Dinner

Dinner is too normal.

That's what makes it unbearable.

Jokes. Gisting. Laughing.

Nothing abnormal is happening.

Nothing I can point out to say is the reason I feel how I feel. 

Chloe talks . Her mom laughs. Plates clink softly.

Sebestian makes a sarcastic comment about something trivial. He's the social and funny one.

Lucien barely speaks. He's the quiet one. I barely hear his voice, but the one time I heard his voice, water came rushing down my legs like a flooded pool.

Davien listens more than he speaks, like he always does. He's the calculative one.

And I sit there pretending my pulse isn't too loud for my ears. I could literally hear my heartbeat.

I feel so uncomfortable. My belly hurts really bad. I want to stop eating right now because I feel constipated but I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want all eyes on me. Especially those cute yet dark eyes.

I focus on my plate. My head down the entire time. My hands curled around my spoon so firmly, I could feel my hands sweat.

I don't want to look up because across from me are men who I have wet dreams about almost every single day. Who makes my thighs clench without having to say a word. Who makes me wet without coming close to me. Who makes me orgasm without having to touch me.

No. I can't risk having an orgasm right in front of them, my best friend and their mom. So I prefer looking down on my plate for as long as possible until the dinner comes to an end.

Halfway through the dinner, I risk a glance up and immediately catch Lucien staring at me. 

Not boldly.

Not openly.

Just… watching.

His expression doesn't change when our eyes meet. 

He doesn't smile. He doesn't look away immediately either.

He just looks at me for a slow second without saying anything.

One.

Two.

Then he reaches for his glass, took a sip out of it and continues eating like nothing happened.

Like he didn't just make my heart skip a beat.

Like he didn't make my whole body freeze.

My mind started roaming around, thinking why he was staring at me like that. Like he knew something.

“Did he notice the way my breath loses it's rhythm when they're around me?”.

“Did he notice the way my thighs clenched together when they said hi to me earlier?”

“Does he know about the wet dreams I've been having lately?”.

“No”. I said suddenly.

I'm imagining things.

I tried to convince myself that it's all in my head.

I look down at my plate.

Focus.

Chloe kicks my foot lightly under the table.

“You're quiet”.

“Just tired”. I said quickly. Too quickly . My nerves are spiraling at this point.

The moment the words came out of my mouth_

A foot brushes against my ankle under the table.

Accidentally.

It has to be.

I stiffen.

What seemed to be an accident lingered for a while. Just enough to feel deliberate.

And slowly it slides away.

I don't look up.

I can't.

My stomach hurts even worse now.

The conversation above the table hasn't changed.

No one reacted.

No one moved a bit. Everybody just acted normal. So right now, I'm stuck thinking about who it was because their expressions don't give off anything.

Then finally Davien speaks as the laughter and voices begin to die down.

He speaks. Calm and controlled as always. 

Without looking directly at me.

“Are you always this quiet?”. He asked.

The laughters and side talks comes to an end instantly. The table goes silent for a milli second.

The question wasn't loud. It wasn't casual as well. 

It gave off some kind of energy I couldn't interprete.

Somewhat like he's been studying me. Even as much as I try to be as invisible and silent as I can at the table.

I look up and immediately meets his eyes. They were glued to my face.

He's studying me now.

I'm very uncomfortable at this point. I just wanna go home. My stomach ache has doubled. I feel like I'm gonna vomit any second from now.

My hands curl around my spoon tightly as I hold unto it like my life depends on it.

I feel drops of sweat gathering at my forehead.

I'm just there wishing someone will save me. Someone will speak up and end this tension I feel.

Immediately I thought about that.

Chloe interferes. Laughs lightly “ She's always like that. Don't scare her”.

“Scare her?”. His lips tilt just slightly.

Not a smile.

Not a smirk.

Something different.

I never seem to understand these boys and their expressions.

“I'm not trying to scare her “ he says smoothly.

His eyes not leaving mine.

“I'm just curious”.

And that's ehen I realized something terrifying.

Maybe I'm not as invisible as I thought.