Crying Behind the Greenhouse

I just ran. Like, really ran. My lungs were on fire and my legs were shaking like jelly and I couldn’t hear Zach yelling “Arabella!” anymore. I ended up all the way at the back of the huge estate, behind this super old greenhouse nobody ever goes in. The glass is cracked and filthy and there are weeds growing right through the floor. But it was quiet. Hidden. Perfect.

I flopped down against the wall and just… cried. Like ugly crying. Snot and everything.

I’m so stupid. Seriously so stupid. For like five minutes today I actually thought maybe Zach cared about me a tiny bit. His sorry sounded real. I let myself hope. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Then Penelope straight-up kissed him. Right there. And my whole stupid hope popped like a balloon. I’m nothing. Just the rejected girl he doesn’t want. The one who has to scrub floors and carry trays while his fancy friend gets to kiss him whenever she wants.

The mate bond was hurting my chest again. It’s like this invisible rope between us. I could feel him ….. angry, annoyed, and… something else. Something kinda soft and panicky. I tried to shut it off like normal wolves do, but I’ve only shifted once in my whole life. I don’t know how to block feelings yet. So I got hit with all of it. Him mad at Penelope. Him freaking out looking for me. Him…..

Then I heard footsteps.

“Go away,” I mumbled without looking.

“Nope.”

Zach. Obviously.

“I said GO AWAY!”

“And I said nope.” He came closer. I could see his super expensive shoes now. Probably worth more than my whole wardrobe.

“We gotta talk,” he said.

“About what? About your girlfriend kissing you? I saw it. Loud and clear. I know where I stand. I’m dirt.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could’ve fooled me!”

“Arabella. Look at me.”

“No.”

“Please?”

Ugh. His voice sounded all cracked and sad. I looked up even though I didn’t want to. He crouched down so we were eye-to-eye. His hair was a mess like he’d been yanking on it. His eyes were wild and red.

“I pushed her off,” he said really fast. “The second her mouth touched mine I shoved her back. You saw that, right?”

“After she already did it.”

“I can’t control what other people do! But I said no. Right away. I swear.”

“Then why do you even care if I’m upset?” The words just exploded out of me. “You rejected me first! You made it super clear I’m not good enough! So why chase me? Why are you here? Why does it matter if Penelope kisses you?”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Looked like he was trying to find words and couldn’t.

“I… don’t know,” he finally said. “I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I don’t know why the idea of you leaving with Simon makes me wanna smash stuff. I don’t know why seeing you cry feels like someone’s stabbing me. I rejected you. I’m not supposed to feel any of this anymore. But I do. And it’s awful.”

I went quiet. He sounded so… real.

“The bond never broke,” he said, voice all rough. “It’s supposed to snap when you reject someone. But ours is still here. I feel you every single day, Arabella. Your sad. Your mad. Your hurt. And knowing I caused most of it…..” He swallowed really hard. “It’s killing me. Like actually killing me.”

“Then why’d you do it?” My voice cracked. “If you knew it would feel like this, why reject me?”

“Because everyone I get close to dies. Or leaves. Or betrays me.” He said it like it was just a fact. “Mom and Dad died when I was nineteen. Weird stuff. Then Melissa ….. my first Luna. Dead six months after we bonded. Then Victoria. Gone in under a year. The whole pack whispers I’m cursed. That being with me is a death sentence. And maybe they’re right.”

“That’s not…..”

“When I saw you shift that night… you were so beautiful. The bond hit me like a truck. And all I could think was she’s gonna die too. If I let myself love her, she’ll die like the rest. So I pushed you away. Hard. I thought if I was mean enough the bond would break and you’d be safe from… whatever follows me.”

Tears were running down my face again. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah. We keep saying that.”

“No. Like a giant idiot. Because pushing me away didn’t save me! It just made everything worse! I’m still here. Still stuck to you. But now I’m also humiliated and heartbroken and getting slapped by your crazy friend while I clean your mansion like some fairy-tale servant!”

“I know.” He reached out really slow, like he thought I’d run. His hand touched my cheek. His thumb wiped my tears away. The bond got all warm and buzzy, like it was happy for once. “I know I screwed up. I hurt you so bad. Sorry isn’t big enough. But I’m sorry, Arabella. And I’m trying to fix it… without letting anything bad happen to you.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna be ‘safe’ if it means you keep treating me like I’m invisible,” I whispered. “Maybe I just want you to pick me. For real. Not push me away like I’m too weak to handle it.”

He stared at me. I could see the fight in his eyes. Wanting me. Scared of losing me. Scared of the curse. Scared of everything.

“What if I get you killed?” he said so quiet it hurt. “What if whatever got my parents and Melissa and Victoria comes for you next? I couldn’t… I couldn’t survive that, Arabella. Watching you die would break me forever.”

“What if nothing comes?” I put my hand over his, pressing it tighter against my face. “What if there isn’t even a curse? What if it’s just… bad luck? Or someone doing it on purpose? Did you ever actually check? Or did you just believe what people told you?”

His face changed. Like he just got slapped awake. “Isabella… my aunt. She’s the one who told me about the curse. Right after my parents died. She showed me old family stories. All the dead Lunas. She said if I ever found my true mate I had to reject her fast or she’d be dead in a year.”

“And you just… believed her?”