Chapter 14 Nerves

Colt’s POV

I don’t remember the last time I’ve been this nervous. I wasn’t even this nervous when I asked Belle to be my wife… Maybe that’s saying something. But I don’t feel like psychoanalyzing myself right now. I need to get my nerves under control.

I shouldn’t be nervous! This is just going out to a club and relaxing after the disaster of a weekend. I need something to make me forget coming home and find my wife with my best friend. And it looked like Rory could really use a break too! It shouldn’t be that big of a deal! We are just two new friends spending time with each other!

And yet it still feels like a big deal. It feels like this will change everything. I really don’t want to think about it too much, or I may change my mind about this whole thing and hate myself forever.

I’ve been texting Rory all day long because I can’t seem to stop myself from checking in on her. I was so happy she agreed to go out to lunch with me. It wasn’t something I planned on doing. All of a sudden, I realized it was lunch time and I wondered if she’d already had lunch… And I figured if she hadn’t I’d like to join her. It was completely spontaneous, which I haven’t done in… years!

I’m so glad she did. I feel like we got closer with our short time together. What she told me… I ached for her. There wasn’t anything I could do to make it right, but I wanted her to know I was there for her.

None of what happened to her was her fault, and yet I could tell it weighed heavily on her shoulders. Like somehow she wasn’t good enough. Like she was ashamed of herself when she shouldn’t be. She was abused, hurt and ditched like dirty laundry, and she deserves so much more than that.

Belle never wanted to get pregnant. She didn’t want kids at all… I guess she was too busy with her own life to take care of a child. Not that I disagree, she would not be a good mother. My wife is a selfish bitch and wouldn’t care about her child’s needs over her own… I’m glad we never had a child together. I wouldn’t want to put a child through that.

But that never meant I didn’t want to be a father, I just didn’t want to have a child with her… Actually, I never thought about it before, but now I know why we didn’t seem to fit right. We both have different priorities. However, I never thought about what it would do to a person who lost a child, even one who wasn’t born yet. She was already bonding with her baby when it was stolen from her.

The fact that she told me when she barely knows me… I was in awe. I still am. She is so strong and I just wanted to show her how much I admire her. I guess that was what Nash wanted. Sneaky bastard.

But the way her eyes lit up when he handed her the dress… It felt like the first ray of sunshine after a long winter storm. I don’t know when I felt so happy giving a gift to someone. And it wasn’t even that big of a deal, but she was thrilled!

I’ve given Belle countless gifts, jewelry, dresses, perfumes… But none of them made me as happy as this one dress and a pair of shoes.

Now I’m standing in front of her door with sweaty hands, shaky from nerves. Why the hell am I acting like a freaking teenager? I'm 25 dammit! I was married for two years... It's not like I don't know how to do this!

My whole body is trembling in nervous anticipation… I just need to knock.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? It’s just a door with a girl behind it. I still don’t know why the hell I’m this nervous. It’s not like we are dating. I’m still technically married… I just thought… Well, maybe we could both use the night out. Hell knows I haven’t been out in ages. I just want to spend some time with someone who hasn’t screwed me over, and have a fun night. I’m not even planning on doing anything other than dancing!

“Okay, you can do this. It’s not that big of a deal! Just knock, dammit!” I give myself a brief pep talk, then grit my teeth and swallow the lie I told myself. I don’t want to think about it, though. I’ll overthink everything later.

Then I knock.