Pinning down the results I just got from Doctor Fabian on my crazy wall.
I run through different cards pinned on the road map of my plan.Double checking, when my phone rings, I walk up to the kitchen to pick it up. “How did you find out?”My mom’s voice shouts on the other side with frustration creeping into the voice.Ugh. Back at it again.I have learned firsthand the hard way about bad parenting from her.Observing all the mothers I know closely. I wonder why I was so unlucky. She is a nightmare.I haven’t seen or heard of a mother like her.Whenever I get a phone call from her. I am guaranteed that anything she has to say to me means harm than good.Making sure she is the first one to hurt me more first.Before, the rest of the world joined in with her to slap me in the face.All her phone calls remind me and are continuations of the torture from that day five years ago.She was the first to call me with the same frustrated voice.Revealing to me with no concern for me at all. That my then Fiancé married another instead of me, on what I thought was our wedding day.It was never my wedding day. It was his.I am not a patient person. I better get done with what she has to say. “Find out about what?”“That your sister was pregnant?” She sighs in frustration and continues speaking.“You know, your sister never wanted to hurt you.”Tears threaten to come out of my eyes.Perfect timing.Anita. My only older sister knocks me out again.She goes first again to get everything I want so badly. I've always wanted to be a mother.I thought I had the right person. Death will do us a part person.Growing up with him since we were toddlers. Falling madly in love with him in our teen years.And thinking that we were a perfect match. We planned together on starting a family to having kids.And I never thought I would be single at this age.Struggling to achieve at least part of that dream has become a nightmare for me for the past five years.But I won't give up on my plan. “So, what are you trying to say, mama?”“What you are trying to do is not good. It doesn’t look good for our family image. Let her shine alone for once.“Why does everything have to be about you? It’s her time.“She has struggled in her marriage for five years with getting pregnant. You can’t be doing this to her.”I CAN’T BE DOING THIS TO HER?!Or isn't it my mother that shouldn’t be doing this to me?Why did she have me if she only could give love to my sister alone?In which world does my trying to get my child without waiting for my sister? Bring a bad image to my family?She should be happy for me, on the contrary.I can’t take it anymore. Tears already streamed down my face with more anger, fueled by the memories loading in my mind.Walking to the church that day to the eyes of a full church, they were all avoiding direct eye contact with me, as though they knew something I didn’t know.And everyone was hiding it from me. Standing at the altar nervously holding it in as I waited for six hours.Meanwhile, watching everyone leave until they left me all alone.With tears dripping through the veil to the ground.Not being able to reach anyone on the phone.They sent all my calls to my mother and fiancé to voice mails.I kept on nonstop dialing, hoping whatever I felt was going on was not true and they would show up.Neither was my mother, who should have been by my side on such an important day.Nor my fiancé, who was missing out on his day, could be reached.“You did not go to see Doctor Fabian to get ready for pregnancy, did you?“I am sure you went there to spite her and stress her.”Why must anything that means to hurt me forever be fueled by my mother?Why doesn’t she realize she is hurting me with her words and her actions?Raising my eyes to my wall watch. It hasn’t been fifteen minutes since I left Doctor Fabian's office,But she is in the front row of the gossip spreading what I went to discuss with Doctor Fabian.I am sure she will be part of making the gossip reflect on me as the villain in the story.My mother.She has never once in my whole life seen any mistake. My sister, Anita, has done to hurt me intentionally.I will always come up short of her expectations.While Anita gets her support in everything. Even the evilest acts no one expects from a sibling.Anita is a hundred percent sure she has Mama's support always.My mother turned my sister into that horrible person.A person who believes everything in this world belongs to her if she has an interest in it.She doesn’t care who will be hurt in the process on her way to get what she wants. I can’t really blame her.My mother set up the ground floor for that behavior that has become part of her, as if it is her skin.It’s not about Anita getting pregnant that is hurting me.No… On the contrary, I am utterly happy for her, and I wish her all the best.Probably this might be a way to Anita’s redemption for being selfish.Bringing out the best in her as she goes through being a mother.“Why can't you stop liking him?” My mother doesn’t disappoint as she continues throwing in more arrows that hit my heart and bring back the memories I am dying to bury.Even if we went to war and I was battling the worst like my conniving ex-fiancé or strangers, anyone in the entire world, my mother will never choose to be on my side.I lost the mother-daughter's love and respect a long time ago.But never had the guts to cut her off completely.My mother left me at the altar all alone to support the worst betrayal from my blood sister and my fiance.My sister and my conniving ex-boyfriend, Erede, took off to another city, to have their wedding on the day of my wedding with Erede.Leaving me behind like a fool in front of the whole town that already knew what was going on.“I'm sorry, mama.” with a whispering voice I cut her off, hoping our conversation ends here.Tears still are streaming down my face.My fertility card on the board cuts through my thoughts, fueling my determination. Giving me hope as I disconnect my phone and my thoughts from my mother and walked back to my plan.Luciano is one hell of a narcist. In between all this, he still knows where to get me. He pulls me, then brings his lips to mine. Kissing me tenderly and eagerly that I almost forget everything, but I am reminded it is my body reacting to a lie. It’s all a lie. We found the feelings in lies.“Please stop this…. please…”I push him away from me and continue to sob loudly. It hurts so much. It hurts more to think he could be capable of hurting me like this.“Look at me… Tell me you do not feel this connection I am feeling. Please tell me I am not making this up. I have fallen madly in love with you, Keirah. Talk to me. I want to know Keirah. What does all this mean to you?” “If I tell you. Will that change anything.?” “Talk to me. Make it make sense. I do not understand.” “I do not have any feelings for you. I never did. All I have felt for you is pity.” “Do you accept me to believe that?” “It is fine by me. Whatever you believe sounds okay.” He tries to walk to me, and I halt his
Tears are flying down my face. Hurt, pain, and disappointment are all eating me up. The Mafia wants to get hold of these biochips. I was sacred of the doctors getting hold of them. What about the Mafia? This is very bad. It was all the plan since day one to give them the prototype for the biochips. But how naïve of me. I gave them more. I gave them my heart. What did I do so wrong? That I am always falling deeply in love with the men who don’t just break me. But kill me inside. Destroy every hope of my heart getting better.I cry out loud and I shiver as I sob. It feels too cold in the jacuzzi. I stand up, out of the jacuzzi and pick up a towel and wrap it around my body. My head still trying to wrap out why he would do this to me. “Was this all part of your deal with your uncle? Sleep with me and trick me to make me do what you want? “He trusted his nephew. A murderer…. and you are doing great. Have you told him I almost escaped? I almost succeeded that day. “You should thank th
In the wee hours of the morning. When I try to stand up, my legs feel jelly and I give up on standing. I lie still on the bed rewinding the day and what the hell just happened now? My mind is all back. Whatever happened yesterday was an in-the-moment thing, but the reality of all of it is back. I should not have slept with Luciano with all this going on. My plan to get someone in my pants worked. But it has gone sideways because I am in love again and this time around with this man lying beside me in bed. I have brought another heartbreak and pain to my heart once again. Maybe I should have been honest from the start and we would not have been in the state. I am also blaming myself for having sex without telling Luciano the whole truth that made me come to Casablanca. That I came all the way to get myself pregnant by deceit. And by the way, I have fallen for him. I want to assure him the plan was no longer what I wanted if I had him by my side.I now know what I have wanted all
And his voice drives me crazy in a good way. “I will take the clothes off. Just go on and close the door.” I throw off the clothes. My body is burning with heat for him. I want it. I have wanted him to fuck me forever. I throw myself on the bed. He closes the curtains and makes sure the door is closed. His gaze is down at me and now, after a few seconds, his eyes look completely different. He stands up and sheds his clothes before picking me out of the bed. His lips lock on mine and kiss me tenderly. He places my back onto the bed gently with his thumb on my lips, pressing his gaping mouth on mine while his hands work down to my breasts. He then locks our tongues together again and we both moan more. Making love to me makes my mind go blank. Moaning softly. My juices are dripping down my thighs. I put one hand on my clitoris, simulating it while another hand works with him up my breast. Playing around our body with foreplay for sometimes teasing our body. Wanting to build the pre
The thought of me wanting to save him and not kill me. Makes fear travel to my spine. I still let him hold on to me tight, helping him keep his head above water as I swim towards the riverbank. I did not believe him when he said he did not know how to swim. I help him out of the water and plead for him to forgive me. “I am so sorry. I should have listened when you told me you could not swim.” “Is that even a sincere apology? You almost killed me.” “Yes, I am sorry.”James walks up to us and hands Luciano a towel. Leaving us behind as if he did not want to intervene, Luciano takes the towel and walks away from me. Cursing as he dries his hair in a towel. I feel hurt. He did not need to curse me. I was wrong and did not know he could not swim. He is the one who said I don’t forgive easily. What is he doing to me now, after I sincerely apologized? He is human, Keirah... He is human. I would fume too if I was in his situation. I join Zia and James, who have invested their eyes on u
“I hated the world for taking away the only person who meant everything to me. She had no dreams except to get us out. It was so unfair, and I felt lost. That's what led me to choose wrong. “That's when it all started for me, turning into the dark. Turning into what I should not have turned into. I killed many people who handled her death, thinking it would take away some of this feeling of hurt. “But I still feel it every day. I thought If I revenged her. It would go away. But it never did. However, many people were killed. I still felt the pain of her loss grow every day.” Who is the woman? Is she the woman he is still in love with? Does he have an Erede in his life too? I haven’t heard him speak of a woman with so much love like this. He still loves her. He is madly in love with a dead woman.“I did that for a few years. I do not do it anymore, Keirah. I do not kill people for revenge except to protect myself. This gun here is to protect us. “When I reached the bottom. I felt m