๋ก๊ทธ์ธ๊ณต์
Trust
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ:
2022-12-04 18:08:28
D Foxhe can
๊ด๋ จ ์ฑํฐ
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Trust?
He nods and I lift a hesitant hand towards him.I follow the outlines of the scars over his forearm.Then the ones closer to his hips. His eyes are never leaving my fingers when he says."Please don't ask me if I've ever wanted to kill myself.""I wasn't going to.""No?""No."I am quiet for a while, goosebumps start rising on his skin where I'm still touching him."Did it ever help?"He pauses before answering and I don't urge him to continue. In the end, he admits."Sometimes. Not always.""Maybe no matter what we do, we can't always kill that part we are trying to fight, right ."He looks up and out meet."You don't think something's wrong with me, do you?""Oh, Jer."My hands cup his face and I rest my forehead against his shoulder."Never.""Are you sure?"I laugh ner
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-05Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Friendships
His room is not what I expected. But again. Nothing about him is what I expected.Everything is in perfect order, but I don't know if it's because he hates the mess, or it's the maid that takes care of everything.He has so much music, vinyl, and old first edition albums that I can't believe I'm even here and I can see them."You have a guitar?"I gasp after I've sat on the bed and see the Fender propped by the wall. "No way. Do you play?""Occasionally."Of course he does."Can I see it?""Uhh, sure. Yeah."I get up and my hands go for the guitar directly. It's an awesome original one and I run a hesitant hand over the strings."I should've figured you play.""Yeah, how?"He snorts and leans back on the bed. Nathan pulls a cigarette out and lights it.He is so hot I look quickly away. It's awkward enough as it is, especiall
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-06Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Animals
EvaMy phone is ringing and I don’t feel like picking up.I asked my mom if I can stay home for a few days. I told her it was because of Dad and the funeral.A belated grievance, probably.Nathan finally picked up and said he needed to travel for a few days. So I decided to stay home, read and look at the constant rain.It’s been raining for days now and it’s starting to become annoying.The phone doesn’t stop ringing, though, and after the third time it goes off, I pick up. It’s probably my mother.“What?”“Eva?”“Hey, Chris.”“I’m at your place.”“My place?”I jump out of my bed. “Why? I mean…”She sounds like she’s crying and I ask again. “Chris, are you okay?”“Yeah, I just..is it ok if I come in,
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-07Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย You Worry Me
โItโs what they tell everyone, but no. Our parents were just trying to get Nate out of the whole shit he was sinking into. He was home tutored for a while after getting out of rehab, but the doctors said it would be better for him if he went back to school, even though he'd be a year older than the others.โโHe missed a whole year, right?โโYeah.โI see he is struggling, at the same time he wants to talk about it. So I wait patiently. Iโll always be here for him. I know that by now. After a while, Jer begins โI sometimes feel the older we get, the less we care about passing years. I was so excited about Christmas, or New Year's. I've always hated birthdays, but I don't care about any of that now. It'll only be worse if I grow older. I know itโs different with you and your family. But thatโs how it is with oursโฆSo yeah- only a year lost. Lost. Only. Was this year lost?โDonโt say that. โโBut can something be "only lost?" He looks up at me and this is the first time Jeremy lets me in
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-08Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Maddison
Oh, there it is, I think to myself. This is what probably Nathan meant when he said addiction never goes away.He not only meant it doesn't go away for you but also the people around you.I guess they suspect him every time he is home after eleven.I shake my head, somehow understanding why he doesn't like trusting people.Trust is a two-way street, and, even his closest, or at least those that are supposed to be his closest ones, don't trust him."No, Jeremy," I say and smile "Don't worry. He's fine. We're fine."He frowns and something passes his face."What?""No, nothing. That's good, then. Just don't trust him too much, all right? ""I thought you were his brother."I joke."Exactly."He holds my eyes for a second and I decide to change the topic."Okay, I’ll keep it in mind. Thank for…for the warning. And you? How are thing
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-09Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย The Price of Honesty
"You stupid bitch, who do you think you are?" Maddison pulls my hair and my hand goes automatically for hers, pulling harder.It probably looks nothing like fighting in movies.It's mostly hair-pulling and shouting.I feel hands around my waist, pulling me back.I see someone else's arms wrap around Maddison and there's enough space around us now that I can pause and take a breath. "You're crazy," She keeps shouting at me and I push my classmates to hold me.The damage- I did pull her hair extensions and they're now on the floor.Some of the guys around are laughing, others are frowning at her eye, turning blue very quickly. Me. Well. I feel the blood of my split lip trickling and my hand shots to wipe it clean and I flinch as I do so, because it stings. The reason for all of this-Maddison is wearing the scarf I saw in Nathan's room.
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-10Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Decisions
Kyle"All right, listen up," Coach gathers us all right before the game."That's your most important game. Not only because we're almost at the finals, but because tonight the audience is not just your grannies or cousins, all right?""Yes, Coach,"We say together and he continues "Tonight there are recruiters from some of the top league teams. Do you know what this means?"It's like we're retarded. Of course, we know what it means, but we can't tell him that, so we shout in agreement again."Now get your asses out there and if you impress the right people, your future is something to be proud of. Come on and let's kick The Knights' asses."Everyone starts booing and we lift our sticks and get out on the ice.My teammates are excited, dizzy with the adrenaline, and the amazing prospect of either being offered a scholarship, or invited to an actual professional team.&nbs
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-11Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Suspended
* * *We won. We didn't only win, but we won with a big difference. Itโs indescribable, I feel my hands are shaking while I am taking my skates off. Even an hour later, the exhilaration still hasnโt died yet and I hear the others singing and banding the walls on their way to the lockers. They all come in together, I guess Iโm busted because I kind of ran away again."Sorry, guys," I say and laugh "But I just thought that's the thing to do." "Are you crazy? " Will pushes past Mile and says "We were with you since the beginning. I don't care where you put your thing as long as it's not in me." "Yeah, Kyle. I mean, โ Max says, โI knew ever since I saw you with Jeremy at my place." "Really?" "Well, yeah. I don't know, man. Just- I don't care, what you do is your business. I don't think anyone else besides Jared had a problem with it." "And his actual problem was you're better. That's all." Will says"I can't believe you think that,"โOf course we do. That's more girls for us, right
์ต์ ์
๋ฐ์ดํธ : 2022-12-12
์ต์ ์ฑํฐ
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย END
D Fox The story Nathan talks about when he explains his tattoos is Sakura Gari (The Hunt for Cherry Blossoms) by the brilliant Yuu Watase. He was the character I was most hesitant about when writing, just because Nathan is the โmisunderstoodโ one; the one even I couldnโt always understand. Everything starts with Jeremy, who speaks to the reader whenever heโs uncomfortable; he breaks the fourth wall in an attempt to escape, until he finally stops because heโs found his way. Partly thanks to Kyle, partly because of himself. And by the end, Eva is the one who starts talking to us. Gray Daze is the novel I began writing even before The Gentlemanโs Code. I was just afraid of writing about some of the topics here. Afraid, because I know everyone dealing with any kind of emotional trauma, or however you want to name mental health problems (I hate the word problems, especially in this context, but thatโs how theyโre listed in the Mental Health Foundation List) has a different experienc
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Summer
Eva "Eva, I'm off. Don't forget to eat something before you go to your part-time, okay?" โOkay. โ โBye then, โ "No, Mom. Wait." I rush down the stairs and catch her right before she's closed the door from the outside. "Wait." "What is it." โNothing. โ I kiss her lightly on the cheek "Just wanted to say have a nice shift." "Is this because I found out about the tattoo?" "No," I smile, "Because of everything else." My mother smiles at me and cups my face. โIโm your mother, Eva. โ โBut stillโฆโ She pauses and when she speaks again, her voice is full of affection and understanding. "We all make mistakes. Look at me. And we're all first teenagers before we become adults. So don't think just because I am old, I don't remember what it's like to be 18." "Okay, I know, I just..." I cast my eyes down, and even though it hadn't been her intention, I feel guilty. Not for now. But for before, for all the things I've thought about her or called her in my head. "Okay, Eva
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Men Talk
KyleI hear footsteps coming my way, as I'm lying under a car in Dad's garage, trying to fix the breaks of an old model they just brought in.I know it's not Jeremy because he's with Stela and they wouldn't be so quiet if they came in.I slide from under it and see my father."Dad?"We've been walking carefully around each other in the past few days.The reason- well, he knows about my grand show at the finals."Hello, Kyle.""Uhh, I'm almost done here, is there anything else I need to fix? I thought you'll be working on the truck. "I have no idea what he's doing here."No, you... That's enough for today once you finish with that one you can go.""Uh, okay."I'm still lying, waiting for him to continue.My father props himself against the front of one of the cars opposite me and crosses his arms.Then he relax
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Showers
"Eva? Really? ""Yeah, why? "" I'm Adam. ""You are kidding," Chris exclaims and I give him a flat look."That's not your real name.""Does it matter?"The guy asks and leans forward, placing his palms on the table we've been standing around."No," I say, "It doesn't.""Are you a friend of Max's?"Chris asks and the guy, maybe his name is Adam for real, and he shakes his head. "No, my friend is. I don't know anyone here.""You do now."Chris says teasingly and they exchange a smile."You have a friend here, let's go to him. I wanna meet him."I'm pretty sure Chris is getting tipsy, but that shouldn't be a problem.On the contrary.We go back to the living room, where I see an unfamiliar face, and I assume that's Adam's friend.He's another cute guy, not that tall, but it's still evident he works out.Adam introduces u
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย I Am Me
"Eva!"Chris hugs me when she sees me enter the room at Max's.It's crowded, as usual.I can't help but glance at the piano, and that time when I first spoke to Nathan.It feels like two lifetimes ago."I wasn't sure you'd come," she says worriedly.But I'm not worried, not anymore. I don’t care f he’s here or not. I might be lying to myself, but I’m trying to sound as persuasive as possible, even in my head. So far it hasn’t been working, but I’m doing my best."Well," I smile widely, “I have a reason to celebrate too. ““Yeah?”“The principal let me off the hook this time.“"No!""Yes," I say and Chris hugs me again.“I mean, it wasn’t that simple, but he said considering my previous record, he won’t suspend me.““Oh, my god, that’s awesome. We really should cel
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Suspended
* * *We won. We didn't only win, but we won with a big difference. Itโs indescribable, I feel my hands are shaking while I am taking my skates off. Even an hour later, the exhilaration still hasnโt died yet and I hear the others singing and banding the walls on their way to the lockers. They all come in together, I guess Iโm busted because I kind of ran away again."Sorry, guys," I say and laugh "But I just thought that's the thing to do." "Are you crazy? " Will pushes past Mile and says "We were with you since the beginning. I don't care where you put your thing as long as it's not in me." "Yeah, Kyle. I mean, โ Max says, โI knew ever since I saw you with Jeremy at my place." "Really?" "Well, yeah. I don't know, man. Just- I don't care, what you do is your business. I don't think anyone else besides Jared had a problem with it." "And his actual problem was you're better. That's all." Will says"I can't believe you think that,"โOf course we do. That's more girls for us, right
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Decisions
Kyle"All right, listen up," Coach gathers us all right before the game."That's your most important game. Not only because we're almost at the finals, but because tonight the audience is not just your grannies or cousins, all right?""Yes, Coach,"We say together and he continues "Tonight there are recruiters from some of the top league teams. Do you know what this means?"It's like we're retarded. Of course, we know what it means, but we can't tell him that, so we shout in agreement again."Now get your asses out there and if you impress the right people, your future is something to be proud of. Come on and let's kick The Knights' asses."Everyone starts booing and we lift our sticks and get out on the ice.My teammates are excited, dizzy with the adrenaline, and the amazing prospect of either being offered a scholarship, or invited to an actual professional team.&nbs
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย The Price of Honesty
"You stupid bitch, who do you think you are?" Maddison pulls my hair and my hand goes automatically for hers, pulling harder.It probably looks nothing like fighting in movies.It's mostly hair-pulling and shouting.I feel hands around my waist, pulling me back.I see someone else's arms wrap around Maddison and there's enough space around us now that I can pause and take a breath. "You're crazy," She keeps shouting at me and I push my classmates to hold me.The damage- I did pull her hair extensions and they're now on the floor.Some of the guys around are laughing, others are frowning at her eye, turning blue very quickly. Me. Well. I feel the blood of my split lip trickling and my hand shots to wipe it clean and I flinch as I do so, because it stings. The reason for all of this-Maddison is wearing the scarf I saw in Nathan's room.
Kissing The Wrong Guyย ย ย Maddison
Oh, there it is, I think to myself. This is what probably Nathan meant when he said addiction never goes away.He not only meant it doesn't go away for you but also the people around you.I guess they suspect him every time he is home after eleven.I shake my head, somehow understanding why he doesn't like trusting people.Trust is a two-way street, and, even his closest, or at least those that are supposed to be his closest ones, don't trust him."No, Jeremy," I say and smile "Don't worry. He's fine. We're fine."He frowns and something passes his face."What?""No, nothing. That's good, then. Just don't trust him too much, all right? ""I thought you were his brother."I joke."Exactly."He holds my eyes for a second and I decide to change the topic."Okay, I’ll keep it in mind. Thank for…for the warning. And you? How are thing
