Chapter 43

I push past the mess of bodies still moving in the ceremonial hall. My eyes stay locked on the path Jason took when he ran. The feeling in my chest hurts so bad I can barely breathe. It's not just his scent or what I figured out. It's the truth that Jason—the guy who was always there but never really there—is mine now.

I'm mated to an omega and I don't want it. I don't want this for myself. But the pull inside me feels like it might tear me apart if I don't follow it.

"Fuck," I whisper under my breath as I move faster through the corridor.

His scent gets stronger with every step I take. It's sweet and wrong and everything I never thought I'd want. Avalon and Kaelen are chasing too, but I can't see them anymore. Good. I don't want them here for this.

My hands shake as I follow the trail. "Why did it have to be him?" I ask the empty hallway. "Why did it have to be anyone?"

The north wing is darker than the main hall. Torches flicker on the walls, making shadows dance everywhere. Jason's scent is so thick here I can almost taste it. It makes my stomach turn and my body react at the same time.

I find him half-hidden behind a stone pillar, pressed against the wall like he's trying to disappear into it. His chest moves up and down fast. His whole body shakes. He's fighting himself just like I am.

"There you are," I say, walking toward him without stopping.

"Ivan, please—" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Shut up." The words come out sharper than I mean them to. "Just shut up."

He looks up at me with those wide eyes, and I feel something twist in my gut. Fear. He's scared of me. Good. He should be.

"You're a fraud," I spit out, getting closer. "A liar. A fucking omega in disguise."

"I never lied about—"

"Don't." My voice cracks, but not because I feel sorry for him. It's because I'm so angry at everything. At him. At the moon goddess. At this whole messed up situation. "Don't you dare try to explain this away."

Jason presses himself harder against the wall. "Ivan, I didn't want this either—"

"Want what? To be found out? To have your little secret exposed?" I laugh, but it sounds mean even to me. "How long were you planning to keep this up? How long were you going to pretend you were something you're not?"

"I am what I've always been," he whispers.

"No, you're not." I step closer until there's barely any space between us. "You're an omega. My omega. And I hate that the goddess did this to us."

"I hate it too," he says, and for a second his voice gets stronger.

"Do you?" I grab the front of his ceremonial robes with both hands. "Do you really hate it? Or are you just scared because you got caught?"

His scent gets stronger when I touch him, and it makes my head spin. I want to let go. I want to run away. But I can't. My hands won't listen to me.

"The goddess must be twisted," I say, shoving him harder against the wall. "To tie us together like this. To make me want someone I can't stand."

"You don't have to want me," Jason says, but his voice shakes.

"That's the problem." I lean closer, until I can feel his breath on my face. "I do want you. I hate that I want you, but I can't stop it."

The air between us gets thick and hot. My control starts slipping away piece by piece.

"Ivan," Jason whispers, and the way he says my name makes something snap inside me.

I don't think. I just move.

Our mouths crash together.

It's not gentle. It's hard and desperate and all teeth and heat. Jason gasps against my lips, and I use that moment to kiss him deeper. I pin him harder against the wall with my whole body, feeling how he fits against me.

"This is wrong," I think, but I don't stop. I can't stop.

Jason makes a small sound that goes straight through me. His hands grab onto my shoulders, not pushing me away but holding on. The energy between us pulls tighter, stronger, until it feels unbearable.

I bite his bottom lip and he gasps again. The taste of him is better than his scent, sweet and warm and addictive. I want more. I want everything.

"Ivan," he breathes against my mouth.

"Don't talk," I whisper back, kissing him again before he can say anything else.

His body pressed against mine feels perfect in a way that makes me angry. Why does this feel so right when everything about it is wrong? Why does kissing him make the pain in my chest go away?

I move my lips to his neck, tasting his skin where his scent is strongest. He shudders against me, and I feel proud that I can make him react like that.

"You taste like moonflowers," I murmur against his throat.

"Ivan, we can't—"

"Yes, we can." I lift my head to look at him. His lips are swollen from kissing, his eyes dark and confused. "We're mated now. This is what mates do."

"But you don't want this," he says, and his voice sounds sad.

"I don't want to want this," I correct him. "There's a difference."

I kiss him again, harder this time. He melts against me for a moment, kissing me back like he can't help himself either. The feeling is so intense I think I might lose my mind.

Then everything changes.

Jason's hand comes up and pushes against my chest. Not hard, but firm enough that I have to step back.

"No," he says, breathing heavy. "No, I can't do this."

"Jason—"

"I can't." He pushes past me, moving toward the corridor opening. "This isn't right. None of this is right."

"Where are you going?" I ask, but I don't follow him.

"Away from you," he says without looking back. "Away from all of this."

And then he's gone. Running again.

I stay where I am, breathing hard, watching the empty space where he disappeared. My lips still feel warm from kissing him. My body still wants him even though he just ran away from me.

"Fuck," I say to the empty hallway.

I lean against the wall where he was pressed just moments ago. His scent still hangs in the air, making my head spin. I can't go back to the ceremony. Not like this. Not when I can still taste him on my lips.

The sounds from the main hall seem far away now. Music and chanting and celebration. People finding their mates and being happy about it. Everything I should be doing and feeling, but can't.

I slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the cold stone floor. My head falls back and I close my eyes.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I ask the darkness.

But there's no answer. Just silence and Jason's lingering scent and the memory of how right it felt to kiss him.

I don't return to the ceremony. I can't face the questions or the looks or pretend everything is normal when nothing will ever be normal again.

The next morning comes too fast and too slow at the same time.

I'm still in my ceremonial clothes from yesterday, wrinkled and smelling like moonflowers and Jason. I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. Felt his lips. Heard him say my name.

A knock on my door makes me jump.

"Ivan ," a voice calls from outside. "You're summoned by the council."

I frown at the door. The council? Why would they want to see me?

"Coming," I call back, even though I'm not ready for whatever this is about.

As I walk toward the door, confusion fills my head. What could the council possibly want with me the morning after the ceremony?