CHAPTER SIX

Asher’s pov

My ex and first love was back in town.

I first met Madeline in the first formal event I ever attended. She was the first gorgeous woman I ever paid any attention to. It was also on that crisp evening that I bagged my first private jet sales.

She was a supermodel, evident in her 6’3” height and a jawline that could cut diamonds. She was the typical mean girl, with cash to throw around and an attitude that was rotten. I didn't know what exactly drew me to her, but I needed the distraction. Plus, she was easy on the eyes.

We hit it off immediately and started some type of ‘on and off’ relationship. Meaning, whenever she was in town, we would meet up and do all sort of things people in real relationships did. And then she would get a modelling gig and disappear for months after.

It worked for me, I wasn't too keen on being committed to a woman and I wasn't ready to. I didn't ever let us be seen in public together–she always had paparazzi following her around–so we always kept our affairs private.

Until I started to love her.

I am an orphan. I never knew the real definition of love because there was nobody to teach me. So I loved the only way I knew how: like I was gasping for air and it was the only way I could breathe. It was obvious I had attachment issues, and Madeline knew that and took advantage of it.

I knew she was a gold digger, so many signs were there, but I didn't care. I started to give her all of my attention, and if you're familiar with love, you would know that it always came with an ugly emotion–jealousy.

Any man I saw her on the arms of in a different country, I would imagine the one thousand ways I could slit his throat. And she loved it, the sick infatuation that I had about her.

She never cared if it was healthy for our ‘relationship’, she was a sick fellow and she loved the toxicity. And I didn't realize that until it was too late, until I had already fallen head over heels for her. Or so I thought.

Like all toxic relationships, Madeline got bored of me and everything I had to offer. She found someone else with less emotional baggage, I guess. But what I didn't expect during our dinner on that fateful evening was her ability to shatter both my self-esteem and I.

It was seven years ago. All of my hard work was beginning to pay off, and I was finally a millionaire. Madeline was in town for a fashion week of some sorts so I decided to seize the opportunity to have dinner with her and celebrate.

I should have seen it coming. From how she let my calls ring on and on before finally taking them, and from the countless voice mails I left her that remained unanswered.

But the most blaring of them all was that she had been in town for at least a month prior and she hadn't reached out to me, which was very unlike her. And typical me, I saw the signs and brushed the feelings off.

But they resurfaced again when she turned up for the dinner thirty minutes late, and with an expression that showed that she wanted to be anywhere else but there.

I ignored it–again–and started light conversation which was met with one-liners from her.

“So…you finally got that luxury brand contract you've been dreaming about. How's it been?” I once again tried to make conversation as I dug into my steak.

She shrugged, “You know…the usual.”

I watched her carefully. She seemed to glance around the restaurant every five seconds like she was nervous. I observed as she barely touched her food and took random sips of her wine. Plus, she refused to make eye contact.

A pit formed in my stomach and I immediately lost my appetite. A million thoughts began to form in my mind and I ran my fingers through my hair to make them stop. They didn't. I gulped my wine and stared at her.

I opened my mouth before I could stop myself.

“Let me guess, is it the golf guy from Australia? Or the old dude that just bought a twenty-three-million-dollar yacht for you in Panama? Because with you, it's kinda hard to tell the one you've decided to toy with for the season.”

“Excuse me?!”

Offense graced her facial features and I knew I hit the right spot. And I planned to continue hitting too, because one thing with me, if you hurt me, I'll most definitely take my pound of flesh, with my words.

“Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about, Madeline. This is your life, do not act like you don't enjoy it.”

“And you think you're better than me? Huh? Is that what you're saying?” She lashed back.

“I'm not, but at least, I don't call for favours and offer sex in return.” I jabbed back.

And there was utmost silence. By then, everyone in the tables around us were already whispering about us. Rich, nosy fucks that couldn't mind their business. And I didn't care, I already started it, so I might as well finish it.

Madeline started to laugh, a sick, twisted one that let me know that whatever she was about to say was going to hurt bad.

“You are such a narcissistic prick. You do not want me with other men, but for yourself. And yet, you do not even care to claim me and make me yours, because you are just a tiny baby who's scared of commitment. Grow up, Asher!”

“And yet, you were in my arms two months ago professing your undying love for me. Not gonna lie, but your inconsistency takes the cake, Madeline.”

We were dishing the hard truths out on each other, but I wasn't so bothered. This was our thing. We would go on and on and still end up in some suite somewhere with our clothes torn off, having angry sex.

I expected it would go down the same way this time, but I was in for the shock of my life.

She quickly gulped the rest of her wine and stared darts at me.

“You really think those words I said were true? Open your eyes, Asher,” she said and laughed.

“Let me make this clear, Asher,” she continued. “I never gave a fuck about you. Nobody does. Because you're a pathetic, piece of shit that finds solace in his wealth. And just so you know, the money and fame was good for a while. It helped me tolerate the bullshit ego you came with. But now, I'm so sick and fed up with you. And it's a plus because I've obviously hit bigger fish–billionaires. Maybe you have one or two lessons to learn from them.”

And with that, she picked up her clutch, and strutted out of the restaurant leaving me with the worst confusion in my life.

It took days for that confusion to materialize into a gaping hole in the middle of my heart. I hit a dead end every time I thought about her.

I thought I did everything alright, I thought I treated her with care by buying her all of the things she ever wanted and taking her to all of the places she liked. I wondered where exactly I went wrong in my waking hours.

It didn't take long for that gaping hole to metamorphosize into depression, and keep me from leaving my bedroom in weeks.

A call from my secretary jolted me back to reality when I realized that the empire I was building was on the verge of a collapse.

I then channeled my hurt into building. I built so hard that I became a billionaire in two years. And I didn't stop.

The hurt fueled me. I wanted to be better, better than all of the billionaires that she knew, better so she would come crawling back. Better so she finally saw just how much love I could show her.

It took me years to finally realize that it was never love, just fear. Fear of losing someone else in my corner. And I started to realize that some emotions could dull the actual meaning of love, and turn it into toxicity.

I formed a protective layer around me that came with a cold demeanor and heartless nature. I couldn't let anyone else hurt me like Madeline did.

I became the ruthless billionaire that left people awed and stuttering in my presence. People became scared to cross 'Asher Lennox, the billionaire', which left me satisfied. Nobody could mess with me now.

And then, I buried my emotions until they simmered down to a slight ache, and I eventually forgot about Madeline.

And now she was back. And with her presence came all of the buried emotions and memories.

And I was eager to see her, feel her. She was the driving force behind my success anyway, so I wanted to show her what I was like now.

I can't even deny that I didn't miss her. After all, feelings never fade–they just settle quietly in the heart.