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MY UNDOING 083
DAMIEN I woke up before Macey. The sun was barely creeping through the curtains, soft enough that it made the room look warm and quiet. She was curled into me, one leg over my waist, her cheek pressed against my chest. She looked peaceful in a way that made something inside my chest pull tight. I ran my hand down her back slowly, just enough to feel her breathing settle deeper. She did not stir, not even when I shifted a little to slide out from under her. I stood at the edge of the bed for a second and looked at her. It was strange how quickly the house had started to feel right again with her in it. Like she fit into the quiet. Like she belonged in every corner. I leaned down and brushed a soft kiss against her forehead. She did not wake up, only sighed and pulled the sheets closer. I smiled and headed to the bathroom. After showering, I wiped the fog off the mirror and stared at my reflection. I looked different. Calmer. Lighter. It had everything to do with the woman sleep
MY UNDOING 082
MACEY I woke to my phone ringing so loudly it felt like it was drilling through my skull. I groaned, half asleep, half annoyed, and reached out blindly across Damien’s sheets until my fingers wrapped around the phone. I did not even bother checking the caller ID before putting it to my ear. My voice came out rough and sleepy as I answered. “Hello?” The voice on the other end shot adrenaline straight into my system. “Where the hell are you, Macey Carter?” I sat up so fast the blanket slid down my chest. My eyes flew open. I was wide awake now. Completely awake. There was only one person who used that tone on me. “Mom?” “Yes, Mom,” she replied sharply. “Where are you, and why are you not picking up on time? I have been calling you for the past ten minutes.” My stomach dropped. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to pull thoughts together. I looked around Damien’s room like it would give me a solution. It didn’t. It only reminded me that I was very naked, very sore in a pleasa
MY UNDOING 081
DAMIEN A session with Macey’s therapist? The thought alone should have made me scoff. I had never imagined myself agreeing to something so intimate, so exposing, but then I looked at her, eyes wide, heart open, trembling yet begging me to be there. I couldn’t say no. “Yes. Of course I’ll go,” I said, voice steady even though my body betrayed me. Heat pooled low in my gut, pulse spiking, need curling like fire around my bones. Relief and desire hit her all at once. She leapt from the counter, wrapping herself around me, legs instinctively curling around my waist, pressing herself to me. Her hands gripped my shoulders tightly as if I were her anchor. “Thank you so much, Damien. Thank you,” she whispered, face pressed into my chest, inhaling me like she needed to memorize every part of me. “You don’t have to thank me,” I murmured, letting my hands roam over her back, sliding down to cup her ass, pulling her flush against me. Her body arched instinctively into mine, moans vibra
MY UNDOING 080
MACEY I knew I messed up the second the words left my mouth. It was like watching myself from outside my own body, hearing my voice say something I had spent weeks swallowing, and the second it slipped out, I wanted to grab it, shove it back inside, rewind time, anything. Anything except sit there on Damien’s lap, staring into his eyes while my heart beat so loudly I was sure he could feel it under his hands. He froze. Completely still. His hands, warm and steady on my hips, tightened just slightly, like he had to hold on to something. And I could feel my entire soul trying to escape my body. Oh no. No no no no. I scrambled off his lap so fast I almost tripped on my own feet. Heat rushed up my neck, all the way to my ears. I wanted to crawl under the couch and pretend I did not exist. I wanted him to forget everything I said. I wanted a hole to open in the floor and swallow me. I stood there; my breath caught in my throat, and braced myself for the shutdown. The kind I knew t
MY UNDOING 079
DAMIEN I honestly had no idea what I expected to see when I opened the door, but it definitely was not Macey. She stood on my porch like she had run the whole way here. Her face was flushed, her breathing uneven, and her eyes wide with something that looked a lot like panic. For a second I thought I was imagining her. Maybe lack of sleep had finally made me start hallucinating. I blinked twice just to make sure she was really there. But before I could even form a complete thought or ask what she was doing here, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around me. The hug caught me so off guard that for a second I forgot how to move. Her face pressed against my chest, and she clung to me like the world was on fire and I was the only safe place she had left. “Macey” I said quietly as I lifted a hand to touch her shoulder. “Macey, what is going on” She pulled back only enough to look up at me. Her eyes were already glassy. “You look horrible, D. You look so horrible.” H
MY UNDOING 078
MACEY I was fuming. Actually, no—I was beyond fuming. I was vibrating. I wanted to push Zinna off my property, shove her back into her fancy car, and tell her never to show up at my door again. Seeing her standing there like she had every right to breathe the same air as me after everything she had said and done? My blood boiled. She lifted a hand in the smallest, weakest wave. “Hi, Macey.” I laughed. Loud. Sharp. Bitter enough to sting my own throat. “Keep your hi to yourself, Zinna. Why are you here?” She swallowed, blinking fast, like she hadn’t expected me to come out swinging. Like she thought I’d open the door and melt, or politely fold into myself like I used to at the office. Not today. “Can we go in?” she asked softly. “Maybe talk inside?” I raised a brow so high it practically touched my hairline. “Really? You’re serious right now?” She winced. Actually winced. The great Zinna Blackwell, queen of composure and perfectly iced-out reactions, flinched like I’d slappe
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