Nanatiling nakayakap si Mayari kay Apollo. Sa mga oras na ‘yon ay ramdam niyang ligtas siya sa bisig nito.
Maya maya’y tumunog ang telepono ng huli, dahilan para bumitaw sila sa pagkakayakap sa isa't isa.
“Hello?... Ha? Bakit?... Anong nangyari?... Saan?... Okay papunta na ‘ko,” halata sa boses niya ang pag-aalala, hindi na nakapag-paalam si Apollo kay Mayari at madali nang tumakbo palabas
Hindi na niya tinangkang sundan pa ang binata, ngayon niya lamang nakita ang gano’ng mukha ni Apollo. Namumutla ito at mangiyak ngiyak na.
Inabot niya ang telepono at nag-iwan ng mensahe sa kaibigan.
“I don’t know what happened but if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. Whatever it is, I hope it will be alright, I hope you’re fine.”
Hindi na niya hinintay pa ang reply nito at ipinagpatuloy na lang ang pagliligpit.
Sa kabilang anda, pawis si Apollo na tumatakbo papasok sa isang ospital. Tila wala siyang naririnig at nakikita, tuliro niyang itinanong sa nurse ang detalye tungkol sa isang matandang dumating kani kanina lamang
“Apollo?” pagtawag sa kanya ng ama
“Dad, where’s abuela?” nangingiyak niyang tanong “what happened?” dagdag niya pa at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ng ama
“She’s upstairs in her room,” nakayukong tugon ng ama
Agad na tumakbo si Apollo papunta sa kwarto ng kaniyang lola, mabilis ang kabog ng kanyang dibdib at tila tatalon ang kanyang puso mula rito.
Dahan dahan niyang binuksan ang pinto, hindi handa sa kung anong sasalubong sa kanyang itsura ng matanda pagpasok niya sa loob.
He felt his surrounding become darker, the only thing he can see is the woman he loved the most after her mother—laying on a hospital bed with a lot of apparatus connected to her. He can see that she’s suffering from her situation right now, and the worst thing is he can’t do anything to make her feel better.
He sat beside the table and kissed his grandmother’s forehead,
“It’s okay, abuela. You can go now, it’s been a hell of a journey, go take your rest. We’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” bulong niya rito; tila ba may sariling buhay ang kanyang mga luha at nag-unahan itong lumabas mula sa kanyang mga mata.
The room was filled with silence, and silence for Apollo means peace and serenity but right at this moment; silence becomes a friend of grief, defeat, and sadness. He let that moment slip through his hands again, just like what he did to his Mom; he never asked them to fight because he was too scared to hurt them.
Moments have passed and the flat line noise broke the silence. His grandmother signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) form; so he did nothing. He stood over his dying grandmother, he feels weak to make a move or at least think. Apollo fell to his knees, his world is starting to fall apart again.
“What happened?!” his dad entered the room and grab him on his collar
“She’s gone,” Apollo said while looking down, he’s not on himself right now, he knew his father knows that. He did not say that to his father, either, he's saying it to himself. Trying to process everything.
“She’s gone,” he said and pushed his father; he ran.
His feet brought him to the fire exit, he sat on the stairs and cry. His phone rang and he didn’t bother to look at the caller, he answered it right away and cried. That’s all he needs now.
His mom’s dead, and now his grandmother has died. He got no one to cry onto.
“Hey, Apollo, what happened? Are you crying? Is everything alright?” Mayari spoke on the other line
“She’s gone,” Apollo then cried
“Hey, it’s okay, just—you don’t have to speak now. Just cry, I’ll be here. I’ll listen when you’re ready,” the next moments were silent, she let Apollo cried and she just listened to his sobs over the phone,
“Mayari, my grandmother’s gone, just like that and she’s gone,” Mayari doesn’t know what to say, this is her first time seeing Apollo get so emotional.
“Nasa’n ka ba? Do you want me to come over?” she asked
“No, I-I’m fine, I’m sorry,” Apollo got back to his senses and wipe his tears
“No, that’s fine. I’m glad that I called to check up on you. I’ll be here whenever you need me,” Apollo did not respond and hang up the call, he put his hands over his head, trying to think about what happened—he still doesn’t want to believe it.
Minutes passed and he decided to go back to his grandmother’s room.
“Hey, Pol, I’m sorry about earlier I just--”
“Enough, Dad. It’s not about us now,” he cut off his Dad and sit beside him
“She was waiting for you downstairs tapos narinig na lang naming may bumagsak, when we got there, she’s laying on the floor—unconscious,” his Dad explained,
Apollo looked down and held his face
“Cardiac arrest. That was the doctor said, hindi na raw ‘yon imposible sa edad at lagay ng puso niya,” dagdag pa nito
Apollo didn’t say a word,
“I’ll ask the maid to prepare her things,” his Dad said
“No. I’ll do it,” he said then walks away.
It’s not the first time that Apollo felt this kind of grief. The weight of the darkness trying to conquer his whole world is getting heavier. Kinakain siya nito nang buo.
Huminto siya sa sakayan ng taxi, bahagyang tumingala at bumuntong hininga.
He knew he doesn’t want to have this kind of ending in different stories and situations.
A taxi stopped in front of him, he grabbed the door and sat at the corner. He let his head rest on the window, he wants to sleep. He wants to rest for a while but right now—resting doesn’t feel resting anymore. Hindi na nadadaan sa tulog ‘yong pagod na nararamdaman niya.
Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay huminto ang taxi sa tapat ng bahay ni Apollo, agad siyang bumaba at mabigat ang mga hakbang na lumakad papunta sa pintuan,
“It doesn’t feel like home anymore,” he whispered once he opened the door
He went directly to his grandmother’s closet,
This room smells like her, he thought
Kinuha niya ang isang dress mula sa damitan ng kanyang lola at inilatag ito sa kama.
This was his gift to her last Christmas.
Every move that he’s doing is heavy, every step he’s taking is against his will. This is not the moment he’s expecting her grandmother to wear that dress.
He sat on the bed and hugged the dress, he used to do it on her mom’s stuff and it hurts more now that he has two different bedrooms with different things but feeling the same grief and anger.
If he could just come home early, he would have another moment with his Abuela.
He’s starting to feel it again… like everything’s his fault. That he could’ve done better.
“Stuff happens to people, all the time, and it’s not your fault,” his grandmother’s voice echoed in his thoughts
Maybe it’s time for him to stop beating himself up from the things he can’t control.
“Bad things happen to people, life can sometimes be terrible—live a happy life. Don’t waste your time grieving, crying, and chasing. You have to keep moving. Accept. Move on,” he remembered what his grandmother use to say whenever he feels like he’s the one to blame on his mother’s death.
He looked up and let his body fall on his abuela’s bed. He doesn’t want to feel this kind of emptiness again. He never knew that emptiness can be this heavy.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Look!” young Apollo tried to get his mom’s attention, but she was too busy preparing food
It was Apollo’s 5th birthday, he’s wearing his swimming trunks and arm floaties; running around the pool.
“Mom! Mom! I can swim!” He said then jump on the pool
His mom looked his way and immediately run towards him, he was drowning.
“Pol!!” his mom shouts
Everything went slow for Apollo, he saw his mother slip—she was lying on the floor. She’s not moving.
“Apollo!” his grandmother screams.
Apollo wakes up from his bad dream, that’s how his mother died. That has been haunting him for years, he was blaming himself. It was somehow his fault.
His tears started falling again—he’s been dreaming about his mom’s death, the only thing that’s different now is he can’t cry in his grandmother’s arms.
He sighed and sat down, he looked around the room once again then walks to the door.
“I already miss you, Abuela,” he whispered then close the door
Apollo went downstairs and found a familiar figure seating on the couch, from its broad shoulders, height, and hair—he knew exactly who it was.
It’s been five years since the last time they saw each other, he’s not familiar with its presence anymore.
“Kuya,” Apollo whispered.
Mayari stood in front of a funeral home, it’s been a while since she went to a place like this. The last one was her parents’. There are people in their white shirts walking in and out, the familiar scent of mourning was present. Everyone has this specific face; the same expressions she saw on her parents’ burial. The image of loss and sadness reflects their faces. Flowers are arranged in the cruelest way beside the photo of an old lady. This is the feeling that Mayari doesn’t want to be familiar with. She walked past the aisle and went to Apollo, “Hey,” she greeted him Apollo looked at her with anguish and exhaustion, she sat beside him and held his hands. The thing is—she never learned how to console someone, especially in this kind of situation. She doesn’t know what to say but she knows she needs to stay with Apollo. “My mother died on my 5th birthday,” Apollo said without looking at Mayari, “I was so excited kasi finall
They were walking on the sidewalk looking for a cab, it just stopped raining and cars are rare at this time of night. The street rested in silence under the cloudy black sky, trees on the roadside are dancing along with the cold breeze. This brings them peace. “This is what peace looks like,” Apollo said “Peace has different faces, it’s just a piece of it,” Mayari said then smiled They stopped at the waiting shed and sat on a cold metal seat. “You haven’t mentioned your brothers huh?” she said and lean back “I don’t want to talk about them,” he said then shook his head “Hmm, anyway, malapit ko nang matapos ‘yong film ko. You want to see it?” she offered to change the topic “Yeah, sure, some other time,” a cab stopped in front of them, they stood up then walk towards it. “Just give me a call, if you need anything, ha?” she said then tap Apollo’s head “I’ll be fine, go home and get some rest, let’s start looking f
“Do you think we can make it? Do you think we’ll win?” tanong niya kay Chloe Kasalukuyan silang nasa bahay nito kung saan ginaganap ang pag e-edit ng kanilang pelikula. “I hope so,” the latter answered The film festival will happen a week from now, she knows that the only thing she can do now is hope while waiting. “Hey, what’s up?” Apollo entered the room holding cans of soda and wrapped his arms around her neck. “Are you two really just friends-friends?” Chloe from her seat looked up to them and raised her eyebrows. “Anong balita sa film niyo?” Apollo asked, ignoring Chloe’s question. “Well, we’ll know the results next week,” Chloe answered “Oh, sakto! We have to bring a “partner” on the premiere night, you should join Mayari!” she added. “No, he doesn’t have to!” pagtutol ni Mayari at tinapunan ng masamang tingin ang kaibigan “He has more important things to do--” “Oh, I’d loved to,” Apollo interrupted
Nakaupo si Apollo sa living room ng bahay nina Chloe, hinihintay ang pagbaba ng dalawa. Ngayon ang araw ng premiere night ng pelikula nila at labis nila itong pinaghandaan dahil may “red carpet” para sa mga taong bumuo ng mga obrang itatanghal sa big screen ng unibersidad. “Mayari! Bilisan mo na r’yan!” sigaw ni Chloe na nagmamadaling bumaba sa hagdan. Sa pagkakataong ‘to ay naiisip na ni Apollo ang mga susunod na eksena… kahalintulad sa pelikula, kung paano bababa ang babaeng bida at mahuhumaling naman ang leading man. Pamilyar siya sa ganitong mga pangyayari, madaming beses na niya itong napanood subalit sa oras na iyon ay pakiramdam niya tatalon ang puso niya mula sa kanyang dibdib. “Eto na pababa na!” sigaw ni Mayari mula sa taas at dali daling lumabas ng kwarto papunta sa hagdan. Mayari’s entrance was far from what he expected. She was running barefoot down the stairs, her blue stilettos are tangled on her left arm while she’s putting her earring
Mayari was sitting next to the window of the pantry, she can see the buildings, the trees dancing with the wind, and the busy streets under the raging sun. It’s been a week since she admitted her feelings for Apollo, a week since she last saw him. She can’t help but wonder, is Apollo part of the view she’s seeing right now? Or he’s at home, laying on his bed all day—not bothering to read her messages; like a coward. “Ouch! Shit, that hurts!” her attention was caught by a guy standing beside her… there goes that uncomfortable aura conquering her personal space. “Sorry, I fell. Masyadong malalim ‘yang iniisip mo eh,” Aman joked with his signature smirk and sat at the monoblock chair across Mayari “What now?” Mayari asked, she’s not really in a mood to deal with Aman’s presence. “Nothing, I was about to get some lunch then nakita kita. I thought you need some company,” he said then smiled. Hindi na lang sumagot si Mayari, ipinagpatuloy niya ang p
“Mayari! Mayari wait!” pagtawag ni Aman sa pangalan ni Mayari, kasalukuyan niya itong hinahabol palabas ng bahay nila. “Sinadya mo ‘yon eh!” sigaw niya at huminto sa tapat ng sasakyan ni Aman. “Sinadya mo!” muli niyang sigaw at hinampas ang dibdib nito. “Alam mong engagement party ng kapatid mo ‘yon, of all people ako pa ‘yong niyaya mo! Sinadya mo ‘yon because you’re an asshole! You’re an asshole, Aman! You keep on telling me that I shouldn’t trust Apollo but it’s you—it’s always been you! You’re the bad guy,” naiiyak na sambit ni Mayari, hindi niya na napigilan ang nararamdaman. She feels betrayed by both Aman and Apollo. Aman stopped her hands from punching him. “Oo! Oo, sinadya ko. Para makita mo kung ga’no kawalang kwenta si Apollo, kung ga’no siya kawalang pakealam sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao. You don’t get to tell me that I’m the bad guy—you’re not the only one hurting, Mayari! The girl on that jerk's arms was mine to hold! The girl you saw with him i
Tatlong araw matapos ang pangyayari, nanatili lamang si Mayari sa loob ng kanyang kwarto habang pinaghahandaan nila ng kaibigang si Chloe ang pagpunta nilang Batanes. Ni hindi siya nagpakita sa opisina. Alas otso ng umaga, ngayon ang napag-usapan nilang araw ng pag-alis at kasalukuyan silang nasa likod ng sasakyan ng mga magulang ni Chloe papuntang airport. “You girls take care, okay? Sure ba kayo na may matutuluyan kayo ro’n?” tanong ng ina ni Chloe na nasa passenger seat at nilingon ang dalawa sa backseat ng sasakyan. “Mom, home town ‘yon ng mother ni Mayari. She has a lot of relatives there,” sagot ni Chloe. “H’wag po kayo mag-alala tita, ako pong bahala kay Chloe. Mag-iingat po kami,” nakangiting paninigurado ni Mayari sa mga magulang ng kaibigan. She’s kind of envious—to have parents that will worry about you, someone who will ask you where you are going and what time are you going home five minutes after you left. She missed being annoye
Ikalawang araw nila sa isla ay agad nilang sinulit ang bakasyon, abala sina Apollo at Chloe sa pagkuha ng litrato habang tahimik na naka-upo si Mayari sa isang tabi, hawak ang bote na may lamang sulat. “You good?” tanong ni Apollo at umupo sa tabi niya. It was eleven in the morning and the heat of the afternoon sun collides with the cold breeze from the sea. They’re looking at the sea from above the mountains, making their name “Apollo” and “Mayari” started to make sense, it almost feels like they are watching their own creations from the skies. “I really feel like the God of Sun right now,” Apollo said then looked up. “We’re talking now?” Mayari raised her eyebrows. Apollo took the bottle from her hand. “Balik tayo sa Angel’s,” he said while looking at the letter. “Do you like her?” Mayari asked “Is that your hobby? Bothering someone’s life because you like them and when they’re starting to like you back, suddenly, you’re secret