ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID

Maya’s POV

I don’t remember how I got out of Jason’s apartment.

One moment, Mila’s words were slicing through me like a knife and the next I was in my car. I was all alone and breathing felt like a hard task right now. The city lights blurred through my tears as I drove aimlessly through the streets. My hands tightened around the steering wheel as I replayed all that happened.

“You were never even as good as an option.” The words echoed endlessly in my head.

No matter how much I tried to block out the thoughts, I could not. Maybe because a part of me had spent my entire life hearing the same thing in different forms. I wasn’t good enough, not beautiful enough, not special enough. I was never chosen.

A sob escaped my throat and I quickly wiped my tears and tried to focus on the road. Those people didn’t deserve my tears. All I thought about was the three years I spent loving that fool. My chest ached so badly.

By the time I pulled into the driveway of my mother’s house, I had cried myself numb. The lights inside were still on, of course they were. Mila hadn’t come home yet. That only meant my mother was still up waiting for her golden girl to arrive. Never for me, for her. Just like always. I closed my eyes briefly before stepping out of the car.

The cool night breeze hit my face and for a second, I considered turning around and driving away. But, I had nowhere to go. I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, I was drained. I just wanted my bed.

The front door opened before I even reached it. My mom stood in the doorway with her arms folded.

“Maya.”

Something in her tone made me tense.

“Where have you been?” She demanded.

I blinked. This wasn’t what I expected. There was no concern or even curiosity. Just irritation.

“Well, hello to you too, mother.” I said calmly, stepping into the house.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve called you?”

I stared at her. For a moment, I wondered if she somehow knew and if Mila had told her already or if she couldn’t see the hurt in my eyes.”

Then, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. Twenty three missed calls. Most were from my mother, a few from Jason and one from Mila.

My mother noticed the change in my expression. “Well?”

I looked up slowly. “Did Mila call you?”

Her face changed immediately, and I had my answer. Of course she had. My mother sighed dramatically.

“Maya, what happened tonight was unfortunate.”

I laughed. “Unfortunate?”

She frowned. “Don’t interrupt me.”

I felt everything in me crack at this moment. This was my mother. The woman who gave birth to me. Not Jason or Mila.

Because somehow, even now, she had found a way to make me feel like the problem.

“Your sister explained everything.”

My heart sank, because I knew whose version she already believed and whose side she’d taken.

My mother continued, “honestly, Maya, you’re overreacting.”

For several seconds I simply stared at her. I was certain I’d heard wrong.

“Overreacting?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t help but let out another laugh, this time it sounded broken.

“Mom, I caught my boyfriend in bed with my sister. My twin sister.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh please, Maya. As if relationships don’t end everyday.”

The words hit me harder than Mila’s cruelty and harder than Jason’s betrayal, because this was my own mother. The one person who should have cared. The one person Edo should have been angry for me. Instead, she looked annoyed that I was upset. All of a sudden, I was ten years old again.

Standing in the kitchen after winning second place in a school competition. I remember running home excitedly with my certificate. Only for my mother to ask, “why didn’t you come first like Mila would?”

I remember my sixteenth birthday, when relatives spent the entire evening complimenting Mila’s beauty while barely acknowledging me.

I remembered graduation, when I graduated with a honors and my mother spent dinner talking about Mila’s social media following.

How I missed my father.

Every memory hurt and they all made sense now.

“Mila told me you embarrassed her,” my mother said.

Disbelief took over my body. “Embarrassed her?”

“She said you made a scene.”

Of course. Mila sleeps with my boyfriend and somehow I am the problem. The realization was devastating, because deep down, I had hoped. Hope that this time would be different. But, it wasn’t. My mother would never change. My eyes burned, but I refused to cry again. Not in front of her.

Without another word, I walked past her.

“Maya.”

I ignored her.

“Maya.”

I climbed the stairs and headed straight for my bedroom. I could hear her trailing behind me. 

“Don’t you dare walk away from me.”

I turned around sharply.

“No.” 

Her eyes widened. For the first time in years I wasn’t backing down.

“No, mom.” 

She froze.

I continued, “you know what’s funny?”

She says nothing.

“I spent years trying to earn your approval. I got good grades, I stayed out of trouble. I worked hard. But no matter what I did, mom, it was never enough.”

“Maya…” she began.

“No,” I cut in, shaking my head.

“Not tonight. I do not want to hear your excuses tonight. I don’t want to hear why I should understand Mila or forgive her. I’m tired.”

She was looking at me now like I was the devil.

“Sometimes mom, I wonder how life would have been if dad were still here with us.”

My mother left without another word.

The moment the door closed, the strength left me and I fell on my bed and cried into my pillow. After what felt like an hour, I was quiet, numb, staring into space. 

I suddenly had a sense of realization. If I stayed here, nothing would change and I’d be surrounded by the sane people. Slowly, I stood. I opened my closet and pulled out a suitcase. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t care. I just needed air.

An hour later, clothes covered my bed and my laptop was open beside me, travel websites filled the screen. My cursor hovered around dozens of destinations until one caught my attention.

A luxury beachfront resort. Two weeks. Far from home, my mother, Mila and Jason. 

My heart pounded with fear and excitement. Was this crazy? Probably. Did I care? Not anymore. Before I could overthink it, I clicked the BOOK NOW button. I received the confirmation message immediately.

For the first time all day, I felt something other than pain. I felt some sort of relief and I couldn’t wait to take on my new adventure.