pretend to wear a smile

Dear Annie,

Uncle Kalvin came over.

It was... difficult and painful to sit through that dinner.

Dad doesn't know what happened for his own good because we don't want him to have a heart attack but Jack on the other hand has been on my tail because he doesn't think I'm doing okay.

Jack used every cell in him to refrain himself from jumping over the table and strangling uncle Kalvin.

I don't know how I feel.

It feels like it's hard to breath. It's like I'm suffocating or drowning and everything around me is caving.

I'm okay though.

- Annie

Leo read the letter he once again swapped with the old one from her locker. He had been doing this for a week now and still hadn't figured out how to talk to Annie though he wanted to.

He couldn't stop himself from reading the letters that were meant for nobody but Annie. He was filled with concern and curiosity.

He learnt that she had many secrets that were never clear enough in any of the letters for him to figure out what it was she was hiding.

He felt bad and wanted to know what was going on with her so he could help but he didn't know what he could possibly do without letting her know he knew something was up. If he did that, he would have to explain how he reads her letters without her knowing.

He had started smoking more often because he couldn't figure out how to numb the choking feeling he felt every time he read her writing.

Sometimes the letters were poems.

The other day, one simply read:

It's so much easier

to act like none of this matters

and to pretend to wear a smile

than to confess

my heart is nearly broken

He didn't know what to think or how to feel because all he wanted to do was give her a hug but he didn't even know how to talk to her.

Annie sat outside on the bleachers, writing her thoughts down on a piece of paper like always when Leo walked over, freezing when he saw her sitting there.

He went out there to smoke like he normally would do, he wasn't expecting to see her.

"Hey. Annie, right?" He asked as he stepped up and sat a few feet away from her.

She looked up ad blinked, a little confused when she first saw him and then was filled with surprise that he was speaking to her. "Yes."

She took a moment before looking down at her paper again but not having it in her to write, feeling odd to write when he was sitting near her.

Leo nodded, biting down on his lip. He felt enraged with different emotions, wanting to punch himself for not knowing what to say because he was always good with talking to girls.

"What are you writing?"

Annie looked up to him again, confused as to why he was trying to talk to her. She cleared her throat, "Nothing, just... thoughts. It's weird, just something I do." She shook her head, feeling stupid for telling him that because she knew he would think it was pathetic. But he didn't.

"Like... a journal?" He asked, not wanting to give away that he knew they were actually letters. He couldn't have her knowing that he knew the truth.

Annie shrugged, her cheeks going beat red in embarrassment. "I don't know if that's what I would call it." Her voice was quiet and soft like waves flowing. He was growing to admire her voice.

"You could tell me those thoughts." Leo spoke confidently though he was clenching his fists from the anxious feeling that was going through his whole body. "I mean, if you wanted to. If wanted someone to talk to." He wanted her to know he was there for her though she didn't understand why.

Annie looked at him, stunned. She didn't understand why he was offering kindness to her. "Oh. Um, thanks." She didn't know what to say either, she wasn't really one to talk to many people so her shyness was showing evidently.

Leo nodded, smiling softly. "Your Jack's sister, right?" He already knew the answer but wanted to make conversation still.

Annie nodded her head slowly, "I am. How do you know that?"

Leo smiled. "You guys look alike. And Jack and I are friends, I guess. Not close or anything but we talk sometimes."

Annie nodded, looking at the empty football field. "Right. Not a lot of people know that."

"Really?" Leo, again, already knew that was true but wanted to keep the conversation going and figured with her nature she probably wouldn't say anything first.

Annie nodded again, "Yeah. Our personalities are quite differential for people to see it."

Leo shrugged, "For what it's worth, I can see it. I mean, you're both nice, kind-hearted people. Jack's just... louder, I guess."

Annie chuckled softly, "More outgoing is probably a better way to explain it. And that's an understatement."

"No harm in being more of an introvert." He grinned, looking at her.

Annie smiled, her cheeks heating up once again. She couldn't help but feel anxious and nervous simply being around someone who everyone admired while she was nobody - people didn't even know she existed which she was fine with. "People wouldn't agree with that." She looked down at her paper again, feeling out of place making eye contact with him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing. He had a feeling she had reason to say that but wasn't sure what it was. He also had a strong feeling she wasn't about to tell him.

She shook her head, "Oh, nothing. Never mind."

Leo nodded and wanted to ask more but didn't, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

Annie looked at him after a minute, "I should head inside... before next class starts."

Leo nodded, "Oh, okay." He stood up, watching her shove her things away. "Well, it was nice talking to you, Annie."

Annie glanced at him and smiled sheepishly, "Thanks. Um, you too."

"See you around," he called out as she headed away, taking her by surprise. She simply smiled once more before scampering off.