The morning after

Julian’s eyes on me never flinched, nor did it waver. Instead, he kept planting kisses on my neck, before moving to my collarbone. The heat of his mouth left a trail that made my pulse stutter.

“Uhn no—no he isn’t. Have you tried calling him? Maybe he stepped out or some—”

I gasped as the rest of the words died in my throat when his mouth found my earlobe. His hand quickly came over my mouth, muffling the rest of the sound, as he continued.

“Oh! I haven’t though. I’ll do that now. Sorry for disturbing you. Goodnight.”

“What are you doing, Julian? This is wrong.” I protested, after I heard her footsteps fade down the hallway.

He simply pulled back enough to look at me, then smirked, his eyes never leaving me. “If it’s so wrong, then why does it feel so right?”

He was right. It felt so right, even though I knew this was wrong. I mean, I had just lied about where he was to his fiancée, and I didn’t feel remorseful about it. But seeing him make the move first, left me confused, and I didn’t know what to make of this.

“That’s not the point, Julian. You know what I’m talking about. Your fiancée is out there looking for you, and you’re in here with me. I mean—what exactly does this mean? What do we—”

He smashed his lips into mine, shutting me up. “Enough talking.” He murmured against my mouth before his tongue slid into my mouth again, exploring every part of it carefully, and I didn’t object. Heck. I didn’t want him to stop. Not now. Not ever.

The room felt smaller somehow, the air thick with unspoken tensions. My hands found his shirt, gripping without permission, as I clung unto him like I was droning and he was the only thing keeping me afloat. The next morning, I woke up to him staring at the ceiling, obviously deep in thought.

“Hey!” I asked, smiling as I tried to reach for him. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I did.” He answered calmly, standing up as he reached for his shirt on the floor.

I nodded, running my hand through my hair. “So about last night—”

“Last night was a mistake.” He interrupted, turning to look at me. “A mistake that should never have happened. So it’s best we keep it that way and don’t talk about it. Ever.”

I sat up straighter immediately, wanting to be sure I heard him correctly. “Are you kidding me? You call that a mistake? Was it a mistake when you came into my room and kissed me like a man starving for it? Was it a mistake when your hands and lips were all over my body?” I demanded, as my voice rose.

“Keep your voice down, Noah.” He hushed immediately, eyes darting around. “Look, I’m sorry. I never should have done any of that. I just had too much to drink and wasn’t thinking straight. But I’ll appreciate it if you’ll just forget any of that ever happened. Please.”

I laughed in disbelief, my voice crackling as I stood up.

“So that’s it then? You’re just going to reduce last night to a fucking mistake. Really, Julian?”

“It’s not a big deal, Noah. Mistakes happen all the time. You just have to move past this one, and don’t read meaning into it. You’re my best friend and I can’t afford to have issues with you just because of something so trivial.”

I stared at him in shock, as the words refused to form in my head.

“I have to go now before Clara comes looking for me.” He added, then walked out the door like he hadn’t just shattered my heart into a million pieces all over again. I had thought perhaps this was a sign that he finally saw how I truly felt towards him, but I guess I was just being delusional. So I decided I was done. He made his choice which was Clara, and I’m going to move on from him. For real this time. That’s my own choice.

I left the hotel without telling him, and even when I got home, his words kept replaying in my head over and over again like a time loop. “This was a mistake that should never have happened.” All through that day, he didn’t reach out like he normally wouldn’t, and I didn’t either. I just laid in bed, tossing and turning restlessly for hours, until eventually I fell asleep.

The next morning, he casually sauntered into my apartment, like nothing happened. “Noah, I brought you breakfast.” His voice drifted through, cheerful and bubbly as always.

I walked out of the bedroom, straightening my shirt efficiently. “You didn’t have to. I could have gotten something later.” I replied flatly, avoiding his gaze although my stomach grumbled hungrily.

“I think your stomach disagrees. And we both know you forget to eat breakfast, especially if no one reminds you. So quit being stubborn and just eat already.” He concluded firmly, his voice leaving no room for arguments.

I managed a small smile, one that somehow slipped through even though it shouldn’t have. This was Julian. Attentive, caring, always remembering things, always noticing things others might miss, and he doesn’t hesitate to show up whenever I need him.

He turned to look at me, and for a while, they stayed on me. “Are you going somewhere?”

I pulled out the chair, already sitting down. “Yeah. I’m going to work. Isn’t that obvious?”

“I guess it is. Just surprised, since I know you don’t go to work early during the weekends.” He answered casually, pulling out the chair beside me.

“Yeah, I don’t. But I am because I have a very important meeting today.”

He frowned, brows furrowing slightly. “Hmmm. A meeting? You didn’t tell me about that.”

My hand froze on the coffee cup, eyes flickering to meet his as I snapped. “Does it matter, Julian? I don’t have to tell you everything.”

“You don’t need to snap at me, you know. I’m only asking because I know you’ve been struggling with a very difficult client lately. That’s all.”

I didn’t give him any response. I simply ate my food in silence. Although a part of me knew that response was partly genuine, and the other part knew that Julian doesn’t like being excluded from any part of my life.

I finished eating and went back to my room to continue getting ready for work. After a while, Julian walked in and reached to fix a loose button on my shirt. It wasn’t the first time he did something like this, but this time, I didn’t let him. Instead, I stepped back. His hand remained suspended in the air for a moment before he eventually spoke.

“What was that for?”

“It’s nothing. I can fix my own buttons.” I answered quickly, turning my back to him.

“Is this about last night? I thought we agreed that it was a mistake?” He asked, reaching for my hand.

I forced a smile, turning back to him. “Yes, we did. You made it absolutely clear that it was a mistake. I’m just respecting boundaries, that’s all. Especially since you’re now someone’s fiancée.”

His gaze on me sharpened, like it could burn a hole through my head if he stared hard enough. “Boundaries? What boundaries?”

Before I could respond, my phone buzzed on the bed. I freed myself from his grip before picking it up. It was a text from Eli.

“Hey! When are you gonna finally let me take you out on a date? I’m gonna keep asking until you say yes.”

I smiled, finger lingering over the keyboard as I thought about what to say. Eli was a guy I’ve been talking to for a while, and he’s been wanting to take me out on a date for as long as I can remember. The only problem was, I’ve been making excuses, always turning him down. Because I thought Julian would eventually come around. But after what happened last night, I decided to accept his proposal.

“I’m in. 7pm tonight. I’ll text you the details. See you.”

I sent it, and as I turned around, I noticed Julian had been staring at me all along. “Who was that on the phone? And why were you smiling?”