C6

A HEART BROKEN INTO A THOUSAND LITTLE PIECES

-Jay? -I cried out, feeling hopeful that maybe he could see me. His face was so close to mine that I could smell his perfume. I could feel him. How I missed the smell of him. I loved when he frowned, loved that confused look on his face. It made him look so good.

But this wasn't the case, I was getting distracted, Jay was looking at me...or through me.

-I'm not Sam," said a voice behind me. I tensed at that moment. I remained static in the same place.

What was she doing here?

-What are you doing here? -Jay sputtered, wiping away his tears.

-Your brother told me you were here," she replied.

Leah: Jay's ex-girlfriend.

I had had a lot of doubts about whether Jay was completely over Leah, they had broken up years ago but...us women are always thinking things. Jay had opened his heart to me and told me that he no longer had feelings for her.

However, I...

-Can I sit down? -Leah asks.

I stood up the moment I noticed Leah sitting down, so I stood next to Brandon, who until now had been watching the scene very cautiously and quietly.

-You already did.

-I'm so sorry about Sam.

-Don't be a hypocrite. -Or don't you remember the messages insulting her?

I do. Jay had told me that someone had sent her a message saying what kind of taste you have now. Yes, implying that she was ugly.

-Tell me at once what you are doing here, I want to be alone and you can't be in this place. This place is just Sam's and mine. I don't even know why you sit here. -Jay stood up and walked away.

It was about noon or so. Around this time Jay and I used to be here.

-Who is she? -Brandon asks me.

-Jay's ex-girlfriend," I say in a whisper.

The topic of ex-girlfriends made me very sad and very sad. But I trusted Jay.

-Jason," he says, standing up, "I just came to tell you that I'll be here for you since you don't answer my texts.

-If I don't answer them, it's for a reason.

And then I confirmed something, that she was sending him messages, was that always? Did they talk? Since when? All this time? I didn't know but my mind started to imagine not so nice scenarios about the two of them. That's what the mind does: it tortures.

-Jason, please, I'm here. Life goes on, you had fun with Sam for a while but now... we both know we're meant to be together," she takes his arm and rubs it.

Jay immediately pulls away.

-I wanted to be with Sam for the rest of my life," he adds. And my heart compressed for a moment, but I was also filled with sadness, knowing that I won't be anymore. And she is because she's trying to get back together with him and I... I couldn't stand it.

-Maybe we should go, Sam," Brandon says to me.

He wants to protect me from whatever happens, I know, but I won't, I'll be here until the end. Good or bad. Break my heart or not.

I trust Jay, please, I trust Jay.

She felt a lump in her throat, felt like she wanted to be alive to scream at them, at her most of all.

-But he's gone," she grabs his face, making him look at her.

I would say I stopped breathing for a moment but I wasn't even breathing, or? yes, I felt my heart break. If I do it... if he does it I'm never going to be able to see Jay ever again.

-I'll be here for you," Leah tells him.

Rage, that's what I feel.

-I miss Sam," Jay whispers softly.

And then it happens, Leah brings her face close and kisses him.

I can't see. I don't want to see. I run past Brandon giving him a little shove and I run, running away from whatever happened next. I run and run and run. I don't even notice where I'm going or where I'm passing. I just run without looking back, with the memory of Leah putting her lips on my boyfriend's lips. On the lips that I kissed. That she was the only one I kissed.

I'm devastated.

I feel like I've been killed twice.

I don't want this feeling.

Jay and I had many plans, I felt his love for me, I knew it was real. However he knew how to camouflage the feelings for Leah very well as he hid them very well with me. Maybe to protect me.

I tripped on a root, causing me to fall face first to the ground. It didn't hurt. Nothing could hurt me anymore. And I wondered if it was worth it then to want to be alive. Now Jay would be gone and that hurt like you have no idea. I loved him! He was my everything! And he does this to me.

I lay there, curled up in a ball in the roots of a huge tree, and I cried a lot.

-

-Sam! -Sam, wake up!

I opened my eyes as fast as I could, Brandon being the first thing I saw.

-Brandon," I sit on the floor as best I can.

-I've been looking all over for you," he says, "you need to know what....

-I don't want to know anything, Brandon, please. I don't want to," I made a pretense of wanting to cry but I held back. I wouldn't cry in front of a boy.

-But it's just...

-Please," I grabbed his face, making him look at me, making him notice the pain in my eyes.

I didn't want to know if Jay reciprocated Leah's kiss or if he followed it. I didn't want to torture myself anymore.

-It's okay, but we have to get out of here, it's not safe to be out at night, let alone in the woods," he says, helping me to my feet.

I had spent most of the afternoon whimpering in this place.

-I'm so sorry," he says.

-Don't say anything please, I just want to get home and lock myself up for a while. At least I can be sure that no one will come to bother me. I want to be alone for a while as I will be here for much longer.

I needed to get Jay out of my head. I needed to heal from this pain. I couldn't believe he had broken my heart like this when he said he wouldn't break it. All the promises...all the plans...it was all behind me, all ruined in a moment.

Brandon and I walked in silence, this time we met no one, no soul wandering around not knowing what to do. We didn't find Harold on the way back either.

-He must be at the beach," Brandon had said, "then I'll catch up with him there after I drop you off at your house. You don't have to go tomorrow, Sam.

I had forgotten that I had to help Brandon catch his fish. I couldn't let him down.

-I will go, I promise. You'll catch that fish or I'll stop calling myself Sam," I ruffled his hair.

   When we pulled up in front of my house I said goodbye to Brandon and told him I'd meet him at the beach tomorrow morning at six o'clock. Without fail. I didn't find Gertrudis outside so I was partly grateful. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be alone. Mom didn't even come home.

My house seemed so empty to me. That's how I felt too. Empty and broken.

I walked to my room, lay down on my bed and kept crying for Jay. For them. I cried because I loved Jay more than anyone in life, I believed he would never hurt me, and he did.

There in my room I cried inconsolably.

Once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love with a boy so intensely. Once upon a time there was a girl who had her heart broken very cruelly.