Chapter Six

Alpha Kai 

I walk away from her door before I do something stupid.

Before I cross that line I have drawn for myself over and over again.

Aliya’s soft, broken sobs follow me down the hall anyway, haunting, fragile, slipping under my skin and turning every heartbeat into its own punishment.

The sound claws at something raw inside me. Something I have spent ten years burying, drowning, smothering. But it’s still there, alive and vicious, reminding me exactly why I can’t go to her, why I can’t be anywhere near her.

Not after what I did. Not after how deeply my hands are stained from her past.

I make it outside before my chest gets too tight to breathe.

The night air hits me cool, biting, carrying the faint spray of the ocean, the deeper scent of pine, and the distant hum of the pack grounds settling into sleep. The pool glows under the moonlight, its surface perfectly still, like even the water knows better than to disturb this kind of quiet.

I sink onto the lounge chair beside it, my elbows on my knees, my palms over my face as I exhale a slow, shaky breath.

My wolf paces inside me. Agitated. Restless.

She was crying because of you, he growls.

“I know,” I mutter into my hands.

There is no use lying to him. Or to myself.

I reach for the beer I left out here earlier untouched and crack it open with a sharp hiss. 

The first swallow burns my throat. The second barely registers. I don’t drink much I never have. My father was an alcoholic, and I swore I would never follow that path.

But right now I need something, anything to dull the edge carving through my chest.

I stare out at the water. At the reflection of the moon. At nothing and everything.

Her face flashes behind my eyes anyway.

Her tears.

Her voice tightening when she heard me say she meant nothing.

The way her breath hitched right before she broke.

I scrub a hand over my jaw, frustration ripping through me. I hadn’t wanted her to hear that argument with Nelima. I didn’t even want the argument in the first place. But Nelima has a talent for pushing every wrong button at the worst possible time.

When she accused me of wanting Aliya?

Of breaking some imaginary loyalty I never promised her?

I take another long sip of the beer, letting the cold bitterness settle in my chest.

The sliding glass door opens behind me.

I don’t need to turn to know who it is.

Only one person walks that loudly on purpose.

Jackson.

My beta. My best friend since childhood. The only one who knows even a piece of the truth about what happened ten years ago, though not all of it. Not the part that would make him hate me too.

He steps onto the patio, his presence heavy but familiar. After a moment, he drops into the chair next to mine with a grunt, cracking his own beer.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Maybe more.

The kind of silence only men who have bled together can share.

The waves crash softly in the distance. The night breathes. And still the only thing I hear is her damn crying echoing in my head.

Jackson sighs eventually, tapping the neck of his bottle against his thigh. “So,” he says, voice low, “are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

I stare ahead and take take another sip as I shake my head.

“I didn’t think so,” he mutters.

Another silence stretches out between us, thicker this time, heavier.

He lets me sit in it for a while, he is good at that. Jackson has never been the type to push unless he has to. But he has also never been the type to let me drown quietly.

“You know,” he says eventually, “I have seen you in some bad states. After battles. After your father. After everything with the old council. But this?” He gestures at me with his bottle. “This is different.”

I grit my teeth. “There is nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit.”

My head snaps toward him.

He doesn’t flinch.

“You think I’m blind?” he asks, brow raising. “You think I didn’t see the way your jaw locked when Nelima started her shit? Or how you looked when Aliya walked away? I have known you my whole life, Kai. I know when something is eating you alive.”

“Drop it Jackson.” I said, almost a command. 

“No.”

My wolf bristles at his defiance, but Jackson doesn’t back down, he never has.

He studies me for a long moment before he speaks again.

“She is crying herself to sleep.”

My fingers tighten around the bottle so hard the glass creaks.

He says it gently. Not accusing. Not mocking. Just stating the truth.

“I heard her on my way to my room,” Jackson continues quietly. “And I know you did too. You were standing outside her door long enough.”

I run a hand through my hair, gripping the roots.

“Jackson”

“You care about her,” he says simply.

A direct hit, right to the chest.

I look away. “It doesn’t matter.”

“The hell it doesn’t.”

“It can’t matter,” I snap, louder than I intended. My voice ricochets off the pool water and into the night. “It can’t.”

Jackson watches me. He doesn’t push again. He doesn’t need to.

The truth is already unraveling inside me.

I lean back in the chair, tipping my head toward the sky. The stars blur a little. Maybe from the beer. Maybe from the exhaustion clawing through my veins.

“She reminds you of that night,” Jackson says quietly.

My whole body goes rigid.

I don’t answer. I don’t have to. Because she does.

Every time I look at her, every time she speaks, every time she flinches like she is waiting for the world to hurt her again. 

Ten years ago I changed everything.

Ten years ago I destroyed everything. Including her life. And she doesn’t even know yet.

Jackson sighs and leans back. “You can’t punish yourself forever, Kai.”

“Watch me."

“You can’t punish her for what happened either.”

“It’s not punishment,” I say, jaw tightening. “I’m protecting her.”

“By hurting her even more?”

I freeze.

The words land exactly where they wre meant to.

Jackson shakes his head. “You told Nelima she meant nothing. You think Aliya didn’t hear that? You think she hasn’t heard that her entire damn life from other people?”

My throat tightens.

“She is not like us,” he says quietly. “She is fragile in a way you don’t know how to handle.”

“Exactly,” I whisper. “Exactly why I need to stay the hell away from her.”

Jackson studies me with an expression that’s equal parts frustration and pity. “Then why do you look like the one who is breaking?”

I swallow hard but say nothing.

He sighs, finishing his beer and standing. “Figure it out, Alpha. Before you destroy both of you.”

He claps a hand on my shoulder solid, grounding then walks back into the house without another word.

Leaving me alone with my beer. 

I stare at the pool until my vision blurs, until the cold creeps deeper into my bones, until the wolf inside me stops pacing and just and lies there, wounded.

I finish the beer and set it aside.

Then I stand and walk back through the same hall I left past her room.

Her sobs have quieted now, but I can still feel them. Like the air is bruised around her door.

I stop. Just for a second. Just long enough to know I can’t walk in.

I exhale slowly, controlled, then turn and walk away.