Chapter 4

Juno must have thought it was an invitation for a date. Seeing how she dressed up for the first time since I met her made the guilt in my chest tripled. Her face was glowing. The dress hugged her body beautifully. And the way she walks in those high heels made her looked like a supermodel.

I looked away from her and bit my lower lip guiltily. She’s been extremely silent since she entered my car, unlike before wherein she already got a story to tell and a joke to present. I could even taste the air of awkwardness suffocating the two of us.

The music was my way to give her a hint. But instead, I ended up looking like a tasteless motherfucker in her eyes. How else am I gonna tell her that we can’t date ‘cause one of us isn’t straight? I don’t want to embarrass myself, or casually spread my secret when I couldn’t even tell my own father about it.

“I’m sorry…” I looked away and apologized as I couldn’t stand the hurt in her eyes.

Please don’t cry, please don’t cry - I silently chanted in my head. I don’t want to be left with no choice but to tell her. I’ve learned to treasure Juno despite the short amount of time we’ve spend together. She’s fun to be with and there’s never a dull moment with her. She’s very fragile and soft, and it made me want to protect her. And seeing her like this makes me feel like an asshole.

Where did I go wrong? How did she develop a romantic feeling towards me? Was I being unaware of my actions? Did she think I have some hidden motives whenever I’m helping her out? Or when I’m being extra affectionate when we’re hanging out? Was it my fault?

I thought she’ll let it slip away. I thought she’ll be sport enough about my rejection and she’ll never question it. But when she asked why… that’s when I realized I’m doomed.

“Are you…” I gulped when her eyes narrowed at me. “…in love with someone else?” she continued.

I awkwardly laughed at her question. Not exactly in love, but I have so many crushes in school that you wouldn’t be able to count it with your fingers and toes combined. If only they weren’t all boys, I would’ve voiced it out to her.

“Is… is that it? Am I correct? You like someone else?” Juno’s eyes turned darker, as if the hope inside her has been completely washed out.

I quickly shook my head. But then, realized that it would’ve been a perfect excuse. “Y-yes! Yes… I already like someone.”

“Oh…” she leaned back on her seat, lips shut on a thin line. Though, I noticed how her lower lips trembled a bit. Her fingers were also fumbling anxiously on the table. Juno locked eyes with me then smiled.

“Does she know? Are you courting her?”

Her…

I frowned and shook my head.

“Great! So you’re single?”

Does this girl ever run out of question? Like I would hang out with her if I have a boyfriend…

“Uh… yes?”

Yes. I’m single, and not by choice. I’m just very unfortunate ‘cause it seems like God doesn’t have any plan to give me a lover any time soon. Well I guess… until I’m ready to tell the world about my sexual preference.

“Perfect!” In an instant, the vanishing hope in her eyes lit up again. “I’m courting you.”

“W-what…”

I gaped at her while she continued smiling at me, as if what she just said isn’t the most absurd thing I’ve heard in years.

“You hear me, Seph. Until you’re single, I have a chance.”

The waiter arrived to serve us our food. Juno winked naughtily at the man which earned a glare from me. I saw how the waiter nervously gulped before averting his gaze and stepping away from us.

“These sushis look so yummy.” Juno excitedly grabbed a chopstick to have a taste.

“Look… whatever you’re planning, it’s not gonna work-“

She moaned loudly while munching on the food. I nearly slapped a hand over my face. She’s purposely dodging my words!

“Juno…”

“Eat, Jupiter.” She winked at me before shoving another roll in her mouth. I let out a long frustrated sigh.

“It’s Seph…”

I couldn’t feel my appetite anymore but I still grabbed my chopstick to join the feast.

“Alrighty, babe.”

“Juno!”

“What?” She laughingly winked for the second time. “Hey, answer all my questions. Truthfully.”

A deep frown appeared on my face. “No.”

“Come on! Don’t make this date even more boring.”

“Date?” I humorlessly laughed at her. “You must have lost your mind.”

“How do you feel about my confession? The letter? What do you think?”

I rolled my eyes and groaned in irritation. “Lovely envelope-“

“What’s your favorite color?”

I gaped at her. “Are you being serious right now?”

Juno shrugged. “I want to get to know you more. And since I’m courting you, I need to know the basics about you so I can leave a great impression! And eventually… capture your heart.”

“You are not courting me.”

“Yes I am!” She then pointed at the plate of tempura in front of me using her chopstick. “Hey, that looks yummy. Are you eating that?”

I pulled the plate closer to me. “Yes, I am.”

“Whatever.”

“Look, Juno… you’re only gonna waste your time on me. I promise you, whatever you’re thinking… it’s not gonna work on me. Nobody has yet to succeed.”

Did you all think I didn’t try? I didn’t choose to be like this. The first time I felt something weird about myself, I tried so hard to resist it. I tried so hard to avert my attention on the girls around me because I got so scared of my own feelings. I thought I was abnormal. I thought I was losing my mind.

Juno sarcastically scoffed. “You love her that much, huh?”

I sighed once again. “You don’t understand.”

“This girl… who is she? Do I know her? From our school, perhaps?”

I shook my head.

“A childhood sweetheart?” She let out a dry laugh. “Like the usual clichés? Damn, I don’t think I’m gonna win over a childhood friend who’s been there with you since diaper days. That’ll be a tough battle for me.”

I remained silent.

“But come to think of it… that girl probably doesn’t like you ‘cause if she does, why are you still single and not making out with her? Not so tough battle after all, huh?”

“You’re out of your mind.”

“Give me three dates. I’ll prove myself worthy of a chance.”

“Juno, please…”

Silence engulfed us two. We remained that way until we finished our food… and until we got back inside my car.

“Juno-“

“Shut up, Jupiter! I’ve already made up my mind.”

I got slightly taken aback at the sudden raise of her voice. Juno defensively crossed her arms.

“It’s better to try than not at all. Who knows what will happen, right? Maybe I can-“

“I’m gay, okay?! I’m gay. No matter what stunt you pull against me, it’s not gonna work ‘cause I don’t feel any attraction in your specie! I’m gay! Not straight. Not compatible!” There… I said it. I risked my image and dignity.

My grip tightened on the steering wheel as I watched her guffawed beside me.

“You find this funny, huh? You think my sexuality is a joke? I knew it… I shouldn’t have told you-“

“Seriously, Acosta? You need to try harder.”

I looked at her, baffled by her reaction.

“Come up with something believable next time, huh? I don’t care how much you dislike my presence, I’m courting you.”

“My God…” I grunted in so much frustration. This girl will kill me in so much stress! What else do I have to do to stop her from this madness!

“I’m not kidding! I said I’m gay!”

“And pigs can fly,” she rolled her eyes before tucking herself under the seatbelt. “Let’s go? Do you wanna go somewhere else or shall we head home?”

She’s really not taking me seriously…

I opened the compartment of my car and showed her some stuff that might convince her.

“There! You see these things?”

I was keeping some girly stuff in there for a long time now. Make ups, a disheveled wig, and more pinks…

“Uh… your twin sister left her stuffs in your car?”

“For fuck’s sake!”

Juno looked so startled with my sudden outburst. Even I, myself, was slightly shocked with my own action. Never did I once raise my voice at anyone! Never.

Guilt suddenly struck me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”

Juno smirked. “As I’ve said, you need to try harder. How are you gonna convince me that you’re gay, huh, Jupiter? You growl like an alpha wolf.”