I Was Never One of Them

I hadn't grown up with them. The five of them had been friends since kindergarten. I didn't meet Joshua until college, and he was the one who introduced me to the group.For the first few years, I tried hard to fit in. They would laugh about stealing fruit from a teacher's yard when they were kids. Even when I had no clue what they were talking about, I laughed along.They had childhood nicknames for each other that only they understood, so I quietly saved them in my notes. I remembered everyone's birthdays, what they liked to eat, what they avoided, and all their little quirks.When we went out, I was always the first one there. When we traveled, I handled the transportation, booked the hotels, and planned everything.But no matter how hard I tried, whenever they started talking about the old days, I was on the outside again."You didn't know us back then. You wouldn't get it."Eventually, that turned into, "We don't need to tell her."They'd change restaurants at the last minu

I stood beside the bed as my fingers went cold. They had a group chat without me.I opened the chat history and scrolled all the way back. The first messages were from three months ago. Vera had posted a screenshot of the "couple challenge" game."Tara keeps saying she fits in with us, right? Let's see how many rounds she can take."Calvin replied almost immediately, "Make all her cards blank."Finn chimed in, "Make Joshua's and Vera's cards match. Start with holding hands, then hugging, then kissing. That should be fun."I kept scrolling.Joshua hadn't said anything at first. It was a long time before he finally replied, "Don't take it too far."For one ridiculous second, I thought he had actually tried to stop them. Then I saw his next message."Tara takes things too seriously. We still need her to handle the wedding, so don't push her so far that she actually leaves."Finn sent a laughing emoji. "Relax. She'd never leave you."Joshua replied, "True."That one word landed

Joshua opened the door and found the pullout couch empty. My suitcase was gone too.He froze for a moment, then grabbed his car keys without thinking. But Vera wrapped her arms around him from behind."Joshua, where are you going? Tara just wants you to chase after her. If you go after her now, she'll start threatening to leave every time she gets upset."Joshua hesitated.Whenever I cried, Vera said I was just trying to make him feel sorry for me. Whenever I got angry, she told Joshua not to give in. So after every argument, he waited for me to back down first.And now, he chose to do the same.He stood in the doorway for a long moment before finally setting the keys down. "You're right. Let her cool off for the night. She'll come back on her own tomorrow."The next morning, I still hadn't come back.Joshua noticed the wedding invitations had been deleted and finally called the wedding planner. "Send them to Tara again."The planner was quiet for a moment. "Mr. Renfrow, Ms. K

For the next week, Joshua checked every place he could think of. No one knew where I was.At first, his messages ordered me to come back. Then he started trying to explain."Tara, come back. I can apologize for the game. We can reschedule the wedding. That ring is not for Vera. Just come back. From now on, you'll be included every time we get together."Joshua stared at that last sentence for a long time before realizing how ridiculous it sounded.I had been there all along. They were the ones who had never really let me in. Only after I left did he finally offer me a place as if it were some kind of favor.I never replied.On the eighth day, Vera came over."Joshua, weren't we supposed to end up together? You liked me for years before Tara ever came along."Joshua looked at her. "So what? She's gone now."Vera's voice trembled. "We can start over. The five of us can go back to the way things were."Back before I came along, the five of them had been inseparable. No one had t

I had waited so long to hear those words. If Joshua had said those words sooner, I might have gone back.Maybe when they first started leaving me out, or when I first watched the five of them take a group photo without me. Maybe when I realized my birthday mattered less to him than Vera's tears.But now, I just said calmly, "I don't need you to change anymore. Who you love, who you choose, and who you stand with have nothing to do with me now."Joshua clenched the ring until it dug into his palm, just as it had once dug into mine."You really don't love me at all?"I was quiet for a moment. "I did."His eyes lit up.Then I added, "But those seven blank cards took a little more of it each time, until there was nothing left."Joshua didn't leave right away. He stayed in town for another two weeks.Every day, he came by while we were filming and helped carry equipment, brought water, and checked the vehicles. He did what I used to do, quietly taking care of all the things no one