96. Forgive and Forget

A short chapter so i made it free, because it feels wrong charging so much for only 1300 words.

It's my youngest birthday, today. He's six.

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Raiden’s pov

“I’ve been hiding something from you.” I admitted to my little mouse.

When I had walked into the room today, she had quickly hid something in her closet. This had not been the first time this week.  

I had been busy helping dad, but I made sure to spend time with my mate. It helped Suzie was here because it meant there was another person looking out for Atalanta.

Unfortunately, Suzie was occupied with her training to become my beta. So my mouse was still alone a lot of the time. Mom spent some time teaching her some Luna stuff during the day; I made sure to train her every morning, and Suzie went on runs with Atalanta as well.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to be here all the time.

I couldn’t get rid of this nagging thought that my mate wasn’t okay. That she needed me.

There was something going on.

Yet she would not tell me what. And the longer she kept this to herself, the more my mind began to imagine different scenarios, and it was messing with my head.

“What do you mean?” Atalanta replied, sitting down on the bed.

I sat beside her and pulled her on my lap. I love having her scent near.

Maybe I messed up when we fucked in Zev’s bedroom. Maybe I had been too petty, and that’s why she was keeping things from me.

“Remember when you told me everything about your uncle and...”

Atalanta nodded, “yes.”

I sighed, trying to choose my words carefully. “I liked that you trusted me. It made me feel special. But lately I noticed you’ve been keeping some things to yourself.” I kissed the top of her head to make sure she knew I wasn’t angry. “It’s fine if you want to keep things private or if you feel like you need some time to process before you tell me. But "II turned Atalanta around so she could look at me. “this is not a you problem. I’m not blaming you. But… it’s made me a bit insecure. So, instead of getting frustrated or beating someone up during training, I figured I’d just ask.”

“Ask what?” she said, her eyes down.

“Is there something I’m doing wrong? Is there a reason you don’t feel like you can share things with me? Because if there is, I’d like to work on it.”

“No. You’re perfect.” Atalanta said, looking into my eyes. She looked so sad.

“Then why does it feel like I’m messing up? Am I being insecure for no reason?” I asked. “I know you should have had two mates, and I’m trying to fill that gap, but, -“

She took my face in her hands, “it’s not you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “And eventually you’ll tell me? Because I don't mind it if you keep things private, but if you're holding back because of something I'm doing, I need to know.”

“I will tell you. But, -“

See… there it is. But…

“But, what, little mouse?” I replied with a fake smirk. Something was wrong. I fucked up. Or someone did.

She was silent for a bit. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to Artemis or thinking to herself.

"Can I ask a favor?” She said after a while.

“Anything.”

“Will you read the letters Zev wrote me at Ardale? You only read my letters, but I want you to have the whole picture. I want you to know everything we've talked about,” Atalanta said.

Crap. It’s about Zev. This whole fucking thing is about Zev.

‘Calm down,’ Atlas said, but how? What was he doing now?

I didn’t trust the fucker, especially now that he kept hanging out with Beta Steve. I didn’t even recognize Zev anymore. He had always been on the right side of things. How could he choose to side with that asshole?

When he slipped into our bedroom, he claimed it wasn’t what I thought. That he was trying to help Atalanta. Well, he’s not helping her now! He's actively working against her. 

“Raiden?” Shit, Atalanta sounded scared. This wasn’t good.

I looked down to see my hands had shifted into claws, and I was pressing my nails into the matrass.

“Why?” I asked, breathing through the anger.

“Because there are new letters, but I want you to read the old ones first.” Atalanta looked at me with bravery I did not recognize.

I forced my claws to go back to normal and gently placed Atalanta off my lap. I needed to walk around. Do something, because I was on the verge of lashing out and saying something I didn't mean.

I can’t hurt my mate. In any way. Not with my words, my actions, or my touch. Not after everything.

But damn, did I feel anger, knowing Zev had been writing letters to my mate. Fucking love letters, probably. I guess my lesson didn’t work.

Perhaps I should beat him up again instead of having sex in his bed.

“Do you want him back?” I asked the question I did not want an answer to.

“I don’t know.” She replied truthfully.

No. No fucking way I am letting him back into our lives. “Can I read the new letters?”

“If you want.”

“Do you want me to read them?” I asked instead.

“No.”

“Why?!” Shit, it was getting harder and harder to contain my rage.

She flinched, and it reminded me of how she treated me when she first got here. She was scared of me.

“You think I would hurt you?”

She shook her head, “no. Not me.”

I growled, “he deserves it! You know why I get like this. It’s not for nothing.”

“I know,” she softly replied. “It’s because I don’t get angry.”

“No.” I replied, crouching down in front of the bed so we were on eye level. “Well, that's part of it. You don’t stick up for yourself. I can’t just forgive and forget.”

She stared at me with tears in her eyes, ‘I didn’t forget anything.”

Shit. I was fucking this up.

“I know.” I said, feeling my anger lessen. She still had nightmares, although not as frequently or severe as before.

“You wanted to kill him.”

I sighed, “yes. I will kill anyone who hurts you, little mouse. That’s a promise.”

She shook her head, “you can’t just go kill or beat up everyone who does or says something mean. It’s not good.”

What is that supposed to mean? I’m not some bloodthirsty psycho who goes around killing people at random. I’m trying to protect my mate; why can’t she see that?

I scoffed, “so, I’ll just won’t kill your uncle and all those hunters that hurt you? You can’t pick or choose, Atalanta. You want me to protect you or not? Because you can go ask Zev, but he won’t do shit. Look at what he did last time you needed him.”

“That’s not fair.”  Atalanta sat with her arms around her knees, crying softly.

I was messing everything up. This was supposed to be a calm conversation. A chance for Atalanta to tell me what was going on and for me to admit my insecurities. But instead I lost my cool.

“I need to go for a run, Atalanta, because if I continue talking to you, I’m only going to make things worse. I need a moment.” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. How did this conversation end up being about Zev again?!

“Okay,” I heard her sob softly.

“Don’t go see Zev. Please.” I asked, hoping this wouldn’t drive her into his arm. If that happened, I didn’t know if I could keep myself from hurting him again.

And this time I might not stop.