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chapter 23
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Lovers In Disguise chapter 24
I know she doesn't really want me to do that, but I appreciate her attempt. I still try to come up withsomething better, but after a moment decide to for once heed her words, verbatim.“I just hate how you all are able to just forget what Jazz has done, while you shove all the blame atme.”“No one does that.”I glare at her. “Yeah, right. Ever listened to yourself?” My words clearly hurt her, but I quickly go onbefore she can respond.“But it's not just you, have you listened to Alice of late? She's behaving as if we were mereacquaintances and not friends of over a decade. Whatever I do is wrong, whatever I say is frownedupon, while you both fall over yourselves to fawn over this jackass who doesn't deserve yourforgiveness!I won't say I haven't earned my share of scorn, but seriously, do you even realize how much yourbehavior hurts me?”It feels oddly good to voice the words, even though I know that in so doing I'm hurting her in turn. Theonly indication that my
Lovers In Disguise chapter 25
“You actually told me you were happy I stopped moping after that Saturday at Beth's. That you wereglad I was done with being so emo. And now you complain that I took your words to heart?”“I didn't mean it like that! Yes, I admit it, having you lurk around and sulk for two weeks was hell!But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to tell me when something is bothering you!”Silence falls, and it's nearly awkward. We both are at a loss for words, and I'd rather roll over andsleep now than continue this. But of course, Bella being Bella, she has other plans.“Then tell me now? Maybe I understand why you don't even try to mend your friendship with Jazzagain when I see the whole picture.” Her voice is calm but her eyes are pleading with me, and onething I can never do, and that is refuse her anything she asks for. I sigh heavily, then pat the couch nextto me and she quickly climbs over the back rest and sinks into the plush cushions.Again I don't know where to start, and
Lovers In Disguise chapter 26
I have to wake up a lot sooner than I want to, which is no surprise as I only got into bed again fivehours ago. Bella is moderately chipper this morning but trying not to be too obnoxious about it. Iguess she feels like our talk last night has been some kind of important break through or something.Maybe she's right, I can't say.What I am is raw. I'm still feeling vulnerable, exposed, and that makes me edgy. I know it's stupidbecause Bella is the one person in my life I know I can trust with almost everything, and she's morethan just accepting, but that doesn't change that I don't want to be weak.The air between us is a little tense as if we're both stepping lightly around each other, trying to makesure not to unsettle the balance. There are several things I want to ask her, like what she thinks aboutmy decision to try to simply avoid Jasper, but I'm not sure if now is the time for further discussions. Iknow the question will upset her, and I think she needs a littl
Lovers In Disguise chapter 27
"Is it too much to ask that she at least sees what she, and almost everyone else, is doing to me?"I know I sound whiny when I say that, but the damage is done. Rose is quiet for a few moments as ifshe is debating with herself what to tell me, and when she talks again she's no longer taunting me."I think she really didn't see it. You know how Bella wants to live in her perfect world where you canbe the love of her life and Jazz her best friend.Don't hold it against her that she'd rather be a little ignorant than tear herself apart because she can'tdo miracles. But now you opened her eyes and I'm sure she will consider her actions better from nowon. She loves you, and I'm sure she really meant it that she'd always choose you over him. Isn't thatenough for you?"Thinking about her words, I come to the usual conclusion that Rose should have gone into psychologyrather than photography, but then she'd probably drive half of her clients to commit suicide with herinsensit
Lovers In Disguise chapter 28
Life resumes. Not as I have planned before last weekend, but as usual, the world doesn't stop turningjust because I feel like I should really get my head checked.Any ideas that Bella and I have discussed before are moot, at least for the time being. She's prettybusy throughout the whole week, as am I, and we don't really feel like doing either of the two sceneswe've been talking about. I can tell that she thinks I'm too emotionally unstable as it is so she doesn'twant to make me feel even more vulnerable by subbing to her, and I honestly prefer to spend whattime we have snuggled up rather than exerting ourselves in the playroom. It doesn't happen often thatmy taste goes for vanilla over kink, but the fact that Bella doesn't seem to mind is balm on my torturedsoul. For all her still present insecurity that her more limited interests aren't the best match for mineit's good to see that vice versa she's not just with me because I'm willing to tie her up and spank herso
Lovers In Disguise chapter 29
The rational part of me is convinced that Jazz will hold his tongue, but the very same rational partnever saw anything coming that the conniving ass dumped on me, so I choose not to listen to it. Tryingto act as unconcerned as possible, I walk over to the sink and start running hot water to clean thedishes, hoping that no good Samaritan will join me so I can eavesdrop in peace.For a while Charlie and Jazz are chatting about things of only moderate interest to me – a few curiouscases the Forks PD has had over the summer, how Jasper is coping with some recent changes at work,how things are going with Alice. I'm a little taken aback how little I really care about that last topic,as I've always felt like the protective older brother with Alice, but apparently that has changed, too,with all the other things. Slowly I'm running out of dishes and I consider cutting some bread instead,but then Charlie finally asks the question, and I have to control my urge to put down my wo
Lovers In Disguise chapter 30
Charlie only offers a grunt while he looks sheepish, then steers the conversation back to baseballbefore it can get any more awkward. I have to admit, I don't have the same kind of faith in myself thatJazz seems to have, but I can't help feel a little relieved.Yet as the afternoon turns into evening, the very same words start to haunt me, and Bella's concernedlooks tell me I'm doing a bad job trying to appear all happy and normal. It's not like anyone is payingme much attention, with it being her day, as much as she seems to squirm through everyone handingover their gifts.She is positively speechless when she opens the envelope I hand her, containing my official present -the other one still resting in its box upstairs under the bed – and I get some approving smiles fromboth her and my parents at the weekend getaway at a remote resort I've organized, date to be chosenby my dearest herself. The fact that I can't do wrong in her eyes only adds to the disturbed feeling
Lovers In Disguise chapter 31
quick rub-down later the cool marble slab is ready for my devious plan.Then I follow Bella upstairs, already unbuttoning my shirt on the way up.The socks follow, but I keep my jeans on. Not my first choice of playtime clothes, but I don't want tokeep her waiting when she's done showering.While I snatch up all the utensils from the playroom and deposit them on the floor in the kitchen I tryto remember what exactly we agreed on when we were planning this scene together. As I don't thinkanything I want to do will trigger real unease or even fear I decide to wing it, probably not the bestidea, but the only one I can come up with on such short notice.After all, there are just two things I want to achieve. One, for her to burn off most of the frustrationcausing all those frowns and worried looks she thinks I never notice. Two, for me to finally get it intomy head that I am someone who can be trusted. Bella's always been my salvation, somehow it's fittingthat I let her
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