Chapter 7~ Holier-than-thou attitude

Chapter 7

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Elizabeth

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Mama shoved me inside the room, her eyes raking over me in disgust. The room was the only place she could hit me in peace without the neighbours running to our front door to figure out what was happening.

“Mama! Stop it… you'll kill her,” Gemma screamed, trying to drag our mother out but she was past any level of reasoning.

“Gemma, leave this place. I need to teach her a lesson, one she would never forget. She thinks because she's serving the Lord now, that makes her better than the rest of us, makes her capable of questioning me? That holier-than-thou attitude is not fooling me, and it's certainly not going to fool anyone else.”

“I’m so sorry… Mama,” I whispered, with no idea of what exactly I was apologizing for.

My back hurt due to how hard I fell against the floor. I could no longer suppress the tears from streaming down my face, and when she saw them, she got really angry. Her eyes were burning with such lethal fire that showed that she wasn't satisfied with the state I was in.

I don't even know what I've done.

I have no idea.

It seems like she's punishing me for something else, but I have no idea what it is. 

She grabbed a long stick behind the door and marched towards me, “You think you have the right to be jealous? Huh? You think it's right to be jealous of your sister? Ungrateful bitch!” she screamed, attempting to pull at my hair again.

“Mama!” Gemma yelled, stopping her before she could slam the stick onto me. I stayed secluded towards the corner of the room, my head buried into my thighs, and my scalp aching with each passing moment. “If you hurt her, what would the Don say? What would the guests say when they discover the numerous injuries. Surely, you wouldn't want to put us in such a tight spot now, would you?”

Gemma’s words seemed to have gotten into her because she threw the stick to the bed, spat on me before walking away from me.

She stopped mid-way, not turning back. “Gemma get ready. The guests would be here any moment. We don't want to keep them waiting.” 

With that, she stormed off the room, sighing all the way through.

A loud keening sound escaped my throat as I buried my head deeper into my thighs. My habit soaked with my own tears.

Why does Mama hate me so much?

She never looks at me lovingly the way she looks at Gemma. 

Is something wrong with me?

I'm I really bad luck like she says?

Gemma rushed towards me, tilting my head to meet hers.

“I’m so sorry Liz. Did she do any real damage?” 

I shook my head slowly, looking away at some point. I couldn’t bear to look at her right now, because looking at her made me realize that I would never experience what true motherly love feels like.

“What did you do?” 

“I only asked her if she had your permission with regards to the marriage offer,” I responded, letting her pull me up from the floor and onto the bed.

Gemma’s eyes widened and for a moment none of us spoke, we only stared into space.

After what seemed like seconds had passed by, she turned to me,

“I want to get married, Liz.”

Then I turned to really look at her, to examine if she was only putting up an act. “You don't even know the man, Gemma. You can't marry him. What about falling in love with him?”

She scoffed, drawing shapes on the floor with her toes. “Mama showed me a picture of him. He's really handsome. And I do know him. He's the Don’s Enforcer. A very powerful and wealthy man. Do you know how many women would love to be in my place? Love doesn't really matter. I fell in love with him the moment I saw his picture. He's the perfect man for me.”

I can't believe she's saying this right now. If he's the Don’s Enforcer, then that means he does all of the dirty work for the Cosa Nostra. Does she not realize these people are dangerous?

With the way she's smiling like she won a lottery, I don't think she has an idea.

“He's dangerous. I might not know any of them properly, but I've heard things, Gemma. They kill without hesitation. They break all the ten commandments the Lord had laid down for us. For instance—thou shall not commit murder.” Goosebumps rose on my skin when I remembered the bleeding man from days before, but I quickly discarded thoughts about him.

Not now.

“They kill people. They murder innocent civilians like us. They show no mercy. Is that the sort of man and family you want for yourself?”

Gemma shook her head, disagreeing with me. “It doesn't matter. He's powerful and really, really rich. It'll make up for all his flaws. You haven't met him yet, if you have, you wouldn't be saying all this.”

“But—”

She pulled away from me, her expression changing to something new that I haven't seen before. “Are you jealous of me like Mama said? Is that why you're trying to convince me not to go through with this?”

Taken aback, I stared at her in shock. “No… never. I would never be jealous of you. Have you forgotten I'm a nun? I will be taking my vows very soon. We are not meant to have any affairs with men. You know that, don't you?”

She shrugged, looking away from me. “I don't know. You seem a little too persistent to dissuade me from doing this. Maybe because you know you would never have what I have.”

Her words hit me real deep, regardless, I put up a brave front and shrugged it off.

My feelings don't matter. Moreover, she's right.

I will never have what she has.

I took a deep breath, taking her hand in mine. “I don't want you to think that way about me. If you love him so much, then it's fine. I'll stand by you. I'm happy for you, okay?” 

She turned to face me again, raising her eyebrows at me. “You sure?”

I nodded too quickly. “I am.”

“Alright then. Let's go get ready.”

Technically, she's actually the only one getting ready but I don't say anything to that. I gave her the littlest smile I could come up with and excused myself to the bathroom.

Stepping inside the bathroom, I locked the door behind me, resting my back against the door as I slowly fell to the floor with my back to the door. I turned on the shower, blocking off anyone who would hear me crying.

The tears rolled down freely now, and I clutched myself tightly, seeking comfort admist the pain. As seconds passed by, my sobs grew louder. I was tired of holding them back. My body shook so hard due to the intensity of my sobs.

After an hour or so passed, I got up from the floor, peeled my dress off me and stepped into the shower to erase any sign of abuse or marks that Mama might have left on me.

If the Don sees them, Mama would kill me.

As soon as I stepped out of the shower and walked into the room, the doorbell rang and I knew our guests had arrived.

I picked one of the habits I left in the closet, while I tried to put it on, Mama rushed into the room, her expression filled with happiness. “They're here!” she said to Gemma specifically, not sparing me a glance. 

She dragged Gemma with her, but not without throwing an irritated look at me. I know what that look means.

If I ended up being late, I'll be punished.

So I hurriedly got dressed, took a quick look at my reflection in the mirror. Having been satisfied with how I look, I walked out of the room ready to meet our guests.

My legs trembled as soon as I walked down the stairs, the deep voices making my body go tense all of a sudden. When I stepped into the living room, there were five men seated already and all eyes turned to look at me.

Holy Mary…

My chest tightened immediately my gaze locked with a familiar pair of eyes.

Holy Mary…

I clutched my dress tightly, my heart thumping loudly against my ribs. 

It was him.

The man on the altar.

The same man I took up to my room. The one who had the gun.

The same man was in the living room, with a knowing smirk on his face.

“Hello, sister.”