Chapter # 4

…I am burning endlessly in my misery. You threw me into that dark abyss so mercilessly. And this is caused by nothing but the fire of my love....

Evelyn POV:-

I look at my reflection in the mirror and in that reflection there's anything but me. An aristocratic woman with a cold heart torn into pieces stood there. 

A void girl with exhaust feelings. 

“Am I doing the right thing?” I whispered under my breath. 

What am I feeling right now is beyond anyone's understanding- even mine. I don't know what I am thinking or what I should be thinking. I just know that I saved lives by destroying my own. 

From outside, I looked like an exquisite lady with graceful and ravishing looks. But from inside, I feel like my fragmented heart is in a desolate place all alone in despair with no one to save it.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment to escape from my world and remembered the anguish I felt in all those years because of him.

***

I was 8 years old and was sitting in the hall and mother said, "Evelyn, Go get ready your uncle is coming for dinner."

"So?" I said monotonously, it's not even a new thing for me that uncle is coming for dinner.

"Fine stay here." Mother sighed and said that as she left for the kitchen.

Later, when I walked down the stairs for dinner I saw Adrian and Lawrence there. Adrian is 2 years older than me while Lawrence is 4 years older than me. 

When I looked at Adrian my heart began to beat so loudly as I felt butterflies in my stomach. I quickly ran to my room and wore my favorite Blue frock and combed my hair. 

“Hey Everyone…” 

I walked down and greeted everyone with a smile and in my usual decent manner. During dinner, just meaningless eye contact with him made my heart skip a beat.

Whenever I saw him, a sweet feeling of something inexplicable used to rush in my veins, I treasure those emotions with whom I grew up. 

A feeling of elation gushed through me whenever we met or I just caught a glimpse of him. With those immense feelings, I grew up. 

Watching him from afar and loving his one sight, desiring nothing but to talk and see him.

When I turned 19 I couldn't take it anymore and decided to confess to Adrian. I and Adrian were standing on the rooftop of his house.

"Adrian, listen, I have liked you ever since our childhood and I still do," I said with my eyes shut. 

My heart was beating so fast as it could leap out of my chest. An unpleasant feeling filled me when I opened my eyes. Adrian stared at me for a second and sighed.

"Look, Evelyn. I don't feel the same for you. You're just like a family." I nodded while my heart was being frayed, I passed him a faint smile.

"I understand." I said as I left. 

Okay, I understand that he doesn't like me but at least he should think about it. He broke my years of fondness in mere seconds but I can't blame him if he doesn't feel the same.

I cried to myself all night that day. After a few days of it, I tried to talk to Adrian again but the way he talked to me. 

I realized that I am an idiot to fall for someone like him and from that moment I swear to myself that I'll show him that I am happy without him and I don't even need him. 

“Forget it, Evelyn. Forget it.” 

I will try my best to neglect him and in accomplishing that task I spent countless nights- crying to myself. 

Even if I show to the world that I am happy; I am not.

I am weak and a coward who wants to run away from reality. That's why at night when I am alone I let out my feelings. 

After it I tried a lot to talk to him about it, trying to sort things out, even 'beg' for a chance but he never took pity. I was willing to do anything but he didn't, breaking my building emotions terribly.

And now I am 22, three years ever since then. And from that moment I am trying my best to remove those feelings, the emotions which made me to be a slave of my vulnerability. 

Wanting to move on from him and forget the stain of desperation but couldn't...

***

I opened my eyes slowly as I felt someone's hand on my head. I saw my mother with a smile.

"I am so proud of you." She said, She then kissed my forehead and began to say;

"Evelyn, I know this marriage is too sudden and you are not even ready but, remember one thing my child, you are going to be his wife and from now on he is your everything.” She explained the most obvious part.

“You have to take care of him and respect him.” She guided.

“I know.” I nodded weakly.

“Lawrence is a great man. I am sure that he'll prove himself to be an embodiment of a husband." 

I just closed my eyes due to the dread building up inside of me. How can I love Lawrence? 

How are we going to work it out?

"And you are looking so beautiful in that dress." Mother complimented.

"Indeed she is." Aunt Kyla joins the conversation too. I looked at her as she passed me a sad smile and said.

"We all are truly thankful to you. But my love, you don't have to do it just for us."

 I passed her a faint smile and said, "You have called me your daughter and I can do it for you at least." 

She also kissed my forehead, "And we will treat you like our daughter." 

I simply looked down and saw my reflection in the mirror for the last time.

I wore a silver gown embroidered with pure silver. It is a sleeveless gown. I wore a heavy matching necklace with it. It was a lavishing gown. 

It's a tradition of the Bayford family that has passed down for generations that the bride of the first son will wear this dress. 

I never thought I would wear this. The traditional Dress of the Bayford family all along with that traditional jewelry. 

I looked exceptionally charming in that. Looking at myself, I can easily tell that I am looking irresistible. 

And with those beguiling looks and an enervated heart filled with dismal. I walked towards those gates of misery and despair.

I stood outside the hall with my father. He kissed my hands and said.

"You are looking so beautiful just like your mother looked at our wedding." 

I looked at my father with wide eyes. He never said anything like that before. 

Mother blushed and looked away as I smiled at them. Father then gave me a side hug.

"I am so grateful to you Evelyn." I hugged father back and passed him one of my rare smiles. Mother gave me a bouquet of roses.

I looked down as mother put the veil over my face. My eyes which were void of every emotion didn't even lift themselves.

I slowly walked in and all eyes fell upon me. My throat dried. My legs lost their strength as I feel like I'm gonna fall anytime. My heart began to thump very loudly for I don't know what for. 

“Calm down, calm down.” I let out shallow breaths and my hands turned ice cold. My walk towards the altar was slow but to be honest, I didn't even want it to end. I am scared as hell. 

I lifted my gaze a little and my eyes met with the last person I wanted to see. Adrian. 

He gave me a sympathetic look and turned his head away. That moment I felt a raging fire in my heart- for the first time.

I gulped for the last time as my grip on my father's arm tightened. I want to run far away or at least make it a dream. Like something like that never happened.

We reached the altar and no matter how much I don't want to let go of my father's arm, I still let it go. 

I know that if I refused, my father would never force me to marry but I can't say no to him, At least not when he is begging me.

I took a final deep breath and put my hand over Lawrence as he offered me to take his hand. Lawrence's eyes flicker with an intense look filled with guilt and sadness. He is also suffering. 

My eyes met him for a brief moment and at that moment I can see that he's also falling apart like me; just distinctively. But there was something else present there in his eyes too. 

It's almost like he is crumbling because... ‘I am falling apart?’