru-nii? “Otou-san?”

She nodded. “He’s c-crying…” She seemed to shrink further into my arms at that. She must have gone looking for her father when she woke up but then came to me when she heard or saw him crying. "Why is Otou-san crying?"

My chest throbbed. It hurt. To think that that kind and previously happy brother of mine was up at this time of the night crying…

“It’s okay. You can sleep here tonight, Aki-chan. Sleep now.” I rocked back and forth a little, knowing that it had always worked to calm her down. “About your father… leave it to Kake-jii.”

“Mm.” She nodded and fell silent, only letting out small sobs in between. It wasn’t too long after that that I confirmed that she had slept off. Laying her gently on my bed and wiping her face carefully so as to not wake her up again, I slowly left my room and headed to my brother’s room. I could not even imagine what he might have been going through, sleeping in the same room, the same bed that he had once share with the only woman he had ever loved. I mean, I could feel the void all around the house myself. And this was only his second night at home after being discharged from the hospital.

I knocked on the shut door hesitantly. Just as Aki-chan had said, I could hear him crying on the other side. I had to take a moment to collect myself before speaking up. “Hikaru-nii, it’s me.”

No response. Just softer crying.

I clenched my fists in frustration. What could I possibly say to him at this point? What could I do?

“A-Are you okay?” Obviously not! “I’m… coming in.” I tried to open the door but it refused to budge.

Had he locked it?

“Hikaru-nii?” I knocked again. “Open up, please.”

A spell of silence followed. I couldn’t even hear the crying anymore. With each passing tick of the clock, it got harder for me to breathe.

“Nii-san?”

“I’m fine.” His voice came through, allowing me to breathe again. “Just… go back to sleep.”

“Aki-chan woke up and…” God, help me here! “Let me in, please.”

“Go to sleep.”

“I will, but first-”

“Kakeru.” He cut me off. His voice still came from deep within the room. He was nowhere close to the door. He… was not going to let me in. “Just take care of Aki for now.”

She needs you!

I couldn’t tell him that just then though. “O-Okay.” I had no choice but to retreat. “I’m…” I was beyond myself with worry. “I’m here if you… need me.”

We could… need each other.

I got no response. After standing there for a bit, I retreated to my room again. Aki-chan had not woken up. I climbed into bed and pulled her closer carefully, so as to not wake her up, and closed my eyes.

It took me a long time to fall asleep again.