Prologue

"It's him again."

Every time I enter the library, I always see him. He is always surrounded by tons of books, and I have no idea what he is doing.

I find myself constantly looking at him, and after seeing him every day, I have memorized every feature of his face. He has thick eyebrows, a pointed nose, a sharp jawline, and thin lips. His eyelashes are long, his face is clear with no trace of acne. He has brown hair, and I think he is around 5 feet and 8 inches tall. But the most attractive part of his body is his eyes. They are brown and exude nothing but calmness. I find myself attracted to him, even though I am a guy.

Perhaps he felt someone watching him because he lifts his face, and our eyes meet. We stare at each other for a few seconds, and then I realize something—I am caught! So I quickly stand up and walk outside the library.

"I wish he wouldn't remember my face, or he'll think that I am some kind of weirdo," I mutter to myself.

"Hey, Jesse!" someone calls me.

When I look back to see who it is, I see my best friend Matthew. He is running towards me, waving his hands. I wave back.

"Oh, hey Matt," I greet him.

"Did you see him again?" he immediately asks, teasing me as usual.

Geez, yes, I have already told him about this senior student that I always see in the library, and now this idiot is teasing me.

"And what if I did?" I ask him with an annoyed tone.

"Come on, Jesse! We're best friends, right? Spill the tea!" he insists, trying to pry information out of me.

"Shut up and let's go back to our classroom because we are already late!" I shout in his face and drag him inside our school building.

I lied when I said we are late; I just didn't want to tell him something that I might regret later.

As we walk, I can't help but think about that guy. I don't even know his name or his age. All I know is that he is a student who always has piles of books beside him.

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The day goes by quickly, and it's still the same. It's now afternoon, and I find myself back at the library. And, of course, he is there, always engrossed in his reading.

For anyone reading this, before you jump to any conclusions, let me explain. He is not the reason why I come to the library. I am here because I want peace of mind and to read, but it seems my reason for coming here has changed. All I want now is to see him.

I blush at my thoughts and, to push that idea out of my head, I stand up and go to a nearby bookshelf. I scan the shelf, and one book catches my eye—a novel, not an academic book. But the problem is, I can't reach it. It's placed too high, and there is no ladder nearby. I try standing on my tiptoes, thinking it might be enough, but darn it! I still can't reach it!

But then, I see a hand effortlessly grabbing the book. I turn to face him, or rather, not really look at him—I'm more focused on the book. He offers me the book in his hand, and I grab it, still avoiding eye contact.

"Thank you," I say, my eyes still averted.

Of course, I am shy, but since I hadn't heard anything from him, I looked up, and I instantly recognized him. I was utterly shocked because the person who reached for the book earlier was that guy—the guy I always watch, the one who always has piles of books on his desk. It was him, and I couldn't say a word. Maybe he noticed my awkwardness because he smiled at me, but I didn't return the smile. Who wouldn't be shocked? My crush just helped me. He patted my head, and I could feel the heat rushing to my face. I clutched the book tightly against my chest as my heart pounded erratically.

"Hey, if you don't mind, let's go there," he pointed to the desk he had previously been sitting at.

Then I realized something. He saw me. He saw me while I was attempting to reach the book! Oh, it was so embarrassing.

He started walking, and I followed him. He sat near the library window, and I sat across from him.

"That was a novel, right?" he asked, referring to the book.

"Yeah, I just... uh... this book caught my attention," I shyly said, still clutching the book.

"Do you love novels?" he asked, and I looked at him.

"Yeah, why? Are you interested in novels too?" I asked him in return.

"Yup! I do love reading novels!" he cheerfully stated. When I heard him say those words, my eyes immediately sparkled. I couldn't believe that among all the people I have known in my life, my crush is the one who shares the same taste as me.

"By the way, I'm Oliver," he smiled at me and extended his arm to shake hands.

I took it.

"I'm Jesse," I introduced myself.

"What an adorable name!" he said with a big smile on his face. I blushed because he praised my name. Damn it! My heart was fluttering.

We talked about novels, and I learned that we shared the same feelings about them. We both loved William Shakespeare and J.K. Rowling. We enjoyed the same genres. The only difference was that he didn't like to write, he was only interested in reading them, while I wanted to write one.

"Um, Oliver, can I ask you something?" I asked him.

"Yeah, sure," he answered.

"Well, I just want to know why you have piles of books on your desk," I said. Shit, did I sound weird?

"I just want to study more," was his simple answer.

Even though I was dissatisfied with his response, I let it go. I had no right to pry.

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Our days in the library were always like this, and he didn't complain. It was the only time I could spend with him. He was my senior, so our schedules didn't match. We chatted comfortably with each other, so it wasn't a problem.

Matthew teased and mocked me about it, always saying that the only reason I was always in the library was to see him. I really wanted to punch his face right now, but maybe he was half correct. Maybe I had fallen in love with Oliver.

I was now in my own apartment. Yes, I was living alone because my parents were living abroad. I had decided to be independent, but they still sent me an allowance, and they told me I shouldn't work while I was still in high school. My apartment wasn't that big, just enough for someone living alone.

I was relaxing on my sofa after cleaning up when my phone rang, and I saw it was my parents calling.

"Hello?" I answered the call

.

"Hello, Jesse? Son? How are you?" It was my mom.

"I'm doing great, Mom," I politely answered.

"How's school?" she asked.

"School is great, but tiring sometimes," I stated. I could hear her laugh.

"Son, your father and I talked about your transferring here," she said.

"Why, Mom? I'm fine here. You don't have to worry," I said.

"We know, son, that you wanted to live alone, but isn't it too early for that? Please think about it," my mom explained.

I didn't want to leave now, not when Oliver and I were communicating. So I just ended the call, went to bed, and tried to sleep.

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It was lunch break again, and I went to the library. It had become part of my daily routine, and I was glad it was fine with him. I walked straight to his favorite spot, and there he was, still reading so many books.

"Hey!" I greeted him and sat across from him.

"Hey!" he looked at me and smiled.

I grabbed one of the books from his desk and started reading it. It was a physics book, and I enjoyed reading it. I liked physics.

While engrossed in the book, I noticed the movement of his head. I looked up at him, and I was sure he was looking at something. I followed his gaze and saw a young lady standing near our place, reading a book.

I was confused by Oliver's actions, so I asked him, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," he briefly answered.

"And I like her," he said with a smile on his face.

My heart stopped working. I think I misheard, so I asked him again.

"Do you like her?" Even though my heart wasn't in good condition, I managed to ask him.

He only nodded. I was stunned, and I felt my own heart shatter like broken glass. I couldn't explain this feeling. I couldn't bear it anymore. He was looking at the girl with a big smile on his face.

"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom," I said aloud, just to cover my sadness.

I didn't wait for his answer. I just left the library. I wanted to run away from him and these damn feelings. Why was I so affected? Why did my heart hurt so much? What was this feeling? Why did it hurt so much when he only liked that girl? But, yes, she was a girl. Of course, he would be attracted to her because he liked girls. I was nothing but a guy who fell for another guy. I guess I should stop now. I thought I could confess my feelings to him, but it was all wasted now because of that sudden confession. But then, maybe it was for the best. I didn't have to confess my feelings for him and face rejection, but damn it! It still hurt.

I needed to talk to Matthew now. I went to the cafeteria, and when I reached it, I scanned the whole place, and there I saw Matthew with a bunch of people. I walked straight toward him.

"Can we talk?" I asked Matthew.

He turned to me, smiling, but it instantly faded when he noticed the sadness in my eyes. I dragged him to our school garden.

"What happened?" he asked me when we reached the garden.

"Don't worry, I just want to tell you something," I said with a serious tone.

I was glad that Matthew cared for me, but I felt guilty for making my best friend worried.

"My parents called me, and they want me to transfer to America," I explained.

"What!? I thought they were fine with you living alone here?"

 he said. I felt even more guilty now.

"Yeah, but that's my parents' decision, and I'm just a fifteen-year-old guy," I said with a low and sad tone of voice.

"But what about him?" Matthew asked.

I wanted to tell Matthew that he was the primary reason why I wanted to leave. My fifteen-year-old self couldn't bear these kinds of feelings. I was too childish and sometimes unreasonable. Sigh.

"He'll be fine. He doesn't have any concerns here, and I know he wouldn't be worried about me," I managed to say, even though I felt like my heart was being stabbed.

"Okay! I hope you'll be fine there," he said and hugged me.

I returned the hug and smiled, just to hide my unwanted feelings.

Fast-forward and I agreed with my parents. They sent me money to buy plane tickets, and I did so.

Now, I'm on the plane, watching the clouds outside the window. I'm thinking about what would have happened if I had confessed my feelings to him earlier before all this happened. What would his reaction have been? Maybe he would have been scared or disgusted because a guy had special feelings for him.

I sigh heavily, trying to let out the heavy feelings inside me. Love is blind anyway; you can't choose who you'll love. I guess that's the reason.

But... That's what I thought.