I Forgot the Men Who Broke Me

By the time I got back from the hospital, the pressure behind my eyes was so bad the lights seemed to lean.

I did not even take off my coat before I called my mother.

She had found me only a few months earlier. She asked me to leave with her then, and I had refused. I told myself I was not ready. I told myself there were still things holding me here.

There were. Three of them.

Now I leaned against the entry table and said, “I’m ready. Find me the best neurosurgeon you can. I want the surgery as soon as possible.”

She went quiet.

Then she asked, “Do they know?”

I looked at my reflection in the dark glass of the front doors. “Don’t tell them.”

When she answered, her voice had gone very steady.

“All right. I’ll arrange everything. Once you get here, the rest is mine.”

I had just ended the call when I heard heels on the marble behind me.

“What needs to happen soon?”

I turned.

Viola stood in the doorway wearing my coat, my color, my place in the house as if none of it had ever belonged to anyone else. The three silver saint medals swung loosely from her hand.

For a second, I forgot to breathe.

I had knelt through a storm outside a mountain chapel to have those medals blessed for Luca, Matthias, and Enzo. They had once sworn they would never take them off.

Now they were in her hand.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

She smiled. “Luca didn’t tell you? I’m staying for a few days. He said I shouldn’t be alone.”

Then she came closer and lowered her voice.

“You’d be surprised how quickly people make room when they want to.”

My head was pounding. I lifted a hand to stop her from coming any nearer.

The moment I touched her shoulder, she threw herself backward. She hit the wardrobe hard enough to take the standing lamp down with her. Blood showed at her hairline almost immediately.

Then she screamed.

“Nerina! I just came to check on you. Even if you hate me, you didn’t have to do this.”

Footsteps thundered up the stairs.

Luca came in first. The second he saw the blood, he dropped beside her and shouted for the house doctor.

Matthias was right behind him, already calling the specialist on duty.

Enzo looked from the broken lamp to me, and his whole face changed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Viola was crying in Luca’s arms.

“It isn’t her fault,” she whispered. “She just doesn’t want me here.”

That was enough.

Enzo came toward me at once. “She came to see you, and you threw her into furniture?”

Matthias’s voice was quieter, but not kinder. “Did you really have to do this tonight? It’s her birthday.”

I looked at all three of them and knew, all at once, that whatever came out of my mouth next would make no difference.

They had already decided what they were looking at.

Then Viola made sure of it.

She slipped out of Luca’s hold and dropped to her knees in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I shouldn’t have let them celebrate my birthday. I shouldn’t have worn these. If you want me gone, I’ll go.”

She put both hands on the floor.

“You told me to crawl out like a dog. Fine. I will. Just please don’t fight because of me.”

Luca’s face went hard. Matthias looked at me with naked disappointment. Enzo looked like he wanted to tear the room apart.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came.

I could already see it in their eyes.

They were never going to believe me.