Misplaced Emotions

*ERIC*

It’s been three weeks since the incident with Jamira. The images of her back, neck, and arms are permanently etched in my mind. I can vividly recall how she appeared in my front seat, her face filled with terror as if she feared he’d return and harm her if she spoke up. I knew I had to take action.

My therapist criticizes me for being too intense and impulsive. I dismiss her advice because I don’t understand her perspective. She suggested that I step back and stop taking on other people’s problems as if they were my own. But to me, that’s love. How else can you express your care than by helping to make their lives easier? It’s my love language: acts of service.

I wanted to be there for Jamira, to be her protector and create a safe space for her. However, I couldn’t comprehend why she hadn’t left him like I had stated. It was more of a suggestion than a command.

After work that day, I returned home to get dressed in all black and put on my ski mask. I had taken a metal bat from my closet on my way out.

I called Walt and asked him to pick me up and take me to the shop. I left my phone at home.

When we arrived at the shop, I instructed Walt to drop me off about a half-mile away and to keep the truck running so that we could leave without any issues. I also informed him that I had left my phone at home, so he needed to be vigilant.

Once I got out, I stealthily entered the trees that surrounded the building. As soon as I spotted an opening, I sprinted up and slid against the wall in the shadows. Once I reached the corner, I stopped. He had just reached halfway to his car when I pulled down my mask and struck.

CLINK. The sound of metal striking his skull. He fell to the ground. He attempted to fight back, but his movements were too slow. I punched him, ensuring he remained defenseless. Then, I stomped on him relentlessly until I was certain he couldn’t rise. As soon as he began choking on his own blood, I fled into the darkness and returned to where I had left Walt. I hopped into the truck and threw the bat into the back while he drove away.

Upon returning home, I took a shower, changed into sweatpants, and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

I wasn’t proud of what I had done. It wasn’t something I should have done, but it had to be done. It was like an eye for an eye. If you were going to touch a woman, especially mine, then be prepared to have your ass stomped in. Simple.

Perhaps my therapist was right. I am impulsive.

The condo was eerily quiet and still. It had been a while since I had had the chance to lie here and let my thoughts flow freely. I had missed these moments.

I realized I was more exhausted than I had thought because I couldn’t recall falling asleep. That is until a loud banging on the door jolted me awake hours later. I couldn’t reach the door quickly enough. I opened it, and to my surprise, it was Jamira.

We hadn’t discussed seeing each other, so I was taken aback when she appeared at my door.

I assumed she wanted to see me and relax. However, she simply barged in and pushed me off when I tried to please her. I knew she meant business.

I couldn’t comprehend how she had connected the dots so quickly. She had to know I had done it for her. I had taken care of him for her. When she said that I hurt people as if I were some monster roaming the streets, taking people out, it hit home. She said that was why we couldn’t be together. I ended up telling her to leave because I couldn’t handle such a heavy conversation anymore. I was hurt.

As I continued smoking, Kacie entered the room and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“That’s Kayla’s teacher, isn’t it?”

“Fuck off, Kace.”

“Talk to me, E. What’s going on?”

I bit my lip for a moment, then pulled from my cigarette and pondered what to say. My heart ached as I thought about it.

“It… it’s just that why can’t she see that I want to be with her?”

“Have you told her?”

“I just did. She rejected me.”

“Maybe she’s dealing with a lot, E. Just give her some time.”

Time… that’s all it’s ever been. This felt like some sick joke being played on me, and everyone else is in on it except for me. It’s like life handed me something I can’t seem to grasp.

I didn’t know how to feel, so I changed the subject.

“Kacie, why won’t you give Walt a chance?”

“You said he’s off-limits, and he’s practically part of the family.”

“Maybe you should give him a shot,” I said, pushing her out of my room. Before she could respond, I closed the door behind her.

I wanted to be alone. I needed to think and figure out my approach to the situation.