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| 32 | Illusion of Control
Last Updated:
2025-08-03 23:19:32
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I Am Mustafin | 33 | A Calculated Power Play
I'm speechless.The woman staring back at me in the mirror is a stranger. Classic acrylic white French tips make my hands unrecognizable, and the lovely fragrance behind my ears seems to overpower my natural scent entirely. Between the makeup highlighting my features and the beautiful baby blue dress hugging my waist, I almost forget who I am.Almost.The 1-inch scarred "X" on my chest is an indelible reminder of what I am.Nonetheless, I can't deny that I look beautiful. I felt uneasy when Efrem walked into my bedroom this morning, introducing the team that would transform me into this…vision.Miss Dorothy really outdid herself...It's a nice touch—the off-the-shoulder sleeves made of the same blue tulle and lace that cascades from the end of the floral lace bodice. There's a sense of rightness creeping into my chest, a feeling of belonging, as if I was born to wear this dress.The sound
I Am Mustafin | 32 | Illusion of Control
I rest my elbows on my knees, chin in hands, watching Isaak come through the front door with Bolt and Mayhem on leashes. From my perch atop the staircase, the main entrance hall seems a world away—a distance I'm grateful for.This is the first time I've seen the pair of pitbulls since the night I tried to escape through my bedroom window. And a question nags at me:Where do they keep them?I've yet to learn which is which, but in my mind, I've named the white one with beautiful hazel eyes Bolt, and the gray one with icy blue eyes Mayhem. It seems fitting.How can such beautiful animals be trained to be so dangerous?“Don't worry,” Tavin's voice echoes from behind me. “Efrem made sure they're familiar with your scent.”I turn my head, glancing up at him. He's leaning against the wall, arms crossed, legs casually crossed at the ankles.“They won't hurt you,” he reassures me, his expression softening.This is the first time he's spoken to me since that day—the day he and Matvey dragged m
I Am Mustafin | 31 | A Fragile Promise
For someone who feels shame as acutely as I do, this may very well be the worst thing that could have happened to me. I made a fool of myself, and now I can't bring myself to look Efrem in the eye.The events of that day, a month ago, play on an endless loop in my mind.Despite the devastation I felt after experiencing only the second panic attack in my life, I wasn't locked in a cell. Instead, Efrem carried me to my bedroom and locked it from the outside.But even if I'd had a choice, I doubt I would have left it.I didn't want to be seen. I didn't want to be spoken to.Tavin brought me three meals a day until my punishment ended and I was allowed out again. Then, even when I wanted to stay in my room, I had to go downstairs if I wanted to eat. Thankfully, I never ran into Efrem. I assumed he was too busy to leave his office—a small mercy I was grateful for.My anxiety has been at an all-time high, but the edibles in my nightstand rem
I Am Mustafin | 30 | Righteous Punishment
Thunder cracks overhead, a fitting backdrop to the storm warring inside me. I perch precariously on the balcony railing, my legs dangling over the edge. Raindrops cling to my skin like broken promises, each one a cold reminder of my reality.I am wrong.The thought echoes through my mind, a mantra of self-doubt and bitter realization.My assumptions about them weren’t unfair. They never deserved the benefit of the doubt.A humorless laugh escapes my lips, barely audible over the brewing storm.They haven't earned a damn thing...The wind whips around me, and for a moment, I let myself imagine it carrying me away. Somewhere far from here, far from all of this. Or maybe...Maybe if I was one of them this would make sense.“Alaki.”Efrem's voice cuts through my reverie, sending a shiver down my spine that has nothing to do with the cold. I take a shaky breath, unable to face him. I look down, contemplating what I dare not voice.You can't jump. You'll probably survive for the worst.“Why
I Am Mustafin | 29 | A Fine Line
My eyes flutter open as I inhale deeply, the comfort and warmth of the bed still embracing me. I shift to my back, turning to find the other side of the bed empty.He's gone?I sit up, briefly scanning the room before averting my gaze to the bottom of the closed bathroom door. The light is off. I'm almost disappointed, though I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting.Maybe a 'good morning' would've been nice.Swinging my feet over the edge of the bed, I lift myself from it, hearing my joints crack as I stretch. A soft sigh passes my lips as I reach for the bedsheets, taking a moment to make the bed neatly the way I found it when Efrem brought me here last night.With this, I take one last look over the bedroom and take my leave, shutting the door quietly behind me. While I wasn't sure what to expect when I woke up, I'm certain I was anticipating someone waiting for me in the hallway. However, to my surprise, there's no one here.Odd...As I walk down the hall, in the direction of my
I Am Mustafin | 28 | The Edge of Submission
I like to think I handle things fairly well. When you've lived a life like mine, you'd imagine few things could truly faze you. And while it's true that I've come to appreciate my ability to respond adequately under hostility, I don't think anything could've prepared me for what I learned tonight.With one arm bent under the pillow, I lay on my side over the bedsheets, watching the bathroom door as I wait for Efrem to emerge from the shower. The lingering effects of the drug keep my mind hazy, time seeming to pass in a blur.But I don’t want it to stop. I don't want to sleep. I don't want a clear head. I want to ride out the haze for as long as I can, because I'm afraid that when I finally do sober up, I won't have a choice but to confront the reality: I am here out of charity.The click of the doorknob jolts me from my thoughts. Efrem steps out, clad in a white tank top, and gray sweats. He glances at me briefly, moving nonchalantly to the dresser.“Can't sleep?” he asks, his voice l
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