THE THINGS I SHOULD NOT WANT.

DAMIEN.

When my mother told me that I had a train brain, it wasn't because of my love for actual trains but because once I started moving forward, I wasn't moving backward. 

And sometimes that was a good thing. It meant that once I unleashed a thought in my mind and acted on it, that was it. I would do everything on my mind without leaving it unsatisfied.

And I had never had any issues with this train brain of mine until this moment. Until now, Anastasia has been staring at me like a big, bad wolf that wants to eat me. And God help me, she isn't ready for the things I have in mind for her. 

I can tell that she's scared, but there's something else in her gaze that I'm trying to decipher. She's looking at me like I'm a big bad wolf, which is supposed to make her want to back off, right? But she just kept looking at me like I was a piece of snack that she wanted to munch on. 

And that was the problem of Anastasia, even as a kid, horror stories used to scare her, but she wanted to listen to them over and over again because that was just how she was. Instead of her to stop, she wanted to hear more of it. It was almost as if the thought of it thrilled her. 

It was amusing each time, but it wasn't amusing while she looked at me that way. That's why I told her to get in the car while I took her home. If we kept standing there and she kept looking at me the way she was, there would be a very big problem. 

We are now in front of Xavier’s house. We both agreed that I would move in; it was information that shocked her, but I couldn't leave her alone, not after all the things happening at the moment, but she didn't need to know that. 

“Go get some sleep,” I told her, and she looked at me and squinted her eyes. I wasn't looking, but I could see. 

“How did you know that I didn't sleep?” 

“Because you keep squinting your eyes when you are outside.” Yeah, I didn't know why I knew that. 

But she was my best friend’s daughter, and I knew her like the back of my hand. Anytime she didn't get enough sleep, she would be sensitive to light, and it was always bad, but I knew she was trying to be a big girl right now. 

“Squinting my eyes?” I tipped my chin at her eyes, which were squinted, and she sighed, her lips falling open in the slightest bit. I wanted to jam my fingers in there and have her suck on them until she couldn't breathe. 

Fuck. 

What the fuck was I thinking in Xavier’s house for crying out loud? About his daughter? 

It's those damn words, I swear. She shouldn't have said them. She shouldn't have confessed that she didn't want safe and boring. If she had just kept her pretty mouth shut, all these thoughts would not be swirling in my mind. 

“Oh, I didn't notice that. How did you?” 

“How did I what?” 

“Notice that I'm sensitive to light when I don't sleep?” 

“Because you kept covering your eyes at the city hall.” Liar. 

She could have been covering her eyes because of the sun, or maybe because her eyes were sensitive to light at that moment, but I knew it was because she hadn't slept, because I paid too much attention to her. 

“I was?” she asked. 

I nodded but said nothing else. She waited a bit, watching me as if waiting for me to say something else. 

“So what happens now?” she asked after realising that I wasn't going to say anything.

“Now you go get some sleep, and I go back to work.” 

“And after that?” 

“Then you wake up and eat some food, in fact, do it now. Eat something before you go to sleep.”

“Do you know that you give a lot of orders?” 

“And you do a lot of talking back.” 

“Because you're so stiff all the time. Someone has to lighten up the mood.” 

“And is that supposed to be funny?” 

“It can be if you want.”

“Do you see me laughing?” 

She throws a dismissive hand in the air. “Ughhhh. You're so stiff. I never see you laugh, Damien. So the problem is you, not me. Anyways, like I was asking. What happens after I eat, sleep, visit dad, and when you return from work?” 

“What do you think will happen?” I'm treading on dangerous grounds here by even indulging her, but I can't ignore the light shining in her eyes. But even her eyes are darkening now as she gulps audibly. 

“I….I don't know.” 

“You don't, huh?”

“I don't.” 

“That means nothing would happen.”

“No, but that's not what you said.”

“And what did I say, Anastasia?” 

“You said something about me being fucked and one other thing.” 

“One other thing?” 

She bit her lip. Hard. I'm surprised it didn't start bleeding. 

“You know.” 

“Say it.” 

“I…I can't.” 

“See…this is why I told you to return to the safe and boring. You know your vanilla lifestyle.”

“I said I didn't want that. I wouldn't have kissed you two weeks ago if I did.” 

At the mention of that, memories of her lips against mine rush back in. It's a myriad of hazy things, like her body against mine and her scent bleeding beneath my flesh. The way her tongue had made a mess on my lips and how her breasts had pressed against me. If I had given in to that kiss two weeks ago, she wouldn't be able to walk for weeks with what I had in mind. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

I didn't even like kissing, but now I can't stop staring at her fucking lips. The lips that started it all when they shouldn't have. 

This was my best friend’s daughter who I was older than with years. 

“Thats not a moment to be proud of, Anastasia.” 

“I know. I should have done better,” she said, turning in a way that she was now facing me completely, and her full breasts were staring directly at me. Fuck, those big things were the problem, I swear. I have never even been a fan of big girls. But I don't understand what it was with this girl. “I should have grabbed you harder so you wouldn't have been able to push me away. But you're so strong.” 

She said and looked down at my covered pecs slowly. And her tongue swiped at her lips, leaving a trail of a messy shine that I wanted to mess up. 

“Oh well, I've seen how you work out with Dad, so I don't think I stood a chance.”