Draco

The walk to her home was brief. On it we discussed some of our favorite things that we had read. When she told me that she had never read an actually book but only pieces of parchment given to her by her father, I had to give her a look of incredulity. Most of the people in my village bought books so often that I had never known there were those who could not afford it.

  After finding this out I was curious to know more about the differences of our villages that were only separated by a hill. So, I asked.

 

  "What would you say is a different custom that happens in your village from what you observed today."

 

  As she pondered the question she explained "Well, I found it odd today that I didn't see those at the celebration offering an embrace or even anyone holding hands. We see affection so often here that I thought it was normal."

 

  At this I had to laugh. In my mind I could not fathom the image of others walking around in our village doing public displays of affection.

 

  "So, in your village it is common for people to touch those who are not their spouse in public" I asked.

 

  "Yes, it is something that happens quite often. You will even see some friends embrace each other with a hug or a husband greet his wives or children with a kiss upon the head." She stated as fact.

 

  As we reached her home. I almost reached for her, but I had to hesitate. The thought of being able to touch her soft pale skin brought a hunger to the pit of my stomach I did not quite understand. She said she found it odd to not have seen anyone touch at the celebration but all day I have wanted nothing more than to lay a hand on her skin.

 

  I had caught myself earlier on our walk through the celebration because by instinct I had almost laid a hand upon her lower back. Something in me feels the need to hold her and keep her safe. To make sure that no silky tress of her hair is harmed. As I wait expectantly for her to turn and walk into her hut, I feel the need to show her some token of my affection. So, I lean forward thinking about kissing her on the lips. When I recall all the innocence, she has shown today I decide to place a kiss on the soft skin of her cheek instead.

 

  "Would it be all right if I met you here in two days' time so that I might see you again, Io" I suggest. I need to see her again but a part of me thinks she may be unsure if she wants to. As I pull back my face from hers, I clasp my arms in front of me to wait for her rejection. I see the red color of a deep blush rise to her face as she nods. I feel my face break into a full smile at the plan to see her again. I feel the need to embrace her, but I settle for kissing her other cheek.

  I find it a wonder that a touch so simple has caused the slow burn in my belly to flare to a dim fire. As I take a step away to gain back some of my control, I clear my throat to toss out a reminder. "My studies end around midday so I would make my way here soon thereafter"

 

  "I will see you then, Draco. In two days' time after midday" she agrees nervously.

 

  As I take another step away, I see her twiddle her thumbs. There is only a ray of sun left in the evening sky and I would not want her to get in trouble. I know I must take my leave even though I want nothing more than to stay. So, I force myself to begin to take more steps back. Good night, Io" I breathe. And as I watch her walk into her hut, I turn to begin my journey home.

 

  As I take in the calm of the night air, I embrace this new feeling in my chest. It is warm and full of excitement, yet it brings me a peace that I have not felt. I know this feeling has something to do with Io. As I see my home in the distance, I cannot help but to think about how long the next two days are going to be. I wonder what I can find out next about her. I wonder if the way I feel in this moment will remain.

 

  When I enter the gate to my home the night seems too quiet. I feel as if the air has gone cold and the darkness in the corners has crept closer. There is not a single soul in the garden where my mother grows her herbs. The stream from the flow of the fountain is all I can hear in my ears. Naught a servant is visible to my eyes which is a bit odd. There is usually always someone milling about. To many the garden with its wonderful aroma of ginseng and ginger would see a thing of great beauty. However, that would be those who do not know what goes on behind the walls of my father's estate with his many partners.

 

  As I walk into the front door of my mother's section of the home where I reside, I noticed that everything is dark except for a light from candles in the room we dine in. When I try to sneak past my father shouts my name and my feet come to a quick stop. It is an absolute law in this house that what the general says must be followed or you will receive a general's punishment. I learned this long ago. Dejected, I walk into the dining room to see my father sitting at the table with a pipe in his mouth and as my mother sits closely by his side.

 

  This is how they always were. My father had features that were an older image of mine. The only way that we differed was by the crow's feet in the corner of his eyes and the lines of grey that have begun showing at his hair line after forty-one years of life. My mother was a woman of beauty to all in her perfection. She was a woman of small stature with long black hair that nearly touched her waist. She had a picturesque face with big brown eyes and soft pink lips. Even with all her beauty she soaked up all the affection she could receive from the man I knew never noticed except on the day of the week which he granted her his time. As I stand there watching them, he shrugs my mother off his side and leans forward with his arms on the table.

 

  "Due to your insubordination, we have come to a decision on your behalf" I felt my lips twitch wanting to tell him that I know my mother had decided nothing as he has never taken the input from the women who were not his wife. "To make sure that someday as my first born you will be ready to take over your birth right, it has been decided that you need more responsibility. In three days, time we will travel the half days journey to the village beyond the mountains where you will meet your future bride and family for the first time" I couldn't stop my mouth from gaping open and shut like a fish without air because I couldn't believe what he was saying. It was like the path from my brain to my mouth all but disappeared leaving the word bride on repeat in my head. "Your wedding will take place the week after your studies end in forty-one days. Congratulations my er zi(son)."

 

  When he congratulated me, I felt something snap together inside me. This was not something I wanted. He could not just say congratulations as if his decree was a gift. "I do not agree to this arrangement ba (father). I wish to find my own bride in my own time. Despite the times that I have fallen ill I have only ever missed this one day of my studies...." I pause in my refusal as he raises a hand into the air signaling for silence. Inside I fume at the unfinished speech that runs through my mind even though I was interrupted. His face has turned red in anger as if he cannot believe I have the audacity to deny his will.

 

  "This is a matter that is not up for discussion. You will be happy in this arranged marriage as I am happy with my wife" I hear my mother huff next to his side at the mention of one of his other women in her presence. He flicks his eyes to give her a look that has her bowing her head down in contrition. "While I was not at first, I was able to find happiness in other ways as you will someday too. Love is not always needed in marriage, but we must have heirs to continue the lineage" he finishes.

 

  As he rises from his seat, he gives my mother a look that has her chasing after him as he leaves the room. I stand and wait as I have been taught to do and finally take my departure when he is no longer in the room. I rush up the stairs to my room and sit on the edge of my kang (mattress) and put my head into my lap. My anger is so strong that it feels as if my blood boils. I should never have left my studies against his will and gone to Hanami. I kick off my geta and scoot further back on my kang. I fall onto my back and look up at the tapestries that depict the hills at the edge of our village. Looking at the image brings a sharp pain to my chest at the thought of where those hills could take me.

 

  I slowly realize that I will have to end things with Io before we have had the chance to begin. My eyes mist and I am forced to take a few deep breaths to clear them. I do not want this. I would love to go back to the warm feeling I got after spending time with her. As I think about it, I no longer truly regret going to the celebration. I can have a friend in Io for happy memories to think of in my times of misery. I know that there is no hope in refusing my baba. What the general wills, he gets. Still looking at the hills my mind wonders back to her, and I picture her innocent beauty in my mind to try and calm myself.

 

  After whom knows how much time passes of me laying in that position staring at the ceiling, the tapestry that closes my room off from the hall opens. I look and it is my ma coming into the room. In my condition I do not even try to move. She takes a seat on the edge of my kang and leans over to look directly into my eyes before she begins to speak.

  "Do not fret in despair my er zi. An arranged marriage is not as bad as it may seem. It can be a gift of love too. Your ba just wants what is best for you. Having a wife and family ensures that your line continues. Would that really be so bad?" She said.

 

  "Ma, I want to fall in love with my bride and the woman I make the mother of my children. An arranged marriage sounds like...well it sounds like a transaction instead of happiness. I want to be happy. I do not wish to put any woman through what you go through. Only seeing their spouse when it is designated and only acknowledging my children when I see fit to lay down my laws" I plead.

 

  My mother turns her face away from me to hide her expression of sadness that I briefly see. "I'm sorry ma. I didn't mean to say that" I express my remorse as I touch her shoulder.

 

  "It's okay my er zi. You are right...but you are also wrong. I did not have a choice when I was given to your father at the age of twenty to be his. I did not have a choice, but it was all that I knew. From the moment I was born I had been in training to become someone's wife. My parents thought your ba was a great match even though at the time I felt much like you do. However, you are wrong that an arranged marriage cannot lead to love. Over the many years I have grown to love your ba with all my heart and he did give me you, my greatest treasure. As an ex- general his time has always been divided and that is something I knew before we were matched" she states.

 

  As always here she was to defend him. I could see with my own eyes that she was unhappy with the arrangement. I could hear the tears in our part of the home as she cried when he left her to go spend time with another. I could even see her anger when he mentioned the others. I will never understand how she could still love him when I doubt very much that he loved her the same.

 

  "I know how you feel on the subject of your binding ma. I will not speak on it again. All I do ask is that you talk to ba. He was a man of twenty-two at the time of his marriage while I am but eighteen. He had the time to meet others and to claim them when he wanted. I believe that I deserve that honor of having that choice too" I begged.

 

  As she looked at me her expression turned pensive. I could see the wheels in her mind turning and the sight brought me a tiny string of hope.

 

  "I will talk to your ba when I can about the matter but I-—"I hugged my mother hard interrupting her "make no promises. You have to remember that his mind is rarely changed" she utters.

  I hug her longer in the embrace and exclaim my gratitude gratefully "thank you." I let her go and lay back down on my bed. The painful expression that was on my face is now replaced with a small hopeful smile as I look up at those hills. My mother leans over to place a kiss on my forehead before she rises from her position on the edge of my kang. She makes her way to the tapestry that leads to the hall and pauses with it lifted for her exit.

 

  "Sweet dreams, er zi" she wishes.

 

  "Sweet dreams, ma" I reply.

 

  As I close my eyes to get some sleep for my day of studying tomorrow, the only thing that runs through my mind are thoughts of Io. I just might have the chance to woo the girl that brings that foreign feeling to my chest that I like so much.