chapter 4

Leo

I make it to school just in time, but I can’t squash the voice in my head. Sitting through the first period I try and concentrate on our discussion of Voltaire, normally I love this class and he is one of my favorite authors. English literature has always been an easy A for me, and reading has been my only escape from my real life. But this voice, I feel like I’m going insane.

“Can I use the bathroom?” I ask and my teacher waves me out of the room. I dash out the door and head into the bathroom, quickly checking the stalls to see if anyone else is in there. Once I know I’m alone I take off my glasses and stare at myself in the mirror. One electric green eye and one electric blue eye stared back at me. I look unnatural and I wonder if I will lose my sight like some of the doctors told me.

'They are a gift from the Goddess. Why do you cover them? You should be proud.'

There it is again. The voice. I grab my head and yell, “Stop, Stop talking!” I start to tremble as the voice continues and I can feel the heat behind my eyes start to intensify as I try to keep tears from falling. I'm terrified.

'Don't be afraid. I’m your other half. We are strong. You’ll see Leo, we are warriors.'

My breathing is going crazy and I can’t catch my breath. I know I’m losing my mind. Something is wrong with me. Like really wrong with me. I pace in the bathroom and brush the tears away that start to fall when the door flies open and Donavan is standing there with a look of satisfaction on his face; my heart drops to the floor.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the freak. What are ya doin’ in here huh?” He picks up my glasses and holds them in his hand as he gets closer. “Something wrong? Ya got something in your freak eyes?” He spins my glasses around in his left hand and pushes me with the other hand into the cold tile.

“Not today Donovan. I’m asking you to just leave me alone today okay? I’m not feeling well.” I stare at him, he is shorter than I am, but he’s a big burly guy. He plays football, practically lives in the gym, and basically runs this school. I’m not the only one he picks on, but I’m definitely his favorite. Not a day goes by where I don’t try and avoid him or his goon friends.

“Awe, you don't feel good little freak? Too bad." He pushes me again and keeps at it. "How do you like your new home in the slums downtown? That is where they put ya after your last little stunt with me, right? What are you even doing at this school?” He takes his hand and pushes my forehead so that the back of my head hits the wall.

'Do it. Punch him in his stupid fucking face and let him know who’s the strongest.'

The voice starts up again and between it yelling at me and Donovan taunting me I can barely keep it together. I push Donovan away from me and try and dart out the door when the other boys greet me and push me back in.

“You think you can just push me like that? Some loser like you can just do what you want? Maybe if you had parents they would have taught you some manners, now it looks like I have to do it.”

Two of the boys grab me from behind and pull my arms back and Donavan takes a hard swing at my face, connecting perfectly. He takes another and another as the fourth kid gut punches me. I want so badly to fight back, but I know that I’ll get kicked out of school and I only have a few more months until I graduate. I need my diploma. I can’t risk it. So I let them beat the shit out of me, and when they’re done they laugh as they leave, and I slump down to the floor, blood dripping from my mouth. Only a few minutes go by before I pull myself up and stare in the mirror.

I hate the person staring back at me.

I go to put my glasses back on but they have been cracked in half. I try and pry my eye open when Mr. Jackson comes in and I can tell he’s startled to see me.

“Leo, Jesus, what happened? Are you okay?” He quickly comes to my side and turns my face to him, looking at my injuries.

" m’okay. It’s nothin’” I say quietly.

“It’s not okay. Leo, you need to stand up for yourself. You can’t go on like this.” He pulls several sheets of paper towel from the dispenser and wets them and then dabs the blood from the corner of my eye.

“It’s gone on like this for years,” I say angrily. “You remember what happened the last time I tried to fight back? It landed me in juvi for three months and when I got out I got sent to that hell hole downtown. I need to graduate Mr. Jackson.” I look up at him and as hard as I try I can’t stop the tears of frustration that start to roll. I’ve just had enough and I can’t take anymore.

The way he looks at me just makes it worse.

“Don’t - don’t look at me like that. I don’t need your pity.” I brush the tears from my cheeks and start to leave, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back.

“Leo, you are the smartest kid in this school. You’re kind, you show restraint in the worst of situations. You make smart decisions. You have overcome so much in your life, but sometimes you have to know when to ask for a little help. It’s not pity, son. I look at you and see greatness, and It makes me sad that you don’t see it, but you let assholes like Donovan tell you what you are.”

I just shake my head and tug at a hole in the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I gotta get back to class. Do you have any tape?” I ask him, holding up both sides of my glasses.

He shakes his head and reaches into his bag. “Here, you can take mine until you get new ones.” He hands me a pair of Oakleys and pats me on the back. “Are you sure you’re okay to return to class? I can call you in for the rest of the day.”

“That will just make things worse. Maybe they’ve had enough of me today.”

The bell rings and I walk out into the sea of students hoping to get lost among them. I make it through my morning classes and then I remember that I’m supposed to meet Angie by the gym for lunch. As soon as I see her my nerves calm a bit.

“Leo, come on.” She grabs my hand and drags me through the double doors of the gym and then out the other side to the equipment room.

“Angie, what’s this all about? I'm having a really shitty day so if this is bad news can we please just skip it?” I ask as she busies herself, pulling things out of a tote bag she is carrying.

“First, lunch. My aunt made a ton of food last night for my cousin’s birthday party, so thought you might like some.” She pulls out fried chicken and mac and cheese. It looks amazing and I’m starving. “Go on, dig in.”

I don’t wait to be told twice, and I start to eat and watch her as she continues to dig through her bag.

“Here.” She slaps a folder down on the table. “This is your future.” She looks up at me and then reaches for my glasses. “Take those stupid things off. You have the most beautiful eyes, why do you hide them?”

It takes a minute before she registers my swollen face.

"Did Donavan do this? Did he?" she asks but already knows the answer. "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch myself. He has no right to lay a finger on you!"

"Please just let it go. What’s this?” I say with a mouthful as I pick up the folder. She huffs a last bit of annoyance with Donavan, but then shifts to the folders and smiles.

“College acceptance letters.” She stands there and I can see she is proud of herself. “From all over. California, Vermont, Florida, you have your pick.”

“I don’t get it.” I put the chicken down and wipe my hand on my leg before I open the folder and look at them.

Dear Leo Ellis,

Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I inform you of your acceptance to the business program at the University of Vermont.

I stop reading and flip to the next one, and the next.

“What is this, Angie?”

“Your ticket out of here. I knew you wouldn’t do it, so I applied to different schools for you. I mean not like Harvard or anything, but these schools want you!”

I put the folder down and shake my head. “I can’t afford college, Angie. I can't even afford lunch. You know this. I have enough money saved for a bus ticket and maybe the first and last month’s rent somewhere, and that’s it. You shouldn’t have gone through the trouble.

“Leo, think about it. You can get scholarships! With your grades and your background, you could probably get tons of them.”

“My background.” I scoff. “You mean play the ‘I’m a poor orphan kid’ card? I don’t think so. I’m leaving that all behind.” I grab another piece of chicken and hand the folder back to her.

“Leo, come on. Just think about it.” She stuffs the folder into my backpack and takes a small cooler and set's it down. “Dinner for tonight,” she says and shakes the cooler at me.

'I like her. She is good to us. You should do something nice to repay her.'

The voice is suddenly back.

“I have to run to the library. Just think about it okay?” She packs up her stuff and swings her backpack over her shoulder.

“What’s in the library? You don't read.” I ask with a grin, I know why she’s going. “You finally get the guts to ask Sara out? You’ve only had a thing for her for the entire year.” Angie smiles and winks at me as she leaves.

“Wish me luck!” she says and bounces out of the room.

I grab my stuff, and the cooler, and make my way to my next class a little early. It’s Friday, and that means only eleven more weeks of school left and eight more weeks until I turn eighteen. It can’t come fast enough.