It’s Time

Addy’s POV

“Addy run to the packhouse and get to the lockdown room.” My dad yells at me as we are running out of our house.  It’s midnight and our pack is under attack from rouges.   

“Dad no, I can’t leave you.”

“Addy I am not asking; I command you to go.”  I watch as my dad turns back around and runs into the fight.  I haven’t shifted yet, so I can’t fight.  I start running towards the packhouse when I am cut off by a rouge.  My dad suddenly tackles the rouge down and rips his throat out.

I look around and see more rouges starting to come towards us.  He gets between me and the rouges, several other warriors build a barrier between the rouges and me.  My dad turns to yell at Gamma Blake, “Take the Luna to the packhouse NOW!”  I look around looking for Luna Maria and I don’t see her, suddenly I feel Gamma Blake throw me over his shoulder and carry me to the packhouse.  Why is Gamma Blake carrying me, Dad said to take the Luna?  I look back up over Gamma Blakes shoulder and see my dad being surrounded by rouges.

I wake up in a startle, sweat covering me.  I keep having the same nightmare since my dad passed a week ago.  The look in his eye as he yells to protect our Luna as he looked me right into my eyes.

I look over at the clock and its 4:45. My alarm goes off in 15 minutes, I might as well get up.  I get up and slide on my sports bra, leggings, and tennis shoes.  I have morning training with Gamma Blake before pre shifters training starts.  I started having private training lessons with Gamma Blake after my mother passed away. My dad had me start to make sure I could protect myself.  He said it was important for me to train and get stronger, and that I would need it in the future. 

I walk down the stairs and see my brother sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking his coffee and staring off into the space.  I know he is hurting and overwhelmed.  He was going to take over the Beta position from Dad soon and he has been training with him for the last several months.  Now, he is taking over without his guidance next week.

“Good Moring Tristan.” I say softly as I walk over to the fridge and grab a bottled water.

“Good morning, Addy.  How are you feeling little moon?”  I know he keeps expecting me to fall apart, I still haven’t taken the time to grieve, but I don’t want to burden him more.

“I am good. Just heading out for training.”  Tristan walks over and kisses the top of my head as he pulls me into a hug.

“You know you have to talk about it at some point, right?” he asks as I hug him back.  Tristan and I have always been close. I love him so much, but I can’t give him more to deal with right now.

“Nope, I am good.  I do need to run though, I am going to be late,” I grab a protein bar off the countertop and run out the back door, before he tries to make me talk more.  I know he just wants to be there for me.  But if I start thinking about it, I know I will fall apart, and I can’t do that to him right now.  I have to be strong.

I get over to the empty training field.  Pre shifters training doesn’t start until 6:30. I go straight into the gym.  Gamma Blake always has me start with weights but today, I need to get energy out, so I head for the punching bag.  I start hitting the bag without wrapping up my hands.  I don’t even care, I need the physical pain, or I am going cry and I can’t fall apart.  I don’t know how long I have been going at it, when all of a sudden, I feel arms wrapped around me and I am pulled away from the bag.  I scream from being startled.  I should have known someone was there, but I was to focused on my pain and trying to beat it down that I didn’t even notice Gamma Blake come in. 

“You want to tell me what that punching bag did to you?”  I look up at Gamma Blake as he puts me down and turns me towards him.

“I just needed to get some energy out.” I don’t want to look up at him, he can read me like a book, and I know he will see right through me.

“Looks like you are trying to punch the pain out of your heart.”  He grabs my hands and looks down at my busted knuckles.  “You know the physical pain will never cover the emotional pain; you are going to have to let it take over at some point.”  I just keep looking down and refuse to look up at him.  I know he is right, but I can’t.  I have to stay busy; I can’t fall apart.  He grabs my chin lightly and pulls it up, so I am looking up in his eyes, “Come on little moon.  You are one of the toughest if not the toughest warrior we have, but even the strong weep.  It is okay to grieve.”

 “I will, I am just not ready, not yet.  I need Tristan to be okay, I need him to get through his Beta ceremony.  I can’t be a burden to him or to this pack.” 

Gamma Blake looks down into my eyes and I can see the sadness they hold; he is like an uncle to me.  Him, my dad, and Alpha Jack were best friends growing up, and he has always been there for me.  “You little moon, will never be a burden to anyone.  We all love you.  Let your pack be strong for you.”

I look away because I don’t want to break.  “I am just not ready yet.” 

Gamma Blake looks over at the field through the windows, I realize pre shifters are warming up.  I was in here a lot longer than I realize.  “Go home, you aren’t training anymore today.  Get your hands cleaned up.  I love you, kiddo.”  He kisses the top of my head and walks out through the doors. 

I grab my bag and walk out the back door.  I don’t want to run into anyone right now.  I make my way back home and run up to the shower.  My brother is already gone for the day.  He should be helping the pre shifters train before he starts work in the pack office. 

I clean up my knuckles after my shower, they should be healed by this evening.  As shifters we heal faster but since I haven’t shifted in my wolf yet, it will take a little longer than a shifted werewolf.  I slide on a black t shirt, my skinny jeans, and my Nikes.  I grab my school bag, my keys, and head out my door.  I usually ride to school with my best friends Lizzy and Gabby, but since my father passed.  I have been driving by myself, I just need the space.  I get to the school parking lot and park.  I see Lizzy and Gabby by the door of the school waiting for me.  I walk up and give them hugs as we walk into the building. 

“Hey girl!” Lizzy squeals as I give her a hug.  She looked down at my hands and raised her eyebrows.  “You want to explain why your knuckles are busted up and why we didn’t see you at training this morning?  You never miss training.” 

“I got into a fight with a punching bag.  Gamma Blake sent me home for beating up his girlfriend.”  The girls died into laughter.  We get to our lockers and get our books and head to our first class.  The rest of the day, like this whole last week, I struggled to pay attention in class.  I realized during my last class that I needed to finish up my grief baskets and deliver them to the families of the warriors that died.  That was something my mom and I always did together for as long as I can remember.  Anytime anyone passes away in our pack, she would make a grief basket with her famous chocolate chip cookies in it, and hand them out to the families.

The last bell of the day rings, and the girls and I head out towards our cars.  “Hey girl, we were going to stop by Jimmy’s and then head over to the mall.  Do you want to come?”  Gabby asked as she unlocked her car door.  Her and Lizzy have been taking turns since I stopped riding with them this week.  “No, I need to get home and work on some cookies for the grief baskets.” Lizzy and Gabby give each other a look.  I know that look.  That is the look of pity.  I can’t stand that look.  “Addy, at some point…” Lizzy started.  “I have to go, I will see y’all tomorrow at training.” I interrupted.  I know what she was going to say, its what everyone has said all week.  At some point I have to grieve, but I am not ready for that yet.  I am not ready to grieve because than it means its real and I am not ready for the it to be real.