I'm a Flight Risk, Handle With Care

I had been an avoidant since I was little.

When Mom was pregnant with me, she spent all day glued to her phone watching fierce feminist live streams.

The streamer would scream at the top of her lungs, "Accept your losses, pay the bill, and walk away! That's the attitude of a powerhouse!"

Maybe the prenatal education worked a little too well.

Ever since I could remember, whenever I encountered uncomfortable people or situations, I never argued or made a fuss.

I just ran.

When I was eight, Mom forgot to pick me up from school.

While the other kids stood at the school gate crying and waiting for their parents, I strapped on my backpack, fished out six months' worth of saved allowance money, and bought a long-distance bus ticket.

By the time Mom tracked me down, it was already the wee hours of the next morning. She hugged me and cried so hard she could barely catch her breath, but I only said one thing.

"I won't wait for someone who won't show up."

After that, Mom showed up half an hour early at the school gate every single day for three years. Rain or shine, she was never late.

She always said I nearly scared her to death that day.

But I think the truly frightening thing was never that no one came for me. It was knowing no one was coming, yet still standing there like a fool, waiting.

Someone who could make it wouldn't keep me waiting. Someone who wouldn't show up wasn't worth waiting for.

In high school, my only best friend, Katie Howard, and I got put in different classes.

She posted a cheek-to-cheek selfie with her new deskmate with the caption, "First day of school. Hope we can get along, new deskmate!"

I liked it and commented, "Wishing you and your new bestie a long and happy friendship."

Then I blocked her and deleted her number.

Katie stormed into my classroom that very day, startling the teacher right in the middle of a lecture.

"She's not my new best friend! She just helped me move some books!"

She latched onto my desk and refused to leave, swearing in front of the whole class, "You're the only best friend I'm ever having. Block me again, and I'll cry at your classroom door every single day!"

She cried for two whole periods before I finally unblocked her.

Later, Katie asked me why I couldn't just ask her first.

I threw it right back at her. "If I wasn't your absolute first choice, why would I chase after you for answers?"

It wasn't that I didn't have feelings. It was precisely because I cared so much that I couldn't tolerate even the slightest hesitation.

If someone put me on their shortlist, I would cross myself right off it.

The people who loved me didn't need me to fight for their attention, and the people who didn't weren't worth fighting over.

A woman's reason for walking away had never been about finding someone better after she left. It was about knowing she could live a better life all by herself.

That was the ultimate confidence behind making a clean getaway.

On graduation day, Katie was terrified I'd run away again, so she stuck to me like glue all afternoon.

Halfway through the graduation party, she suddenly dragged me over to a man.

"Let me introduce you. This is my cousin, Jerome Howard."

She pointed back at me and gave him a solemn warning. "This is my one and only best friend for life. She has a great temper, and she's gorgeous, but she has this one flaw—if you don't make things right with her instantly, she vanishes."

Jerome was indeed handsome. Wearing a tailored designer suit, he glowed in the crowd.

Hearing that, he looked at me. Then he kept quiet for three whole seconds.

I scoffed inwardly. One second meant surprise; two seconds meant hesitation. If he hadn't spoken after three seconds, he simply wasn't interested.

I gave a nod to save him the awkwardness. "Got it. No hard feelings."

With that, I turned on my heel and walked away.

Katie blinked in shock and scrambled to chase after me. "What do you mean, 'got it'? He hasn't even said a single word yet!"

"Exactly—because he hasn't said a word." I pressed the elevator button, keeping my tone completely flat. "If he doesn't choose me without hesitation at first sight, I'm not interested in giving him a second look."

The elevator doors slid slowly open.

Just as I stepped inside, a soft chuckle drifted over from behind.

Right before the doors closed, I caught sight of Jerome standing outside, looking right at me with pure determination in his eyes.

"Interesting. I'm definitely going to win your best friend over."