Desires

I scoffed, pinching the bridge of my nose before I met his eyes. “Of course not. Why will I be upset that you’re getting married to your fiancée Julian, come on. That makes no sense.” I answered, sounding as convincing as I could although deep down, I was struggling to concentrate especially as his face was just a few inches away from mine.

“If you ain’t upset about that, then why did you say that out there? Why did you talk about keeping your distance away from me?”

“Because it only makes sense that I do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we’re gonna stop being friends. All I’m saying is, that closeness between us… there’s just gonna be a limit to it.”

“Did I tell you I wanted that? Did I ever complain to you that it was gonna be a problem for me? So why would you go ahead and decide to throw away our years of friendship? Was that how little I mattered to you?”

He demanded fiercely, as he planted both his hands to the wall, caging me in.

“What are you talking about Julian? I never said anything about throwing away our friendship. Matter of fact, that’s never gonna happen. We’re still gonna be friends, the only difference is that we won’t be as close as we used to be. That’s all. Meanwhile this isn’t just about you. It’s also about me. You can’t keep expecting me to be available every time, while you’re building a future with Clara. It doesn’t make sense. I have to live my life too, and giving you some space is the first step towards doing that.” I shot back in frustration, before finally putting some distance between us.

His face twisted with different emotions, Hurt? Anger? I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that his jaw tightened before he ran a hand through his hair.

“Noah, you’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and simply because I’m getting married doesn’t mean things have to change between us. In fact I don’t want anything to ever change between us.”

“That’s the problem Julian.” I cut in quickly, pacing now like a caged animal“You think nothing’s ever going to change between us but it already has. You just haven't seen it yet. I suggest you start getting used to this, because that’s how it’s gonna be from here moving on.”

He held my gaze for a while, almost like he was looking for the right words to say, but I could see it from the way he looked at me that he was torn and conflicted.

Before he could respond, a knock sounded on the door, followed by multiple voices. “Is someone in there?” One voice said, as the door handle jiggled.

“Hey! Open up. There’s a long ass queue out here.”

Another voice said, knocking harder now.

I noticed the look on Julian’s face, it felt like he was scared of people seeing us alone together in here.

“I’ll go out first. Then after a few minutes, you’ll follow.”

He said, then walked to the sink and began splashing water on his face.

I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Why would I do that? This is a restroom and anyone can be in here. Plus it’s not like we were doing any—”

“Please Noah.” He interrupted, turning to face me now.

“Just do as I say.”

I know I should have objected vehemently. I know I should have ignored him, but I didn’t. Instead I sighed heavily, then somehow found myself walking back into one of the stalls, before locking the door. I heard the main door open, and footsteps followed as the people outside walked in. After a while, I stepped out, washed my hands again, and walked out.

The party was already in full swing by the time I got back out. It was now the after party. People were dancing, couples pairing up, none of that interested me, except for the man that just left me a few minutes ago. I eventually found him across the room, smiling widely as he slipped his hand around Clara’s waist, subtly pulling her closer to himself while they danced.

At that moment, I realized that the only thing I could do was to accept the fact that he belongs to someone else now. I forcefully looked away, deciding to have some fun myself. Although I wasn’t entirely sure of how I was gonna do that all by myself, and especially without Julian in the picture. I was about heading to get a drink, when my phone vibrated. It was a text from Julian.

“Don’t disappear on me tonight. I need you.”

As I stared at the message, something painful tugged at my chest. He was a few feet away from me, holding someone else’s hand and somehow I’m the one being asked not to leave. Fuck no! I’m not going to be reduced to just a lapdog, that has to wait for his every command.

I tossed my phone back into my pocket, and got a drink. One drink turned into two, two turned into a couple, and soon, I lost count of how many I’ve had. My legs began to feel wobbly, but I refused to stay put. Slowly my body started moving on its own, hands in the air, hips swaying, but all through, I would still find Julian’s eyes across the room, pinned on me. And that made heat rise inside of me.

Eventually after having enough, I left for my room and headed straight to the shower. As the cold water cascaded over my body, I hoped it would help with the bulge rising between my legs but it didn’t. This wasn’t the first time I was getting hard for Julian, and whenever it happened, I always jerked off to the thought of his mouth on me, taking me in fully, but right now, this particular bulge seemed to hurt more. Maybe it was because I knew my desires would never be met, or it was the realization that I’ve finally lost him to someone else.

After staying under the shower for a couple more minutes, I stepped out, changed into something casual and was about to retire for the night when a knock sounded in my door. Already tired and hungover, I thought about ignoring it, but when the knock came again, I decided to see who it was. I opened the door, and it was Julian. His hair was disheveled, a literal mess like he had run his hands through them countless times, his sleeves rolled up, revealing his toned arms, buttons left undone which revealed his chiseled arbs.

My breath caught in my throat immediately, as I gawked at him hungrily. The bulge in my pants began to rise again, then I forced my gaze away so he wouldn’t notice.

“Julian, what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to check in on you.” He answered casually, walking past me as he entered. “You seem pretty wasted earlier on. So I thought to make sure you’re okay before I go to bed.”

I scoffed, shutting the door as I walked back in. “Well as you can see, I’m good. So you don’t have to worry about anything.”

Without saying anything, he closed the distance between us, leaned in and kissed me.

“What the fuck, Julian? What are you doing?” I asked in shock, shoving him back really hard, but he didn’t flinch.

Instead he closed the space between us, before reaching for my jaw, tilting it upwards. “I’m simply doing what I should have done a long time ago.”

Then he kissed me again, this time more hungry, more feral, like he’s been starving for this all along. He pulled me closer, hands running through my hair while his tongue slid into my mouth.

I moaned softly, melting into his touch, while my hand slid to the back of his neck. His lips tasted better than I imagined, and trust me, I’ve imagined kissing Julian a million times over, and although it’s happening right now, it still feels surreal to me. As soon as my back hit the bed, he started planting kisses on my neck, making small moans and gasps escape me.

When he pulled back, his eyes were locked on mine, dark and predatory. “Do you want me to stop?”

Before I could respond, a knock came through the door, and I froze. I managed to keep my voice steady, as I asked who it was.

“It’s me. Clara. Is Julian in there?”