Hope and Love, Hope in Love

I am a 29-year-old woman. Feeling lost, feeling broken since I was 20.

An accident ruined my life, my future, and my hope.

Someone I really loved left me because I am useless.

I have been useless for how many years… because of my paraplegia.

Now, I want to tell you the story that gave me hope… and love.

Let's start from when I was 21. A year after the accident.

--

“Hey, Blair.”

I looked behind to see Rex standing with a wide smile.

I smiled back. I steered my wheelchair towards him.

“What brings you here?” I asked.

He just shrugged, then kissed me on my cheek.

I looked at him awfully.

A kiss of an imp. I said to myself.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

I called my nurse to take me back to my room's balcony.

“You must go now. I'm not feeling well today.” I said when I still felt his presence.

“Is there something you want me to do, Miss?” My nurse asked when we were left alone.

I turned my gaze to her.

She smiled, as pure as the driven snow.

A smile of a whore. I smirked at my thought.

“There's none. Please leave me now. I'll call you when I need something… or when you need to explain something.” I told her off.

She bowed. Confused, then left quietly.

I sighed while reaching for an envelope behind the flower vase near me. I took a deep breath before I opened it.

I felt tears rolling down my face. It felt like something cold and sharp was stabbing my weak heart.

These were the pictures from my secretary, whom I asked to tail my boyfriend.

“Ma'am… are you sure you want to see these pictures? Your boyfriend… He's seeing … your nurse regularly.”

I thought I was brave enough to dig deeper, but I ended up being hurt so bad.

Rex and I had been in a relationship for 2 years. One year of our relationship was fun and it had been so memorable for us… or maybe… just for me. But when the accident took place, the next year became dull. He even forgot to greet me on my birthday. He only visited me when my nurse was on shift. That was when I realized something was definitely going on.

It was so hard to take. I believed that he was the best guy for me. I thought he would be the man who would marry me despite my condition.

I decided to break things up with Rex.

As for my nurse…

“Miss… I didn't mean to hurt you…” She said while crying.

“What?! Are you kidding me?” I shouted furiously.

“Is it… is it immoral to love? Am I that sinful just because I gave that man the things you couldn't give him? In a year of being your nurse, I understand what he's been through.”

I guided my wheelchair towards her direction, I tried to stand in front of her with all my will. I grasped a post shakingly to stand and to say this to her face:

“Whatever you say, it'll never change you being a whore.”

“You're not even married yet! You could find more men! You're still young.”

She had the audacity to say it.

I was starting to lose my balance… and my patience when I took a vase and …

… thud…

I lost balance and weakly fell in my wheelchair.

I heard steps from a group of people barging into my room.

“Ms. Blair, what happened?”

“She's breathing. Get the bed!”

“Did she do this?”

“Ms. Blair. Can you hear me? What did you do?”

“Follow my fingers with your eyes.”

“Ms. Blair is not responding.”

“How could she do this?”

I looked down and saw my hand with a broken vase on it. I couldn't feel pain, but there was blood. I gripped on it more… wanting to feel how painful it was, but I couldn't feel it.

Everything that happened turned me into a hopeless, useless monster who was unable to do anything because of her condition and because she was weak.

Weeks had passed and no one wanted to become my nurse. They were scared.

I remember two doctors talking while checking on me. They thought I was sleeping.

“Can't her secretary just look after her?”

“What are you talking about? She's still our patient and a VIP. We have to look after her.”

“But no one would want to do it! Can you blame them?”

“We can't blame her either. She was just out of her mind because of the accident. It must have been hard for her to lose both of her parents.”

I heard them both sighed.

Everyone thought I lost my mind. They never knew that I was hurt badly … that I was the victim.

They didn't even ask.

They didn't actually care.

Without realizing it, I was in tears again.

How could I get through this?