Shock

*JAMIRA*

I needed some time alone, so I stayed in the house Chris and I shared for the next two days. During that time, I engaged in a lot of self-reflection and half-hearted soul-searching. It was only two days, but I finally came up with a solution: I needed to walk away from Chris. Everything was becoming overwhelming too quickly.

I was stressed and constantly switching between people. Emotionally, I was drained, and mentally, I had checked out. I couldn’t continue this rollercoaster ride with him. I still loved him, but I didn’t think things would ever improve.

Besides, we’ve been cheating for far too long to even consider fixing things.

By the third day, I was heading back to Ayana’s house. I reached for the door handle and opened it to find Eric on the other side.

Stunned, I just stood there. He walked past me and sat on the couch, looking back at me with a grin on his face.

“Come here and sit with me.”

“Eric, what are you doing here?”

“Let’s talk.”

“About what?”

“Jamira, come here.”

I don’t know what it was, but my body always betrayed me for this man. He was magnetic.

I went to him as he sat me on his lap, facing him. He pulled me into a kiss that felt like he’d been longing to do that for a while. It wasn’t rushed or horny; it was pure and gentle, just like he usually is with me. It didn’t leave me panting out of breath, but rather gave me a sense of reassurance I never thought I needed.

He took my face in his hands and gently rubbed it with his thumbs. His smoky gray eyes met mine with the same warmth that a child or a puppy has when they’re trying to plead their case to you. The one look they have right before they start to whine.

“Jamira, I want you.”

“You have me.”

“No, Jamira. I’m falling in love with you, and I don’t know how long I can keep playing this game with you.”

“What game, Eric?” I asked, confused.

“I knew I wanted you the day I laid eyes on you, and I’ve never seen anyone else like I’ve seen you.”

“Eric, what game are you playing?”

“The one where you make me all excited and into you, then ghost me, and then come back to do it all over again.”

I tried to protest, but I couldn’t. Partly because maybe he had a point. The rest was because I had to suppress whatever was trying to come up. I rushed to the bathroom once again, making it just in time to vomit.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know, I keep doing that randomly.”

“I think you should see a doctor. It could be serious.”

“No, I’m fine. I probably just ate something that didn’t agree with me.”

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. He had just said he loved me.

“Wait, did you just say you love me?”

“I do, and it’s okay if you’re not ready yet, but I thought you should know where I stand.”

“Are you just saying that because you want to have sex?”

I playfully smiled at him.

“No, we’re not having sex. Although I’m not going to turn it down either.”

It’s safe to say we did have sex. I don’t know what it is about Eric, but he has a way of calling to my body that no other man could. It’s like he whispers to it, and it follows his every command. It’s an experience like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

I got up to clean myself and was instantly pulled back.

“Why don’t you just lie with me?”

I didn’t say anything and simply laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around me, and I instantly felt safe. We decided to let silence fill the room. It was calm and peaceful.

Eventually, he left, and I went back to Ayana’s house.

“Damn girl, where have you been?”

“It’s a lot you’re going to want to sit down for this.”

I caught up with Ayana on everything from the last day I was here until now. She went through so many different emotions that it felt like she was there with me.

“So, what happens when Chris comes home?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve decided I want to end things with him.”

“About damn time. I would’ve done that the very day I discovered he was cheating with my so-called friend.”

“True, I simply didn’t want to do it on his sickbed. Isn’t that cruel?”

“Girl, fuck him. He didn’t care when it was you, so why should you care now?”

I couldn’t deny that. I shouldn’t care if all he had shown me was that he didn’t.

That night was another restless one. I ran to the bathroom again to vomit. This time, Ayana was awake and heard me. She didn’t say much, but she did give me a side-eye. I assured her that I was fine.

The next few days passed uneventfully.

I had been talking to Eric more often to prevent him from being overly dramatic about the situation. I even visited the hospital to sit with Chris. Somehow, just knowing what had happened made me feel guilty, even though I had nothing to do with it.

We talked, laughed, and simply enjoyed each other’s company. It felt like it did before we were together—like when we were just friends in class. I had missed this version of him.