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Chapter 12
The reality of what just happened hit me like a ton of bricks. Guilt engulfs my heart and a tear slips down my cheek.
“What are we doing?”
Zain’s head swivels around to me and he props himself up and studies my face.
“We are distracting you.” He says as he leans down and softly kisses the tear on my cheek.
“Am I a terrible person?”
“You have never been a terrible person. Everyone deals with grief in their own ways and in their own time.”
“I know that he wouldn’t want me miserable. That he would want me to find happiness again, but I am I betraying him and the love we had?”
“This doesn’t change your love for him. It doesn’t change what you had. You still carry him in your heart. Nothing and no one will ever change that. We do not have to go any further than this. This can all stop now, but you can’t live in your grief, Love. No more than you
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“Hey Ash, want a drink?” I look up to see Sam’s smiley face and I give her a nod. “You’re going to love the band playing tonight!” Sam said with a grin “Oh yea, where are they from?” “I found them in San Antonio and reached out. I was thrilled when they said they would make the trip to play.” Sam had worked her ass of to keep the local music scene alive. There would be two local bands playing with the out of town band. It helped get the crowds in if people they new were also playing. People were already starting to show even though it was early. “Looks like all that promoting worked. I am so proud of you Sam!” “Thanks girl. I am excited. If this is just the beginning of the night, my feet are going to be killing me by the end! Hey, so where is Zain? You to are pretty much inseparable these days.” “He will be here I am sure. You know he never misses a show. You know Sam, I don’t know how I would have made it through all of this
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“I don’t know why he keeps hanging around with her?” I slur to Sam. We are sitting at her table taking shots and passing a joint between the two of us. We had been back at her place for about 20 minutes. She lives a few blocks from the bar so instead of going home and thinking about what Zain and Hannah were doing, Sam invited me to her place to drink about it. Probably not the best way to handle the situation, but I didn’t care now. “You know why. We both know he doesn’t actually have any feelings for her.” “I know and I have never cared before.” “So why now Ash? What is it bothering you when it never has before?” “She isn’t good for him. All she is about it getting messed up and partying. She doesn’t even have a real personality. She dang near stalks him around the city on the weekends. It’s weird that he posts a photo or video of a band and within 30 minutes she shows up. Stalker much?” Sam raises her eyebrow at me as she takes anot
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“What the hell, Z. What are you doing here?” “Don’t what the hell me Ash. What the hell yourself. I was worried about you. You didn’t answer my calls.” “I didn’t get a call from you.” “Check your phone. I finally got ahold of Sam and she told me you passed out but were feeling better and heading home. Why didn’t you call me to come get you?” “You were busy, and I got myself home just fine.” I brushed past him and unlocked the door. Zan followed me in so closely I could feel the heat from his body on my back. I am going to need another drink for this. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of rum and a shot glass. “What has gotten into you tonight, Ash?” “Nothing. I am fine.” “I guess you will tell me when you are ready.” “Why are you here Zain. I thought you were parting with Hannah.” “I was worried. You sounded off.” “We were texting how did I sound off.” “You just did. You were shor
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I am woken by a banging in my head so bad I feel like crawling in a dark hole never to return. I crack my eyes and am immediately assaulted by the evil sunbeams that feel like daggers in my eyes. There is that banging again and it’s only now that I realize it is my door. Who in the hell is banging on my door at 9:00 in the morning? I think as I glance at my phone. I check the peephole before opening the door.“Good morning.”“Morning Zain, what’s going on?”He holds up two grocery bags and gives me a smile.“I brought breakfast.”I opened the door wide and let him pass. I followed him into the kitchen and watched as he began to unload the sacks. Cucumbers, watermelon, pineapple, apples, grapes and oranges covered the counter.“What in the world?”“You like fruit.”“I do like fruit. I need coffee”I made coffee while Zain began cleaning an
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My eyes popped open to darkness. I was in my bed alone, but I could hear breathing. I felt around my bed to confirm that no one was there. I shouldn’t be able to hear breathing. It wasn’t coming from me. I threw the covers off me and jumped out of bed. I crept down the hallway and could see light from the tv flickering in the living room. Strange, I know I didn’t leave it on. I paused and took in a calming breath before continuing. Something was wrong. My mind was screaming at me that this was familiar. To turn around and run. I continued forward. On the couch laid Ryan. I flipped on the light and ran to him. His skin a sickly grey. His body fighting for oxygen. I ran to him and knelt beside him. I rubbed my fist on his chest and called his name. “Ryan, please baby wake up. Talk to me. RYAN!!! I shook him as tears spilled down my face. “Please, please wake up. Please don’t leave me.”“Ashton! It’s okay, I am here.”
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I stumbled my way into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. My eyes ache at all the crying that happened yesterday. Zain walked into the kitchen. I pulled out to coffee cups and poured us each of the dark liquid gold.“How are you feeling this morning?”“Better. Thank you for staying. Thank you for taking care of me.”“You don’t have to thank me.”“You are not tired of the sobby girl?”“He was my friend too, Ash. While I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through, I am grieving as well.”“I am sorry I have not really acknowledged that. I have just been so overwhelmed by my own grief, there wasn’t really any room for anyone else’s.”“Never apologies to me for that. I am okay and I am here for you. This is about you and getting you through this.”“Sometimes I feel like I am going to drown in it.”
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We were seated at a table tucked off by ourselves. The lunch crowd had already thinned out, so we had a small bit of privacy. The waitress was friendly and had already brought our drinks and taken our order. “How’s work?” I asked knowing he would give a generic answer. He never talks about work and is good at separating work and life. “It’s work, not bad.” He replies. His phone buzzes on the table and he glances at it quickly types out a response and sets his phone back down. I am used to him always chatting away with someone. “Is it important? Do you need to take a call or..” “No, it’s fine, Love. I apologies you will have my full attention from here out.” “Okay Zain, what’s up? Why lunch today?” “I wanted us to talk. Have you been doing your research?” “I have.” “Have I scared you off?” “No, it is a lot to process and I have about a million questions.” “Well, I am here to answer all of your que
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