MILKSHAKES AND MELTDOWNS.

ANASTASIA.

“Are you listening, Ana?”

I slide my attention from my assaulted vanilla milkshake that I’ve been jamming the straw in and out of to Zeke, who’s staring at me with a furrowed brow.

He came to pick me up earlier and we’ve been sitting in a coffee shop and talking. Well, he’s ended up doing all the talking while I’ve been thinking about other things.

Like what was Damien doing with Payton the entire afternoon?

For hours.

Alone.

She didn’t even leave in her car.

Logically, I shouldn’t be this affected, because I have no hold on him, right? Except maybe I do. After all, there’s a marriage certificate that says he’s married to me, and it should go without saying that he doesn’t leave with a woman who isn’t me.

It’s only on paper. The marriage isn’t real.

“Are you still upset about your dad?” Zeke tries again.

He’s such a gentleman. Like the best ever, and he’s hot, too, with his leather jacket, medium-length hair, and his pouty lips that are good at kissing.

But I don’t think kissing should feel good. There needs to be a shattering quality to it. Maybe something like the feeling that’s now taking asylum in my chest.

It’s supposed to hurt. To tear someone from the inside out and make them bleed out.

But is being hurt and shredded to pieces the correct thing to do?

Maybe Damien’s right. Maybe safe is what I should choose. Because who wants to be ripped apart with no hopes of ever pulling themselves together again?

Me, apparently, because the longer I stare at Zeke, the surer I am that he isn’t who will give me what I wish for.

“It’s not about Dad.” I stare at my milkshake, following the swirl of my straw before looking up at him. “I’m sorry, Zeke.”

“For what?”

“For leading you on. I promise I didn’t mean to, but…”

“You’re just not that into me, huh?”

I wince.

“It’s okay, though my pride is a bit wounded. Now, I think Lily is right and you used me for the Harley.”

“If it’s any consolation, I think you’re perfect.”

“Just not perfect for you?”

“Yeah, I guess. If I weren’t crazy, I would’ve chosen you.”

“It’s because you’re a little crazy that I like you, Ana. People who don’t appreciate that about you don’t deserve you.”

“They don’t?”

“Nope and you need to cut them off from your life.”

“But what if I can’t? What if they already made a snuggly place for themselves in there and it’s impossible to find them, let alone remove them?”

He relaxes back in his seat, crossing one ankle over the other, and takes a sip of his iced coffee. His favorite drink is similar to his personality—cool, delicious, and definitely soothing. “I guess that means you’re in too deep.”

“Nope, no. You’re supposed to tell me I should find a way to push them away, even if I’ll get hurt in the process.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Why do you have to get hurt in the process? If anyone should be in pain, it’s them.”

“I don’t like that—hurting people, I mean. I feel horrible doing it to you.”

“Never mind me. I’ll just be your practice, babe. Now, tell me, who’s the asshole?”

“You…don’t know him.”

Of course, he does.

Everyone in the country knows about the Lucas and their power. Besides, Zeke studies pre-law, so he’s more than aware of L&K..

But I’m a coward, okay? I don’t want him to judge me for being so hopelessly and stupidly into Dad’s best friend. I usually wouldn’t care, but Zeke is special. He likes my weirdness, and people like him are keepers. I don’t want him to run for the hills because I’m upset that someone who’s way older than me is out with someone more suitable. Someone close to his age and who works with him.

I scoff, slurping half of the milkshake without the straw to soothe my burning throat.

“Whoever he is, he’s a jerk who doesn’t deserve your time.”

“Yeah, he’s a fucking asshole.”

“A motherfucker.”

“A cold bastard with no feelings.”

“Get it off your chest, Ana.”

“And…and he’s never even stopped to ask me things, you know, even though I’ve learned everything about him. He thinks I’m a kid, because he likes to remind me that I’m young. He likes bringing up the age part because I can’t fight it. So he’s like the biggest jerk to ever exist and I hate him sometimes. I wish I could hate him all the time.” Zeke smiles a little.

“It’ll take practice, but you’ll get there.”

I sigh, feeling a little relieved after my outburst.

“Thanks for listening to me blabber even though I was a bitch to you.”

“You were never a bitch, Ana. You gave enough signs to push me away, but I wanted to stay close. It’s my choice and I still stand by it.”

“You still want to be friends?”

“Of course. Besides, you’re stuck with me for the summer.”

“What?”

“I got accepted for an internship at L&K.”

“Oh my God, Zeke! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just did.” He grins in that charming, lighthearted way and I’m so happy for that. I’m happy that I didn’t hurt him to the point of taking away his beautiful smile.

“I’m so glad we get to spend time together.”

“I thought you’d be all over getting rid of me.”

“Of course not! We can be friends, right?”

He clinks his iced coffee against my drink. “Sure thing.”

We fall into an easy conversation, which isn’t anything new. Zeke and I have always gotten along, which is why he asked me out, saying he wanted to take it to the next level. That obviously didn’t work, so I’m thankful that we can still have a friendly relationship.

We talk about college and exams and where our colleagues are doing their internships. He tells me about the interviewing process at L&K and how hard it was, but he passed because he impressed them and he’s a genius.

It’s great to know that I won’t be a lonely face in the midst of all the hostile interns. With Zeke around, I’ll have a more tolerable summer.

We go shopping for a few suits since he can’t just show up in his leather jacket, though it’s a killer look. Then I end up buying a few things for myself. I lose track of time in all the shopping we do, but I don’t mind.

Being preoccupied is nice. I’m the type who shouldn’t be given too much free time, because it’ll all be spent on overthinking until I drive myself insane.

By the time Zeke drops me off at home, it’s late. I take a few moments to pull my pencil skirt down my thighs. I had to hitch it up so that I could ride behind him, and used the bags to cover up. Apparently, pencil skirts and Harleys aren’t best friends.

My hair is enemies with the helmet, too, because it gets stuck inside it. For the third time today.

“Stupid hair.” I groan as I struggle to untangle it without ripping it from the roots.

Zeke chuckles and slides down from his bike to take over the task. He’s gentler than I am and manages to remove the helmet without pulling out my hair.

“You’re supposed to be patient, Ana.”

“Isn’t that another word for boring?”

He shakes his head as he smooths down my hair.

“Thanks, Zeke. For everything.”

He wraps his arms around me. “I’ve got you.”

I hug him back. “Now I’m feeling like I’m using you.”

“I’m the one who’s using you so that you’ll give me a permanent job when you own W&S. I push back, laughing. “They’ll be lucky to have you.”

“I’m holding you to that.” He ruffles my hair before he hops on his bike. The sound of the revving engine echoes in the air as he leaves, and I remain there, waving, until he disappears out of sight.

Then I tiptoe to the entrance because Dad will totally have my ass for being late and riding on a bike.

My shoulders hunch when I open the front door.

Right. Dad isn’t here anymore. I think I’m still in denial about it all, because every day, I wake up thinking I’ll find him in the kitchen or that he’ll be banging on my door, telling me I’m late for school.

In my mind, my dad’s still here. He’ll come back, because that’s what dads do. They stay.

They don’t leave like moms do.

My dad won’t abandon me like she did.

“What time is it?”