If I can’t Have You No One Will

Noah’s POV

“I’m gonna ask Clara to marry me.”

Those words. Those simple words destabilized my world, leaving me entirely frozen in shock. I thought it was a joke. I thought he was just bluffing, until he made me pick out the engagement ring myself. Now here I was, watching as people congratulated him, while he looked nothing short of the devastatingly handsome man I know, with a charming smile which earned the approval of everyone around him. I should be happy for him. I should be celebrating with him, but I can’t help but mourn the future I once imagined for myself. A future with him in it.

I know everything about Julian, down to the tiniest details. I know when he gives a false laugh. I know his comfort meal. I know his stress triggers which causes him to be overwhelmed, before he shuts down. Heck, we even have a body language telepathy—when we say or show something before a single word is being exchanged. I met him in high school, and since then, he became my anchor, my family and my confidant. We became inseparable, typically glued by the hips, and over the years, I fell in love with him slowly and quietly, but never confessed my feelings because I was afraid of losing our friendship. And also because I knew he was straight.

We’ve always supported each other, that’s why when he told me about this, all I could do was put on the biggest smile I could muster and pretend to be happy for him. Pathetic, I know. But right now, Clara’s the woman who gets to have a future with him, while I remain the friend who simply knows him best.

“Wow, look who we have here. Noah Flinch. In the flesh.” Mike’s voice floated through, teasing, as he approached me before resting his hand on my arm gently. “I thought you disappeared from the surface of the earth, since you’ve never attended any of the class reunions all these years.”

I chuckled a bit, while shaking my head. “Come on, Mike, you know Julian would have my head if I actually failed to attend his engagement party. And about the reunion, I’ve just never really had the time. Plus you know those ain’t really my thing. But since you brought it up, I’ll try to attend the next one.”

He laughed, as his hand gently stroked my arm. “Of course, darling, I haven’t forgotten how close you are with Julian. And about the reunion—” he paused, then leaned in and whispered, “Between you and I, I’ve never really been a fan of it anyway. They’re just low-key, a mandatory flex check where everyone pulls up to check out who secured the biggest bag and who’s just faking it till they make it.”

I laughed really loud, and he joined in, both our heads tilting backwards. As we kept talking about other things, I occasionally caught Julian staring at me. The look in his eyes wasn’t friendly or warm. It was the kind of look one has, when they see something they own, being taken by someone else. It lingered for a while, before eventually he forced his eyes back to the guests.

When it was time for dinner, I made my way back to my seat which was close to Julian.

“You shouldn’t have let Mike touch your arm like that. What if that ends up sending the wrong message to him?”

I chuckled in disbelief, turning my eyes to meet him. “The wrong message? Oh come on, Julian. Now you’re just being dramatic. We were just talking.”

“Talking, huh? That didn’t seem like just talking to me. Also, since when do you two talk? It’s not like you’re closer buddies or something.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “You don’t know everyone I talk to Julian, so no need to make a big deal out of this. Plus not everything in my life has to revolve around you either.” I concluded firmly, then brought the glass to my lips before taking a sip.

He didn’t say anything immediately. After a while, he leaned in carefully. “Are you okay though? You’ve been unusually quiet all evening, except for when you were talking to Mike of course.”

“I’m fine, Julian. It’s not like I’m not a chatterbox. I can’t be talking every damn time.”

He chuckled, leaning in closer, close enough that his warm breath brushed against my ear. “You’re my personal chatterbox, silly, and you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

I swallowed hard, hand tightening around the glass as I tried to ignore the heat rising in my body. “I’m letting you enjoy your engagement, Julian, as you should. Meanwhile, shouldn’t you be paying attention to your fiancée and not me?”

This time a sly grin played across his lips. “I should, but you’re also important to me. Also, since when do you ever let me enjoy anything?” He asked as his hand gently brushed against my thighs beneath the table. The gesture was brief, almost like nothing happened, but I stiffened and hated how my body reacted to his touch. Even more, I hated that he did that when Clara was seated right next to him.

Dinner kicked off and occasionally chatters floated around the table. Everyone wanted to know how exactly Julian and Clara met, their plans for the wedding, every damn thing.

“Can I have your attention please.” Julian said, clearing his throat as every head around the table turned to him. “I want to thank you all for making time out of your busy schedules to be here tonight. It really means a lot to me.”

Some nodded, some gave short answers, all while still paying rapt attention to him.

“Most importantly, I want to thank my best friend Noah for coming through for me, and for being here when I really needed him.” He said, turning to my direction, smiling. “He means alot to me, and that’s why I want to officially ask him to be my best man.”

My eyes snapped to meet his, as I froze in place. I wasn’t shocked that he mentioned this here, I was mostly shocked because I didn’t know exactly how I was going to pull this off without screwing it up. So all I could do was smile as he gave my shoulder a light squeeze.

“I totally expected this, Julian. I mean everyone knows you and Noah have practically been married to each other for years,” Mira, a friend of ours, joked, while laughing.

“Exactly my thought. These two have been inseparable since high school. Are you sure you’re okay with that, Clara?” Mike interrupted, glancing towards me before his eyes landed back at Clara.

Clara giggled, her fingers slipping between Julian’s. “Of course I am. They might have been inseparable since high school, but I’m the one he’s going to be spending the rest of his life with. I think if anyone should be worried, it should be Noah, not me. Right, Noah?” Clara asked, eyes sparkling as she leaned in to catch a glimpse of my face.

I chuckled, lowering my head. “Right, Clara. He’s gonna be yours anyway. So I guess it’s best I start keeping my distance now. Wouldn’t want to be the reason why you two end up having issues.” I teased, and the table erupted in laughter.

Julian doesn’t join in on the laugh. Instead he looked at me and for one uncomfortable second, something unreadable flashes across his face. Then he smiled and changed the subject.

After dinner, I excused myself and went to the restroom. When I came out, Julian walked in, his eyes pinned on me the entire time. I brushed past him and headed to the sink.

“Are you stalking me now?” I joked, as I brushed past him and headed to the sink.

He didn’t say anything. He simply locked the door, then closed the distance between us in one quick stride. Startled by the gesture, I took a few steps back, then stopped when my back hit the wall.

“Are you upset that I’m getting married to Clara?”